Hairsprayed
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we’re done. Well it was an energetic and relatively smooth production. NBC gets points for choosing a musical with relevancy and, despite being a bit blunt at times, it got a number of powerful points across. I’m still not entirely sure if the format of a live TV musical works but, given the extortionate price of Broadway shows, I can see the appeal. Right, I’m going to sit in a room of silence for a few hours.
The very big, potentially endless cast are all now coming on one by one to bow for applause. Not a single one of them has fallen over so I am refusing to clap.
Not over! Jennifer Hudson and Ariana Grande are singing at each other. Every possible bet in the world is on Hudson for winning this.
The best acting of the entire night is Dove Cameron and Kristin Chenoweth pretending to be angry while JHud sings to them#HairsprayLive
— Blessedterns (@Blessedterns) December 8, 2016
Everyone is singing and dancing together and giving disapproving looks to the racists so surely this must be over soon!
Ariana Grande’s racist mom is now okay with her having a black boyfriend because he inspired her to take her glasses off and now looks better. So, ermmm okay?
Wait, someone just won a scholarship to a community college or something. I blacked out.
Ariana Grande has taken her gross ugly awful glasses off and everyone is feigning surprise that she doesn’t look like a witch underneath. Badly.
Billy Eichner is back so there’s a perfectly alright reason to watch this again:
But yeah here’s a teaser for that. Kill me if I’m liveblogging that next year please.
Jennifer Hudson singing a rather poignant number about waiting for change to come and making this whole silly thing seem rather important all of a sudden. Can’t quite see how Jennifer Lopez starring in Bye Bye Birdie will top this next year for topicality...
People STILL can’t forget Efron :(
I miss Zac Efron. That's my default state, but. I really miss Zac Efron. #HairsprayLive
— Louis Peitzman (@LouisPeitzman) December 8, 2016
BILLY EICHNER IS HERE
He is hosting the news on a TV and has gone already and he didn’t scream at a single person so screw this.
Twitter is enjoying reminding us all that Garrett Clayton, aka living doll guy, recently played gay porn star Brent Corrigan in James Franco drama King Cobra. There are some NSFW gifs doing the rounds. You can find them if that’s your thing...
The magic of a musical somewhat tarnished by watching the cast maniacally running to a golf cart so they can get to the next scene.
The body-positive theme is being somewhat ruined by every other joke from Harvey Fierstein’s character being based around how uncontrollably greedy she is.
Just to prove how relevant it is, here’s a scene where the local kids protest against racism. NBC - really regretting ever getting into bed with Trump and really trying to make up for it.
Martin Short is singing right now in a role that was played by Christopher Walken in the film version and let’s all thank every possible god that he’s not singing instead...
Darren Criss just said Jennifer Hudson is “bigger, blonder and more beautiful” than he could ever be.
Jennifer Hudson has started to sing and everyone/everything else has turned into beige. Including this liveblog.
Fully expecting some butt-hurt tweets from the same morons who complained that Luke Cage was racist because there weren’t enough white people. It’s a Buzzfeed list in the making!
Jennifer Hudson has arrived klaxon but damn, so has that awful blonde Trump spokesgirl and her racist mom oh and damn so has Harvey Fierstein as Tracy’s ma. There appears to be a showdown on the cards. My money is on everyone who isn’t a racist.
This is apparently a big deal for Hairspray geeks:
Recognize these ladies? Both @MarissaJWinokur and @RickiLake have played the role of Tracy Turnblad! pic.twitter.com/5J7rXbKZKS
— Hairspray Live! (@HairsprayLive) December 8, 2016
Ephraim Sykes is killing this song about black people getting treated like shit by white folk. Fun fact: his on-screen mom is played by Jennifer Hudson who is only four years older than him. Not sure who that’s weirder for. Probably everyone.
Updated
Inappropriate sexual humor update: Rosie as gym teacher just tried to lure underage boys into the shower and that living doll guy just said: “Tracy you’re beautiful when you’re unconscious”
Updated
Impatiently waiting for him to start screaming at everyone
40 minutes into hairspray live and still no billy eichner?? rude af
— Lauren Schlenker (@schlenks_) December 8, 2016
Some sort of sound problems for poor Sean Hayes who looks like he may explode if he tries to sing any louder
Perhaps predictably, it’s the Broadway pros that are coming out on top. Harvey Fierstein and Kristin Chenoweth are at ease compared to the rest. Because on stage they do it live EVERY NIGHT. Crazy, huh?
