Will The Artist sweep the board, as it deservedly should? Will middlebrow and self-satisfied pap like The Descendants and The Help get any orbs at all, as they absolutely shouldn't? And most importantly, will the host Ricky Gervais' semi-risque jokes spark instant international outrage and fears that the very fabric of society has been irrevocably torn, as they did last year?
Join me and my co-conspirator Joshua Alston to find out this Sunday night when we'll be liveblogging the 69th annual Golden Globes, starting at 7pm EST, with all of the professional impartiality that the opening lines of this blogpost suggests.
There will be tears, wails and cries of outrage, and that's just from me looking at what insults to taffeta the celebrities wear this time around. There will also be the requisite drinking games, with a shot of tequila for every celebrity who keeps his tinted glasses on indoors (Robert Downey Junior, we're looking at you) or who gives a shout out to Haiti but only after tipping their hat to Bulgari for lending them such beautiful diamonds (*cough cough* Susan Sarandon *cough*). For every smug reference Gervais makes to last year's fake furore over his hosting duties, we'll poke ourselves in the eyes with a wine bottle. Fun times!
So park up with me on the sofa on Sunday evening. It might not have a happy ending. But it will be emotional.
