HARRY’S GAIN
The Fiver’s got some good news and some fake news. The good news is that The Fiver is here to stay. The fake news is that it’s good news. Despite trying our best to unshackle ourselves from The Man, we’re still here. The harsh but completely understandable reality is that lazy gags and resistance to change for the best part of two decades have made us about as in-demand as Hootie and The Blowfish mini-discs. Po’ Fiver. But one footballing heavyweight who has been deemed worthy enough to fill a gap at a fancy new home is Harry Maguire.
Manchester United’s defence was deemed to be in such a sorry state that they’ve shovelled £80m into the Leicester City coffers to secure the services of the big-boned centre-back who is perhaps more famous for his memeability than his defending. It’s a world record for a defender too. So play that jaunty music and do that Roy Castle dance United fans. He’s a record breaker! “He is a great reader of the game and has a strong presence on the pitch with the ability to remain calm under pressure,” drooled United boss Ole Gunnar Solskjær. “[He is a] huge presence in both boxes – I can see he will fit well into this group both on and off the pitch. He has a great personality.”
The fee eclipses the £75m which Liverpool paid for Virgil van Dijk, a player who transformed Jürgen Klopp’s side from Premier League chumps into Big Cup champs with his ice-cool demeanour, leadership and recovery pace. Now, The Fiver’s of the opinion that Maguire is a perfectly good footballer and his greatest asset is that he’s not Phil Jones. But can he turn United into title contenders? Pep Guardiola thinks so. “We were interested but we could not afford him,” sniffed the famously cash-strapped Manchester City boss after their Community Shield win over Liverpool. “United could afford him. He’s strong in the air, good with the ball, he can drive with the ball and he’s so fast.”
So fast! It’s quite the zinger from Pep. He’ll be praising Lee Cattermole’s famed sensitivity and deft touch next. Maguire may well turn out to be a fine United player despite a lack of searing pace. Steve Bruce was never the quickest but, like Maguire, had good feet, a much talked-about head and a wardrobe-like presence that meant forwards rarely got into his orbit, never mind round him. He won three league titles too. United will hope for something similar from their new big man. And if it all goes wrong, he wouldn’t be the first expensive signing to flop at Old Trafford in recent times, would he?
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Hey Congress, do something now. End gun violence. Let’s go!’ – Philadelphia Union captain, Alejandro Bedoya, scores against DC United and then calls on the government to do something after a weekend in which 29 people died and 53 were injured in two mass killings.
FIVER LETTER
“The Fiver’s ‘golden era’ (Fiver letters passim) was when it had three articles and the TV and Radio section. Now you only do about 25% of the ‘work’ you did then. Heady days, indeed” – Michael Grant.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Rollover.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Seven grown men have been arrested after fighting between Manchester City and Liverpool fans broke out on the London Underground.
Kick It Out has urged the FA and clubs to take action after a series of incidents marred the Football League’s opening weekend. Fulham defender Cyrus Christie alleged his sister was hit and racially abused by a Cottagers fan at Barnsley, while Southend striker Theo Robinson claimed he was a target of racist abuse from a fan sitting near his family and friends at Coventry. Kick It Out also said James McClean of Stoke and Barnsley’s Bambo Diaby were subjected to abuse.
Schalke chief suit Clemens Tönnies is under pressure to resign following widespread condemnation of racist comments he made last week.
Manchester City have rustled up some spare change and are set to sign João Cancelo from Juve for £27.5m, with Danilo being marched out of the Etihad in the opposite direction.
Inter midfielder Radja Nainggolan has returned to Cagliari on a season-long loan. My heart belongs to Cagliari, to Sardinia, to the Rossoblu family,” he trilled. “With this shirt on my back, I grew, I fought and I suffered. And now I’m ready for new battles. I’ve come back home, my home.”
Slavia Prague could await the Queen’s Celtic if they get past Cluj in Big Cup qualifying, while Torino are on the horizon for Wolves if both advance in Big Vase.
And Adrián! Adrián! has joined Liverpool as Alisson’s understudy after Simon Mignolet was bundled out of the door marked Do One to Club Brugge. “I’m feeling really happy,” cheered Adrián! Adrián! after being shown how comfy the seats are in the Anfield dugout.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Football Weekly is back, baby. Or will be in this general area.
STILL WANT MORE?
It’s just your Manchester City Premier League preview and your Manchester United one on the same day. Oof!
Modern kits are stretching credibility – they’re not worth the woven Jacquard wave pattern they’re spun on, harrumphs Simon Burnton.
Get ready for another Premier League tussle between Liverpool and Manchester City, writes floating football brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson.
Sachin Nakrani cut away from his family holiday in San Francisco to take in the Community Shield with a bunch of ardent USA! USA!! USA!!!-based Liverpool fans. Here’s what he made of it.
Richard Williams on the first, tentative steps of Notts County’s attempted rehab.
It’s the Premier League fans’ previews, parts one and two, including a gloriously petty prediction of Liverpool getting relegated.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
