If you've been in Glasgow long enough, chances are you've come across some sketchy pub toilets in your time.
There might be a vending machine in there from 1999, stocked up with emergency flesh-coloured tights and expired condoms. Maybe you've queued for 20 minutes in a spit-and-sawdust boozer where there is only a single cubicle. Perhaps you even ventured to The Unit back in the day, where you decided never to visit a communal bathroom ever again in your life.
But inevitably, with the rise of Instagram, there has been a big focus on making the loos ~ aesthetic ~ and let's face it, some of our best memories from nights out come from the conversations you have in there, away from the hectic buzz of the bar.
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For women especially, the bathroom is sacred ground: The place where you drunkenly make new friends, add each other on Instagram, make plans to meet up and ultimately never see each other again. A hype hub where you indulge in a flurry of compliments with complete strangers over their outfits and makeup. A haven where you can refresh and take stock, zhuzh your hair and top up your lipgloss while catching up on gossip. A safe space to laugh, cry, and take mirror selfies.
Does that all sound unhinged? Probably. But it's all okay – welcomed, even – within the strict confines of the pub toilets.
Here's our round-up of Glasgow's loo-dicrously fancy bar and restaurant bathrooms. (Scraping the barrel? Us?)
Ralph and Finn's
Urban Bar and Brasserie opened its new restaurant Ralph and Finn's last November – and when it comes to a boujee bathroom, they clearly understood the assignment. Walk down the stairs and you'll find no stone has been left unturned in creating this bathroom - geometric floor, forest green tiling with white grouting and rainforest wallpaper with mirrors on the doors. Dodging your round? You'll find much contentment in this oasis of calm. (P.S. Don't be that guy.)
Blythswood Square
Feeling FLUSH after payday? You could do worse than head to Blythswood Square. It's probably one of the more upmarket places you can go for a drink in the city centre, so it makes sense that they have a tarted-up bathroom. You know you're in somewhere fancy when they provide miniature towels instead of nuclear hand-dryers...
You'll probably meet a glamorous Giffnock maw in there after a boozy brunch and wind up being friends for life. Maybe she'll invite you on a cruise with her family. That's the magic of the bar toilets; the possibilities are endless.
Revolution Mitchell St
This is a place where boozy chats flow like tap water and you can still hear the music pouring in from the club – so you at least have warning when your song comes on. Revolution has kept it simple with checkered floors, circle mirrors, exposed brick and a huge mirror to give your outfit a once-over – but when it comes to the vibe, you'll be in there chatting all night. And let's not forget the massive bath tub. Slag it off all you want, we miss it.
The Ivy, Buchanan Street
You can't talk about bar toilets without giving The Ivy a mention: The upmarket restaurant chain are famed for their loos, with chintzy mirrors, Oriental wallpaper and moody lighting meaning you're always guaranteed to get a good photo. Unfortunately, the Buchanan Street spot has come under fire for its treatment of staff during lockdown, but there are plenty of other stunning bars to pick from on this list. We move...
Ka Pao, Hillhead
When it comes to design, the toilets at Ka Pao in Vinicombe Street, Hillhead are up there with the best – potted plants, distressed white tiling, neon pink lit mirrors and large white counter-top sinks. Raw yet refined. An interior designer's dream.
Acid Bar, SWG3
Massive stripped-back industrial vibes at the Acid Bar toilets: Bright lighting, mint-green cubicles, each with its own sink and a huge mirror at the end of the walls and on the ceiling too. There's a satisfying symmetry to the place that, after a while, becomes a wee bit unnerving. Not one to hang around in discussing the deeper meaning of life at 2am, though lockdown curfews have thankfully put paid to this.. For now.