That poor living doll guy though. His character was played by Zac Efron who is now trending purely because people are saying how much they prefer him.
am i really about to spend the next 3 hours complaining zac efron didn't reprise his best role? yes #HairsprayLive
— kelly (@insteadofhollow) December 8, 2016
Tracy just mouth-assaulted that guy who she has a crush on without consent. Plus he looks like a doll that’s come to life. But they’re not racists which makes them heroes in this awful city.
Ariana Grande is the most believable gawky wearer of glasses since Rachael Leigh Cook in She’s All That.
So Tracy, or Iggy as we can now call her, is stealing the dance moves from the black kids and using them for her own benefit without credit?
If you’re doing literally anything else and for some reason, you’d rather be watching Hairspray Live! then here’s a video of one of the songs:
Because we know you wanted to watch it again! 😍 #HairsprayLive pic.twitter.com/CXlQ9qnVt9
— Hairspray Live! (@HairsprayLive) December 8, 2016
I want Rosie to pull a Sinead and rip up a photo of Trump live on air. #HairsprayLive
— Louis Peitzman (@LouisPeitzman) December 8, 2016
Okay Tracy keeps saying negro which isn’t cool but she’s getting schooled about it so that is cool.
Important update: Rosie O’Donnell is here and she’s playing a gym teacher who doles out detention for kids using hairspray.
Maybe Penny would be popular if she didn't have hair like a goddamn Star Wars character pic.twitter.com/ckrnoaN1KE
— Marc (@MarcSnetiker) December 8, 2016
No idea why Darren Criss from Glee keeps popping up to host the commercial breaks but he seems incredibly excited about it. Answers please.
A medal for Kristin Chenoweth for maintaining the same note while being picked up and then put down by five guys in a row. Or a pink heart.
Dove Cameron, playing the villainous blonde girl with an awful racist mom, looks and acts like she’s about to defend Donald Trump on CNN. Which, given the plot, seems like good casting.
This song is about a girl briefly and accidentally touched by a boy who then sings an entire song about their wedding which is totally not creepy at all. Glenn Close at least had sex with Michael Douglas first and you all judged her for getting attached.
This is quite true:
Love that @ArianaGrande is doing her intern character from SNL. #HairsprayLive
— MAX IM A KOOPA (@meakoopa) December 8, 2016
The awful racist Village of the Damned assholes are taking center stage for this bit. Oh they’re also fat-shaming racist Village of the Damned. I hope the end is them all falling into a sinkhole. Or at least choking on actual hairspray.
Ariana Grande, who I’m convinced will never age or change due to some agreement made with a demon, is a damn fine singer. So there’s that at least.
Your nightmare tonight:
It all feels a bit lifeless without an audience of overexcited tourists drunk on cheap wine. The jokes and songs are all met with silence. I would legit take one crew member loudly reacting to make it less awkward.
These backing dancers look like they were born in the Village of the Damned and have all done horrible things to get here.
I hate to be this guy but Maddie, playing Tracy, has already forgotten a few words from the first song and this is why I’m enjoying it more than I thought I would. I am a horrible person.
Motorized rats, normalizing a flasher and laughing at an alcoholic have been the highlights of the opening song!
It's started!
There’s a special appearance by Rosie O’Donnell coming up is all I have learned so far. There’s also a woman eating out of a trash can. More coming.
One last commercial break then we’re go. If you’ve also been watching NBC for the last hour then you’re probably equally confused and scared by all these ads of Ariana Grande’s disturbingly sentient perfume “congratulating” her for her role in Hairspray.
If you’re planning on drinking through the bum notes then the best drinking game is courtesy of Annoying Actor Friend who does this every year quite wonderfully.
PRE-GAME: take a shot in honor of every actor friend you know who is live social media-ing this event on a Wednesday night at 8pm, because it probably means they’re unemployed.
NOTE: I trust you’ll be surrounded by friends either in person, on social media, or both, so some of these rules pertain to you and those around you, as well as what you’ll be viewing on screen.
DRINK WHEN…
- Ariana Grande attempts a consonant.
- a set piece breaks or malfunctions.
- there are sound problems.
- celebrity marking.
- you have no idea who Amber and Link are.
- the camera cuts to an actor who is not really paying attention.
