I was perched on my doorstep around midnight, 29 May, chain smoking and repeatedly refreshing my Spotify app when a glorious moment of lightness and joy in the depths of lockdown blues popped up on my phone. Chromatica. She was here, and the little monster inside me was rebirthed as I sat there in the moonlight, ready to tap play on the opening track. Listening to each song, I was reminded of how precious Lady Gaga’s music has been to me during pivotal moments in my life, and here she was marking 2020 – a year that I, like you, will never forget. It’s unsurprising, then, to look at my 2020 Spotify Wrapped data and see that four of my top five tracks this year are from Chromatica. Some may call it a guilty pleasure, but I think life is too short to qualify joy.
Music has always held my hand and transported me to my own version of reality, blocking out the mundane and amplifying the fabulous. This year has been no different. It’s ironic that pop music has had such a moment in 2020, when we’ve been unable to make the most of it on the dancefloor. But, like Sophie Ellis-Bextor, I and many others turned our kitchens and living rooms into makeshift discotheques. Those moments of letting loose with wild abandon, even just momentarily, helped me escape the horrendous world outside and return to myself. I’ve kept feelings of isolation at bay this year by dancing in my underwear and running around my flat to Little Mix, one of my most played artists of 2020, or reenacting the music video to React by Pussycat Dolls – one of my most played tracks this year. True Bliss.
Loneliness is something that most of us have experienced more of this year. For me, the challenges of not being able to see friends and family were made harder by moving into a place on my own for the first time. Thankfully I had the Like Minded Friends podcast from comedians Tom Allen and Suzi Ruffell to keep me company, and I have the receipts to prove it – according to Spotify Wrapped I clocked up an incredible 111 hours of listening time. Podcasts are a lifeline, like putting your friends on in a corner and having them chat to you all day. They also helped me to rationalise the loneliness I felt and reminded me that many others are feeling this way. They would sit in my ears as I cleaned, went running, trotted around the supermarket and cooked dinner. I thank them for that sense of connection, which was so strong that listening now can pull me straight back to those first few nights in my new home.
Aware of the power that music and sound have to take us back to fond memories, this year I’ve used familiar music to create a sense of safety. The classical pianist Ludovico Einaudi, one of my top artists of the year, has been an anchor for me in this respect. I fell in love with him when I was writing my memoir, In Their Shoes, and listening to him again this year takes me back to that creative process of allowing my thoughts and emotions to flow freely on to the page.
This year, when I’ve had difficult conversations to deal with or hard emails to read, I’ve put Einaudi on and let his classical touch soothe me. Now, it’s become a ritual – if something is going to be stressful, Einaudi needs to be there with me, the sound of his piano playing pulling me right back into my favourite seat in my favourite coffee shop where I would spend hours writing. Rehearsing my TEDxTalk this year, I would listen to his album, Seven Days Walking, while I recited my speech aloud. He’s now deeply connected to my creative process, allowing me to reflect and listen.
Looking forward, I’m excited to see how 2021 and its musical offerings will speckle and mark my memories that are sure to come with the new year.
Relive the music and sound that got you through 2020 with Spotify Wrapped
