How’s your day going?
Bit on edge ahead of the Croatia match?
If so, fire up the STV Player, find their North Macedonia v Netherlands programme and fast-forward to the game’s 58th minute.
“LOVELY wee goal, it really is. Superb! I love it”.
Pure, undiluted Ally McCoist, bursting through the clouds. Like the first sight of the main stage after 45 minutes of trudging from the bus to the campsite at a festival.
That description of the third Netherlands goal came seven minutes after their second was hailed as “Tremendous... fantastic... magic”. And yet, ITV will no doubt give us Lee ‘I suppose it’s a decent strike I guess’ Dixon for the final.
Referring to Dutch defender Denzel Dumfries, McCoist’s commentary partner Clive Tyldesley said: “He may just have the coolest player name in the Championships. There should be a UEFA award for the best name in all the sports”. In a living room somewhere, Steve Coogan was frantically scribbling down notes for the next Alan Partridge series.
If, like me, you’ve spent the tournament wondering whether Tyldesley was named after hip-hop originator Clive Campbell, AKA DJ Kool Herc, you were in for a major shock. “I was named after an 18th-century military commander. Clive of India”, he confirmed.
Referring to a light aircraft that had flown overhead during a Dutch training session, Tyldesley said: “There was another yesterday, with a banner telling De Boer to pick Donyell Malen, which he’s done”. Addressing McCoist, he continued: “Next time you’re on the golf course, have a look up. It may be Mrs M with a message for you…’We need milk’.”
You just don’t get this kind of thing from other commentary teams, with their fancy ‘analysis’ and ‘restraint’.
As ITV host Mark Pougatch talked of “the news that Billy Gilmour has tested positive for Covid-19”, ITV lingered a suspiciously long time on slow-motion images of Gilmour being embraced by Steve Clarke at Wembley. NICE TRY, LADS.
Finland v Belgium on the BBC proved that, three games in, Jonathan Pearce still hasn’t worked out how to pronounce Glen Kamara’s surname. Eventually it’ll click.
