The world is full of stuff and things, so why add to the haul with unnecessary Christmas presents? We’re not saying don’t give a gift at all, but in a world of high consumption and hoarding why not give one that isn’t a thing.
Flight vouchers
Calla Wahlquist: For the past decade at least one member of my family has lived 4,000km away, so I get flight vouchers pretty regularly. It started when I moved to Bunbury, Western Australia, and couldn’t afford to fly back to Victoria to visit my parents on a $500-a-week cadet journalist salary. This year my sister and her partner bought me a voucher for flights to Port Hedland, because they are having a baby and I want to meet it.
Ensure your far-flung loved one has no excuse not to visit, or shuffle your favourite homebody off on an enforced adventure. Qantas, Virgin and Jetstar sell flight vouchers, as do booking companies such as Webjet.
Lessons
Did your friend grow up loving horses despite being raised in an inner-city apartment? Does your cousin never stop talking about how he could have been a guitar god before his corporate career took over? Is your dad’s cooking so bad it’s a cliché?
It’s never too late for an old dog to learn new tricks (as long as that old dog isn’t hoping to become a career athlete). Cooking classes, in particular, seem increasingly popular, and many top chefs offer one-off sessions with small groups. Bonus – a delicious meal at the end, as long as you don’t burn it.
Tickets
Elle Hunt: I was given tickets to Taylor Swift’s Sydney concert by my then boyfriend, the idea being he’d fly over from New Zealand to join me. Because they were in such high demand, it was nearly a year away, and we broke up in the interim. When the time came, I had to check that he did not still intend to come. Then I sold them both to a friend, at mate’s rates but nonetheless at a profit – and got better seats as review tickets for free. Nailed it, really.
3D movie showings, where you sit in a big armchair and someone brings a champagne or whatever, are ridiculously indulgent these days but totally guilt free if they’re a gift. Film festivals and open-air cinemas are also excellent presents for movie buffs. For a gift that keeps on giving, annual subscriptions to theatre and ballet companies ensure you are appreciated year round.
For those more into music, tickets to the hottest touring act go down a treat, but you have to buy at least two so they aren’t on their own. Some booking agencies also offer vouchers.
Passes and membership
Zoos, museums, galleries, golf clubs, sporting teams, gyms – there are still dozens of social interaction activities that don’t involve the internet. Set someone up for a year of cultural or artistic enjoyment, or a solid season of shouting at a game in real life, surrounded by lots of other people shouting at the game.
Experiences
One year my mother-in-law gave everyone Red Balloon vouchers for various experiences she thought we’d like, and because she’s pretty cluey we did actually like them all. (This isn’t a humorous mother-in-law anecdote – hi Jenny!).
Skydiving, hot-air ballooning, swimming with sharks – these are all things you are unlikely to do on a whim, but if someone sends you along it’s a different story.
Vouchers often expire, so don’t drop a bundle on a skydiving package for someone if they are going to wuss out or procrastinate about using it. And don’t toy with people too much – if someone has vertigo it’s not going to be funny to send them on the Sydney harbour bridge climb.
Favours
Sometimes the things people really want just can’t be bought. Personalised vouchers to babysit young siblings or nieces and nephews, clean your parents’ house or mow the lawn, are practical and appreciated. For your significant other, a voucher (booklet – let’s not be stingy) to massage your partner’s shoulders, or do something else to your partner’s something else, can really score brownie points as long as it doesn’t look like you just mocked them up that morning when you remembered what day it was.
Actual poo (and other acts of charity)
Anonymous: A friend gave her brother a trailer full of poo one year, which went to a developing community to help them with agriculture/fertiliser. She literally gave him shit for Christmas, but he couldn’t complain as it was for a good cause. Passive aggressive and charitably effective.
There are plenty of charities and aid organisations which let you buy something for someone who really truly needs it, on behalf of your friend or relative who doesn’t.
Oxfam, for example, offers a range of altruistic donations-as-gifts, including valuable animals such as a goat or chicken, a water well, a bag of seed or, yes, a heap of manure. The Alternative Technology Association is a non-profit organisation which installs solar-powered lighting in East Timorese villages.
There’s a solid chance the recipient will be mildly disappointed by this gift, but it’s equally unlikely they’ll show it.
Animals
It goes without saying that a pet is not just for Christmas, so please don’t impulse-buy someone a dog. Instead, why not help out a shelter which will end up looking after all those animals when too many people forget the golden rule. Donate to keep struggling shelters running or help a friend become a foster parent. This is another gift of charity on behalf of someone else but many shelters, such as Greyhound Rescue NSW, have also gotten on to the merchandise game.
Further afield, a non-domesticated animal gift can be bestowed by sponsoring an orangutan. Several organisations facilitate this, including the Orangutan Project which lets you “adopt” one for as little as $12 a month. One-off purchases include a bag of feed, puzzles, medical care, or a year at jungle school for five orphans.
Personalised entertainment
There’s no reason why you shouldn’t be directly involved in your loved one having all the fun. Put your creative talents to use – if you’re a writer why not pen a personalised story? Musicians, write someone a song. If your talents lie mainly in just having a really good time, stage an excellent day out for a friend. It could be anything from a trip to the zoo and a nice dinner somewhere or a completely bespoke adventure around your home town.
Stars
What is essentially buying a ball of gas which probably ceased to exist several millennia ago has become the ultimate in trite romantic gestures. But it doesn’t just have to be for Valentines Day.
There are a bunch of unofficial commercial companies that let you name a star in return for money, for the astronomy-mad sister or the rich uncle who already owns everything on the planet. Note, however, the only place that star name will be registered is on the company’s database.
