Name: The 00s. AKA the noughties.
Age: Come on, work it out.
Is it eight years and very nearly 10 months? It is. And 18 years and very nearly 10 months since they began.
God, it makes you feel old, doesn’t it? Speak for yourself. OK, yes.
Why are they back? Because of exactly that – they are back.
Says who? Says Drake.
Sir Francis? Wasn’t he even earlier than then? Drake the musician. As you well know.
What’s the story? Morning Glory … no, that was the 90s. Anyway, he – Drake, the rapper, singer, songwriter, record producer, actor, mogul and Canadian – celebrated his 32nd birthday last week with a Hollywood party dedicated to the decade. There was a 7-Eleven serving slurpees and a Blockbuster wall …
Blockbuster! Aww ... And a whole bunch of cars from the MTV show Pimp My Ride.
Pimp My Ride! Aww … And a Rap City booth.
Rap City! Errr ... It was bigger on Drake’s side of the Atlantic, to be honest.
And who was there? P Diddy (AKA Diddy, AKA Love), plus Chris Brown, Kendall Jenner, Jas Prince, French Montana, Swizz Beatz ... everyone, basically. Sporting velour tracksuits, headbands, flip phones …
Flip phones! Aww … And the cake was a massive Motorola Timeport two-way pager.
Aww … actually, I don’t remember them. Only cool people had them.
Any party bags? Yes. Chanel ones, worth $5,000 (£3,900), for all the women there.
And no bowls on the seashore or Spanish ships? None at all.
Anyway, that’s one nostalgic birthday bash. Does that really make it a thing, though, even if it was Drake’s party? No, but there’s more.
Go on. Jenner’s sister, Kylie, wore a Von Dutch trucker cap, as seen on the bonces of Britney Spears and Madonna back in the day.
What about Britain, anything over here? The floral tea dress of Kate Moss’s 2007 Topshop Collection is back and sought-after ... although maybe best not go there.
Go where? Topshop. Kate Moss.
Oh, I see. No. Also ballet pumps, skater T-shirts, Vans, Converse, cargo pants, The OC …
OK, got it, it’s a thing, the 00s are back. I suppose any time is better than 2018. And Razorlight, the noughtiest of noughties bands, have a new album out this month.
See, it wasn’t all good. Some rose-tinted glasses being worn here. Yes. Literally. As worn by Carmen Electra. Also back …
Do Say: Happy Birthday, @champagnepapi!
Don’t mention: Plymouth Hoe.
