Name: Coinye.
Age: Six months.
Appearance: A gold coin emblazoned with a crude cartoon representation of Kanye West's head fused with the body of a fish.
Let's imagine that I don't have a clue what you're on about, and the 21st century makes me feel increasingly frightened and confused. OK. Done.
Now explain what on earth you're talking about. It's a dead cryptocurrency.
If anything, I'd say I now understand less. OK, some computer people invent a currency with a fixed number of units that can be owned and exchanged online.
Like that Bitcoin thing? Like Bitcoin, yes. Except, in January, these particular computer people decided to make cryptocurrencies jollier by launching a new one called Coinye West.
Funny guys. They'll have to be careful they don't infringe West's image rights though. Yeah, I'm not sure they managed that. Besides the name, they put a picture of the rapper's face on their logo and played his videos on their website.
And inevitably … West's lawyers told them to stop it. In response they dropped "West" from the name and replaced the picture of Kanye with "a half-man, half-fish hybrid who is wearing sunglasses". This came from the South Park episode that mocks West for taking himself too seriously and not having a sense of humour.
Didn't Evel Knievel once sue West for calling himself "Evel Kanyevel" in a music video? Oh, that was totally different.
I see. And now Coinye is finally dead? Afraid so. Most of the developers never responded to West's lawyers, so it has now been announced that they have lost the case by default. The others, including a 17-year-old from Peterborough called Harry Wills, settled a few months ago.
I hope Harry's learned his lesson? Not exactly. Rather the reverse in fact. "I've never had anyone try to sue me before, let alone an A-list celebrity," Wills told Ars Technica. "We didn't win but we've cost Mr West thousands in legal fees, which is a great feeling."
Charming. "Also," Wills added, "the main reason I settled is because I get to have West's lawyer, a United States district judge, and Kanye West's signature along with my signature on the legal document that removes me as a defendant, which I will print off and frame."
Do say: "Can you consult a lawyer next time?"
Don't say: "Kanye consult a lawyer next time?"
