Sounds rude. Is it something to do with waxing? Like a Brazilian handshake, but even less hairy? No!
Is it what movie directors do – an on-the-move greeting, performed while looking over your shoulder, because they’re not really interested in meeting you? Maybe it once meant that, but not any more.
OK, OK, I suppose we’d better do this properly. If you don’t mind.
Age: Five.
Appearance: Channel 4, previously BBC. More importantly, often.
Paul Hollywood! This is about him, isn’t it? That’s right. When a contestant on The Great British Bake Off bakes their socks off, they can be rewarded with a handshake from Paul.
Not weird, then, like Trump’s? No, nothing to do with Freemasonry either. It’s just a recognition of excellence.
Like a baking Bafta? Exactly.
Wherein lies the problem? In the handshake’s ubiquity. He’s dishing it out willy nilly, like there’s no tomorrow.
One shake per show? If only. This week – Spice Week – Rahul got one for his signature ginger cake. Then Paul gave one to Kim-Joy, for hers. And Manon, too!
Just for ginger cakes? Well, a bonfire night caramel one, a stem ginger one with poached pears, and an Italian meringue ginger cake, respectively.
So the handshake has lost its value? Exactly. Nor was it the first three-shake show this series.
Hardly the VC, then, is it? Not even a Victoria Sponge Cross.
Are fans unimpressed? Well, some think it has got a bit out of hand. Never mind bake your socks off – these days you just need to take your socks off and he’ll stick out a mitt, especially if you’re a woman.
If the Hollywood handshake was a currency …? Yup, the Turkish lira.
Or you had handshake shares …? Sell, sell, sell, although it’s probably too late.
What can Paul Hollywood do? Come up with something that actually has meaning.
Like one of those elaborately choreographed hand celebrations Dele Alli does with his teammates when they score? Or a Hollywood hug. That way alliteration is maintained.
Do say: “Remember the good old days when the summers were sunny, chocolate bars were bigger and a Hollywood handshake actually meant something?”
Don’t say: “Not your best, Manon. But you are very pretty, so I’ll give you a handshake anyway.”
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