ANOTHER LESS THAN FASCINATING EVENING STRETCHES OUT AHEAD OF US, THEN
The English have had their fair share of forgettable days in Big Cup. Sir Alex Ferguson’s first great Manchester United side were trounced 4-0 in 1994 by Romário, Hristo Stoichkov and Albert Ferrer. In 1966, Liverpool were humiliated 5-1 by Ajax in an Amsterdam pea-souper so thick Bill Shankly was able to race on to the pitch mid-game and give his players beneficial advice and a good hard clip round the lug. And on one cold Moscovian night in 1995, Graeme Le Saux lost a unanimous points decision 118-109, 118-109, 118-110. Blackburn went down 3-0 to Spartak that evening as well. What a show everyone made of themselves.
Anyway, point is, these things happen. But it’s also true that Leicester City’s 5-0 capitulation in Porto last night is right up there with the worst of it. Leicester are having a strange old season, one in which they could feasibly emulate both Nottingham Forest by winning Big Cup on debut, and the currently unique achievement of Manchester City’s 1938 vintage who, well, there’s no need to spell it out, but everyone’s thinking it, aren’t they? Claudio Ranieri is also exploring themes of duality, trying to retain his usual calm facade while clearly on a rolling boil. “I decided to change the team, the result is my fault,” he serenely began, before raising his voice to add the slightly more pointed: “My players lost a very great chance to show me their best.” Of course, it’s entirely possible that Leicester’s second string did grab their opportunity with both hands. It’s just that their best is that.
Whether the Foxes go on to match Forest, and indeed their other great Midlands mates Aston Villa, by lifting Europe’s premier pot at the first attempt, or get thrashed 9-0 on aggregate in the Round of Arsenal by Bayer Leverkusen then get relegated on the penultimate weekend of the season by none other than Manchester City, at least they’ll have avoided Euro Vase. That living hell now awaits Tottenham Hotspur every Thursday until the end of time. Spurs only started playing like genuine Big Cup hopefuls the minute they got knocked out of it, and their easy win last night over CSKA Moscow guarantees European football in the new year. It just remains to be seen whether Mauricio Pochettino takes the competition seriously, or once again picks the sort of preposterous team that makes this current Leicester shower look like Internazionale ‘64.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I love reading Jonathan Wilson but I really don’t know what ‘percussive vertical football is’” – that rarest of things, something The Fiver and Richard Keys agree on.
FIVER LETTERS
“On the subject of ECT for refs (Fiver passim), they’ve tried it before on players in a game in Norway. So it’s possible, albeit the devices need to be placed on the refs’ heads” – Nigel Assam.
“For once The Fiver has come over all bold and confident all of a sudden with a new direction in typography (yesterday’s Fiver), although it’s played havoc with my eyes. Can you go back to your regular self please” – Brian Wealthall (and many, many others).
“Surely the horse is in a stable condition, not position (yesterday’s Fiver). I misspoke that joke in that way after the Tyne-Wear horse punch incident and have never really moved on. Do people still punch horses?” – Philip Jones.
“I laughed out loud at yesterday’s Fiver. Just thought I should let you know. I subscribed in 2001” – Pat Viner.
“Fulham may lay claim to many superlatives, but I’m pretty sure that Cray Wanderers – founded 1860 - are London’s oldest football club! Alas they do not have a gin bar” – Brock Kwiatkowsky.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Nigel Assam.
SUPPORT THE GUARDIAN
Producing the Guardian’s thoughtful, in-depth journalism – the stuff not normally found in this email, obviously – is expensive, but supporting us isn’t. If you value our journalism, please support us by making a one-off or recurring contribution.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
The Met police force has launched an investigation into sex abuse claims involving London football clubs.
Gary Johnson, the former player who was paid £50,000 by Chelsea not to go public with allegations that he was sexually abused by their former chief scout Eddie Heath, has demanded further financial compensation from the club.
SKY SPORTS YELLOW BREAKING NEWS TICKER OF DOOM … Nasty Leeds owner Massimo Cellino has been banned for 18 months by the FA for breaking regulations relating to Mr 15%s … SKY SPORTS YELLOW BREAKING NEWS TICKER OF DOOM …
Ronald Koeman has said he may have to do an Oliver Twist impression and ask Farhad Moshiri for more after Yannick Bolasie’s season-ending knee-knack. “
Barcelona have invited Chapecoense to play in a friendly at the Camp Nou in August 2017 as a tribute to the victims of the plane crash in Colombia that killed many of the Brazilian club’s players and staff.
David Moyes has cancelled an agreement to bring Yann M’Vila back to the Stadium of Light from Rubin Kazan on a permanent deal after word got round that the midfielder was now about as keen on Sunderland as your average Newcastle fan.
Arsène Wenger has invested in some leg-irons and waved them the way of Mesut Özil and Alexis Sánchez. “These players have 18 months on their contracts and, no matter what happens, they will stay for 18 months,” growled the Arsenal boss.
Fifa bigwig Gianni Infantino has revealed exactly how he plans to suck the last remnants of excitement out of the World Cup. The bright spark wants to create 16 three-team groups that may feature nations whose quality is not dissimilar to that of Shortbread McFiver’s seven-a-side team.
And the third-round draw for the ever-popular Leyland DAF Cup threw up some tasty ties, including Yeovil v Southampton or Reading’s Under-21s. And yes, that incessant thumping noise is the sound of The Fiver’s pulse racing.
STILL WANT MORE?
There’s a new brand of Pulisball on the market, whispers Paul Doyle, and it’s doing West Brom’s form no harm at all.
One for your dads, kids: Bob Paisley’s This Is Your Life from 1977, chock full of sensible clothing, enthusiastic siblings and scripted chat from some proper legends. It’s right here, along with some belting goals, in Classic YouTube.
GOALS! GOALS! GOALS! GOALS! GOALS! (of the week), featuring a penalty from 40-year-old Lee Trundle.
Quiz! Quiz! Quiz! Which competitions are these managers and players discussing (well, mostly belittling actually)?
The Seattle Sounders and Toronto FC are proof that MLS title contenders must be built for both a season-long haul and the dusty dash for the finish, writes Luis Miguel Echegaray in the USA! USA!! USA!!!
In news that will send Roy Keane’s head spinning even further on its axis, Brazil’s Gabriel Barbosa might be off to earn a decent bit of crust at Leicester City. Well, so says The Rumour Mill.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. AND INSTACHAT, TOO!
