Doncaster council asked people to vote to name two gritter lorries in the run up to Christmas. It can get quite parky up Yorkshire way, so it’s good that they’re preparing early for the snow and ice to come. The winning names would join a fleet of gritters with names such as Gritney Spears, Brad Grit, and Usain Salt. The only proviso was that people kept it clean and steered clear of the perhaps inevitable Gritty McGritFace, or, less obviously, and certainly less pleasantly, Gary Gritter.
The field looked open throughout, with zingers such as Spready Mercury and Basil Salty – even US singer Curtis Stigers pitched in with Grit Balls of Fire. However, the worthy winners were David Plowie and Gritsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Anti-Slip Machinery. While Gritsy Bitsy had to duke it out with Spready Mercury, I was always rooting for David Plowie. Not only because of Bowie’s festive connection with The Snowman – I could just visualise David Plowie scattering fragments of sedimentary rock (’n’ roll) on the icy pavements on behalf of the good folk of Doncaster.
By now, perhaps some people are getting weary of these periodic naming fests, but, as your correspondent, Barbie McBarbFace, I’m still loving it. The naming is great fun, but what I really enjoy is the mass outbreak of what I presume to be work-based skiving. At least I like to imagine that most of the people voting so enthusiastically were bored at work, say, in offices and call centres, tipping back their chairs, chewing pen tops, putting their brains to great seasonal use, dreaming up what were actually pretty decent snow, grit, and salt puns.
Well done, Doncaster council, and everyone who voted. This was truly the best of Britain in action, or, should I say, in inaction. It’s enough to make you come over all patriotic.
- This article was amended on 19 November 2017. It originally referred to David Bowie’s music for The Snowman. This has now been corrected.