- Ugh. LA dancers.
- the key changes for Jennifer Hudson.
- you see someone you know (this is probably a wasted rule because LA).
- Dove Cameron is a deodorant right?
- Martin Short and Andrea Martin eat the set by the end of act one.
- one of your friends says, “I almost booked this.” (because they didn’t. again, this is LA)
- was Garrett Clayton a Vine star?
- an actor accidentally looks at the camera.
- Donald Trump wages war on Hairspray Live! because there’s a song called “Ladies’ Choice.”
- Donald Trump wages war on Hairspray Live! because he thinks the Miss Teenage Hairspray competition is rigged when Amber doesn’t win.
- Donald Trump wages war on Hairspray Live! because Rosie O’Donnell.
- NBC stamps an awkward hashtag at the bottom of the screen. #Crabs
- omg remember when Kristin Chenoweth did The Music Man?
- someone in the cast is phoning it in like they are doing an open ended run.
- Allison Williams has a series of flashbacks and you can audibly hear her screams from her home in Chelsea.
- PONIES!
- lyric flub.
- Harvey Fierstein.
- where’s Shanice?
- acting for the stage.
- The original Broadway Dynamites look younger fourteen years later than you did when you were fourteen.
- Billy Eichner screams at someone.
- Little Inez walks away with the show like Benanti.
- you pass out before “Cooties.”
I don’t mean to alarm you but I don’t much care for musicals and I’ve just downed an energy drink. Wait, come back.
So the commercial breaks are often a bit of a nuisance with these live musicals given that in the theatre, you’re not stopped every 20 minutes by an usher stopping the show to ask if you want to buy some conditioner. This year, to literally live-n things up, some of tonight’s commercials will be LIVE.
It’s an old school tradition that has understandably been retired but a number of companies, including Oreo, Reddi-wip and Toyota will all stage ads that are either inspired by Hairspray, choreographed by the same team or starring the cast who will remain in character.
It all sounds exhausting to me.
Even RICKI LAKE will be watching. Divine tbc.
Who's going to be watching #hairspraylive tonight?
— Ricki Lake (@RickiLake) December 7, 2016
A Polaroid from the original #hairspray w/ moi & @DivineOfficial. 💋 pic.twitter.com/OgpBahRPQP
While Hairspray is not exactly Selma, it’s still a rather relevant story about racial integration which seems particularly relevant given the year we’re having. In an interview with the LA Times, director Kenny Leon said:
It’s the kind of musical that our country needs right now. This is a part of our history that can’t be ignored and it’s relevant today in this country when race relations are the way they are. And, even beyond that, no matter how you voted, we need to find ways to unify ourselves. We have been so focused on what has divided us
Maybe the decision to launch a splashy prime-time musical with a positive anti-racism message could be good PR for the same network that allowed a racist to host Saturday Night Live last year.
Last year’s cast of The Wiz certainly upped the ante when it came to stars (Mary J Blige, Common, Queen Latifah, Ne-Yo, Uzo Aduba) and this year’s ensemble has a varied mix of musical stalwarts and some fresh-faced newbies.
Here’s who MIGHT be falling over in front of millions tonight:
Maddie Baillio as Tracy Turnblad
Harvey Fierstein as Edna Turnblad
Dove Cameron as Amber Von Tussle
Kristin Chenoweth as Velma Von Tussle
Garrett Clayton as Link Larkin
Ariana Grande as Penny Pingleton
Derek Hough as Corny Collins
Jennifer Hudson as Motormouth Maybelle
Shahadi Wright Joseph as Little Inez
Ephraim Skyes as Seaweed J. Stubbs
Martin Short as Wilbur
Here’s an idea of how it’s all going to look and sound. Loud, apparently.
Welcome to the Hairspray Live! liveblog!
It’s that time of year again for us all to spend three hours waiting for a C-list celebrity to fall over on live television. Yup, it’s NBC’s annual live musical Live! The first two attempts, Sound of Music and Peter Pan, were ratings hits but generally loathed by all. Last year saw an uptick in quality with a star-studded remix of The Wiz and now we’re all hoping that wasn’t a fluke as camp classic Hairspray gets the Live! treatment.
It’s kicking off in just under an hour which means you still have time to buy in copious amounts of booze and start thinking up some 🔥 tweets in preparation. Don’t leave me here alone yeah?
