While shopping at a small convenience store the other day, I noticed that the young guy serving me seemed to want to start his usual conversation while he put my items through the checkout.
Now, one of my pet annoyances is the casual question often asked by retail assistants. That is, the ubiquitous, "How has your day been?"
What are you supposed to say to that? It makes me go bananas. The question itself opens up a can of worms. Do you answer truthfully or flippantly? I usually answer with some sort of inanity, but I often wonder if a harrowing or even horrifying tale of the day's events might cure the repeat offender once and for all.
I thought I might relay a story of such ludicrous content that the assistant would get the idea, and I would finally put a stop to this annoying question every time I went into that store.
I imagined a conversation with the checkout assistant along these lines:
Him: "And how has your day been?" [beep beep]
Me: "Not too good really."
Him: "Aha" [beep beep]
Me: "My best mate passed away today."
Him: "That's too bad." [beep beep]
Me: "I had known him all his life."
Him: "Aha." [beep beep]
Me: "He was a tough old coot, and he had a real hard life, you know. I remember when he lost his left eye on a pig hunting trip we went on once. He ran straight into a tough old boar, and they got into a hell of a fight."
Him: "What, your mate and the pig?"
Me: "Yeah, but he healed up and was fine with only one eye."
Him: "Aha." [beep beep]
Me: "Not long after that, he lost a leg after a horse kicked him. That horse broke every bone in that leg and they couldn't save it. It didn't seem to worry him, though. After he healed up, he got around all right on what he had left in the leg department."
Him: "That's too bad." [beep beep]
Me: "Yeah, I also remember the time he was bitten by a brown snake. Yep, bit him right on the neck. He got over that OK too, but the muscles in the right side of his neck were permanently paralysed, which meant he went around with his head always bent to the right after that. That was OK, but of course he couldn't see anything happening on his left side, unless he turned around. That's why the bull hooked him with its horn the day we were sorting the cattle in the yards. Yeah, broke three of his ribs, and sent him soaring straight over the top rail of the yard."
Him: "Aha." [beep beep]
Me: "That's when he landed on the branding fire, burnt half the hair off him and it never grew back properly. He healed up after that and still got around OK."
Him: "That sounds painful." [beep beep]
Me: "Yeah, he sure was a tough old bird. What finally did for him though was that damn school bus."
Him: "He was run over by a school bus?"
Me: "Yeah, he went down to the front gate with the kids to see them off to school like he normally did but, you see, the bus came up on his left side and well, you can guess the rest. The vet tried to save him, but he was too far gone and I had to have him put down, the poor old fella."
Him: "Wait a minute. You were talking about a dog?"
Me: "Of course. He was my best mate. I had him since he was a pup.
Him: "What was the dog's name?"
Me: "His name was Lucky."
