Modern parents can’t be super-parents: they have to work, do errands, have time off for their mental health, maybe even do some volunteer work. How can they do it without having a village? Luckily, grandparents often come into the picture, and almost half of American grandpas and grandmas regularly care for their grandkids at least once every few months.
These grandparents were looking after their grandkids for a few days. But after the granddad had a medical emergency, grandma had to scramble and leave them with friends. After the parents found out, they were furious: how could the grandparents leave their children with virtual strangers and not tell them?
Two kids were staying with their grandparents for a few days when the grandpa had a medical emergency
Image credits: klavdiyav / Envato (not the actual photo)
The grandma decided to leave them with friends, but neglected to tell the parents about it
Image credits: guyswhoshoot / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Absolium
Just a few days ago, the son posted another update
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The father detailed some other instances when his parents would disregard his and his partner’s wishes in his update. But he also frequently asks for advice in other subreddits, mostly in those that are dedicated to adult children dealing with narcissistic parents.
The Redditor has posted about how the parents often diminish his accomplishments. “Every time I share an important accomplishment (sports, hobbies, work, etc.) I don’t get congratulations,” he wrote once.
“I realized that their stories about camping and pickleball club are apparently far more important than the fact that I, their son, landed a well-placed position within the Pride Network of a major employer in our country.”
Granted, the Redditor’s orientation might have also played a part. In other communities, the person writes about cutting contact with his parents previously because they wouldn’t accept him. “Today, I only speak to my parents when it’s absolutely necessary,” he wrote. “They are no longer allowed to see my children, their grandchildren.”
Just a few days ago, he posted another update in a different subreddit. In a surprising twist of events, the grandparents decided to move to their hometown and will be many miles away for the foreseeable future. “It’s both a wound and a relief,” the Redditor admitted.
“A wound, because clearly we’re going to be cast as the bad guys. The ungrateful son who turns against his parents and weaponizes his children by keeping them from seeing them. A relief, because at least they’ll be 300 km away and we’ll finally be able to breathe a little.”
The grandparents still refuse to admit they were wrong, but the son says he’s just plain tired. “I think this is the end, once and for all. I accept that I’ll be the black sheep in the extended family, that I’ll play the bad role, and that they’ll control the narrative,” he wrote.
“But I’ll try to see this as a new freedom and a fresh start. I’m mostly disappointed for my kids, who are losing grandparents they loved.”
Parents and grandparents need to discuss rules before disagreements happen
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Parents and grandparents disagreeing about childcare and discipline isn’t a new concept. 37% of American parents report minor disagreements with grandparents because of discipline. And 6% say they get into major disagreements, according to The C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health.
The things parents and grandparents most disagree about are discipline (57%) and food (44%). But TV and tablet screen time, manners, health and safety, favoritism, bedtime, and posting stories, photos, and other things relating to their children on social media are also points of contention for many families.
Parenting expert Esther Wojcicki says that most times, these kinds of conflicts arise because the parents still think of their adult children as kids and think they know better. “It’s hard for [grandparents] to readjust and realize that their kids are adults and now they can make their own decisions,” the author of How to Raise Successful People told Huff Post.
Some parents don’t undermine their adult children and their parenting rules out of malice, but rather do it out of ignorance. Of course, to the parents, it still feels disrespectful and undermines their role as parents.
Wojcicki recommends parents start setting boundaries with grandparents early. And what’s the secret to making them stick? Open and honest communication. According to Wojcicki, it’s important to talk about issues preemptively: “Do it in advance of having a battle.”
“While people aren’t angry at each other, they can sit down together and just talk about the golden rules for how to make parenting [and] grandparenting work for both sides,” Wojcicki explains.
If that doesn’t help, there’s no shame in limiting children’s contact with the grandparents, she says. Ultimately, the grandparents have to learn to respect the parents’ decisions and learn not to invade their space.”
“A simple text or phone call could have prevented the escalation,” the father believes
People’s opinions were split: some thought the parents were overreacting
Others thought the grandparents were way out of line
The father also detailed how the grandparents have a pattern of disregarding their parenting rules
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Absolium
He shared his dad’s medical emergency outcome as well
Finally, the dad revealed what he and his spouse decided to do regarding the grandparents
Image credits: Bykfa / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: annann_9 / Envato (not the actual photo)
