When my grandmother had her first grandchild, her youngest daughter was just 11. Bringing up children was a family responsibility and her role as a grandmother was limited to storytelling. Being illiterate, she would make me read out her favourite stories from Anandavikatan while plaiting my hair. She would shield me and my siblings from being scolded by our mother, who dared not speak harshly in front of her.
My mother became a grandmother in her late forties. The family size had become smaller, and she played a more active role in nurturing all her grandchildren. She was a safety net for her daughters and daughter-in-law who balanced their careers and families. It would be apt to say that behind every successful woman, one would find another woman — a mother or a mother-in-law.
Granny leave
I became a grandmother in my late fifties while at a crucial juncture in my career. I had to be a fully committed grandmother for short periods, at the time of birth of grandchildren, and I yearned for special leave for working grandmothers. Later during the visits of grandchildren, my husband and I epitomised the quote by Ogden Nash, “When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window”. I observed a more active role by grandmothers who live with their grandchildren. A cousin accompanies her grandchildren for table tennis practice and tournaments. My daughter’s mother-in-law guides the granddaughter with Bharatanatyam steps and accompanies her for dance recitals. In both instances, the working parents are unable to spare time.
My daughter chose a “safe” time after the second wave to travel and announced, “Mom, I am bringing them to stay with you for a month. They will attend their online classes and you just need to supervise.” My husband and I were delighted as our empty nest bustled with the chatter of classes, games and music. School kept the children busy from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m.
After school, the children learned guitar and tabla online. Self-control was put to test as the children had access to devices for long hours with a potential for wandering into video games. Prolonged screen time was a concern, and I coaxed them to walk during the breaks. My husband and I tried to supervise without appearing to be snooping. We were cautioned in hushed voices, “Patti, shhh, speak softly, I am online” and “Thatha, please, you are visible on the screen.” Nevertheless we followed the instructions from our daughter and set limits for playing video games.
Within the constraints of the lockdown, we organised outdoor activities on some days. The pandemic has changed me from an indulgent grandmother to a vigilant co-parent.
A grandmother’s role is no more limited to storytelling and pampering. It demands close partnership to instil self-control, appreciation of privileges and healthy habits to aid the children evolve into resilient and adaptive adults. After all, grandchildren have made us “grand” and the least that we can do is to give them our undivided attention and time.
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