It’s Thanksgiving. But even though the holiday is meant to bring family together, sometimes it can make you never want to see them again.
A few days ago, father, teacher, and Reddit user AmericanJohn500 was told to contribute $100 this year toward the big dinner to compensate his nephew for spending $300 on a new grill and the meat he planned to cook.
However, he thought the sudden “fee” was unreasonable and voiced his disappointment at such a steep figure. But instead of looking for a compromise, his sister escalated the situation in their group chat, and the whole thing quickly got ugly.
Leading up to his family’s Thanksgiving dinner, this man was told to contribute a hefty sum
Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)
But he felt it was too much
Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)
Money pressures affect a lot of families over the holidays
Image credits: Getty Images/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Last year, Beyond Finance, a company providing debt consolidation services, released findings of their survey highlighting the financial strain of holiday spending, and it’s clear that our Redditor isn’t the only one in such a predicament.
Conducted among 2,000 Americans celebrating the winter holidays, the research revealed that 76% experience emotional distress—”money wounds”—triggered by financial pressures.
Among the most frequently reported challenges are:
- Low self-esteem (26%)
- Compulsive overspending (21%)
- Shame over past financial decisions (21%)
- A scarcity mindset (20%)
However, the survey also discovered that 50% feel pressured to spend by their own family, while 42% isolate themselves during the holidays to avoid feelings of inadequacy.
Finances play a central role in how we relate to the world
Image credits: Allef Vinicius/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Financial psychotherapist Vicky Reynal says the way we deal with our income affects our families, shapes our conversations with partners, and can cast long shadows over our relationships with our parents.
“It’s not about stripping emotions out of financial decisions. It’s about becoming aware of them,” she explains.
So if you feel insulted by your family’s unexpected financial demands, it might very well be because of a deeper reason — like ignored boundaries.
“Holidays are hectic, in part, because we are trying to do all the things and make all the memories,” says Dr. Gayle MacBride, Ph.D., LP, a psychologist with Veritas Psychology. “We often have Hallmark-movie-sized expectations, which can serve to amplify the patterns you already have.”
Certain traditions — like always hosting your entire family — can put you on autopilot during this time of year. But Dr. MacBride says these habits trigger stress because they don’t leave any room for the turbulence someone may be experiencing (such as financial problems).
“Expectations get out of control,” she says. “This is a holiday recipe of the worst kind: resentment.”
The goal is to cruise through the season, not exhaust each other. Let’s be better.
Soon after sharing his story, the man updated everyone that he’s not going
Image credits: americanjohn500
People who read what happened said he was absolutely entitled to skipping the dinner
Commentators have shared many reactions to the whole ordeal
