Name: Corbyn.
Age: From -9 months to 68 years.
Appearance: Varying.
Are we talking about Jezza? Sort of.
It’s not the Glastonbury thing again, is it? There’s nothing wrong with quoting Shelley to the young, you know. No, not that. It’s the fact that more than 50% of parents say they would consider naming a child after the leader of the Labour party.
That’s quite a lot, sure, but Jeremy is not a bad name. Yes, it has always evoked a certain kind of middle-class nerd, but it’s kind of traditional, so … No, no, you misunderstand – they would consider naming a child Corbyn.
What? Corbyn.
As a first name? Indeed.
Wow. Looks like Jeremy is worse than we thought. Yes. According to the survey, by parenting forum Channel Mum, only 15% would consider Jeremy as an option.
But Corbyn. It’s made up of the words “cor” and “bin”. I know.
More than 50%? This can’t be true. Apparently, it is – although other politicians’ names don’t seem to be getting quite the same bump from their increased profile. Only 4% of respondents said they would name a baby Theresa (38% thumbs-upped May), while Boris, Diane and Donald each got 5%.
Consistency is a virtue, I suppose. And one in 10 Frozen fans in the same survey said they had called a child Olaf, Elsa, Anna or Kai, after the Disney characters. “X” names also proved popular, with an increase in Xanthes, Xanders and Jaxxons, for example.
I feel a violent headache coming on. Then you had better look away now. “Unicorn” names are showing a 10% rise in popularity.
With all due hesitation and dread – what are unicorn names? Things such as Rainbow, Twinkle and Sparkle.
As in: “This is my daughter – my human daughter – Sparkle and my real, actual son Rainbow”? I believe so, yes.
I have some names I could give those parents. I’m sure you do. But this is a family newspaper, so let’s leave it there.
Do say: “Golly, Jeeves. There’s some raw work pulled at the font from time to time, is there not?”
Don’t say: “Look upon what I have named my tiny baby, ye public, and despair.”
