Darius from Horsham. Cordelia from London. Clement from Guildford. Marisa from Glastonbury. Georgie from Chew Stoke. Not a collection of unfortunates who had been harassed by the Labour leader in Primrose Hill, but just some of the new parliamentary candidates the Greens were talking up at their election campaign launch at the Royal Society of Arts in London. “There is a #greensurge,” said MC for the day, Green peer Jenny Jones.
Only one of the #greensurge was actually present, though. That was Darren from Bristol. “I’m not a deep green,” he announced, somewhat diffidently. Nor was he a very bright green. More a dull green. “Does anyone have a question for Darren?” said Jones, after he had finished introducing himself. No one did, so Darren decided to answer one that he hadn’t been asked. “We shouldn’t really be focusing so much on what things cost,” he said. “We should concentrate on their value.” Up to a point, Darren. Up to a point.
It wasn’t entirely clear what the purpose of the event was meant to be as Jones had made it very plain at the start that it wasn’t the launch of a manifesto and that any questions on what may or may not be in the manifesto would not be tolerated. “The party conference is the supreme decision making being,” Natalie Bennett, aka Nat Jong-Il-Prepared, the rather less than supreme Green leader, explained helpfully, “and the party conference doesn’t take place for another couple of weeks. So...” Try to think of today, she shrugged, as an event to announce that we don’t quite know what we’re doing yet.
What Bennett wanted to talk about were the big themes: the £10 minimum wage, a safe climate, free education, affordable homes and sustainable cuddly toys for everyone. What everyone else in the room wanted to talk about was how much it would all cost – or be valued in Darren’s case, as only two weeks after being caught out on television by Andrew Neil struggling to count to five billion on her fingers, Bennett had just that morning given a far worse account of her party’s maths on LBC radio.
“Your radio interview this morning was excruciating,” a reporter from Sky news said, before kindly adding she had let her party down. Jones wasn’t having any of that kind of talk at the event. “She’s not going to talk about that, OK?” she announced bossily, her face reddening. “I will,” squeaked Bennett from behind her. “No, no, no, no,” Jones shouted. “I will, I will,” Bennett squeaked a little louder. Jones, too, upped the volume. “No, No. No,” she insisted, seemingly unaware she was digging her party into an even deeper hole; her lack of faith in Bennett was almost touching.
Bennett sensed she was temporarily outgunned and stayed seated. Caroline Lucas took the only remaining sensible option and closed her eyes, pretending she wasn’t there. Jones ploughed on regardless. “Let’s have another question,” she said. “From a woman. Are there any women who want to ask questions?” The women weren’t any more helpful to the Green cause and Jones wrapped things up with one final question from a man. “I wish I hadn’t asked you,” she huffed, when she discovered that he too wanted more policy detail.
Just before the end, Bennett escaped Jones’s clutches and made a dash for the microphone. “It was an excruciating interview,” she agreed. “I had a mental brain fade.” It was at least an honest explanation, if not an altogether satisfactory one as Bennett seems to get these mental brain fades around figures all too often. #greensurgedarren has only been a member of the Green party for less than a year but there’s a fair chance he could be its leader by May.
