A woman (@toastedciabatta) has gone viral on TikTok after sharing how her husband was kissed by a stranger at the bar. But for commenters, the concern isn’t based on the event itself—but how she wished she handled it.
The TikToker set the scene by explaining how she and her husband were in a Los Angeles bar downtown. However, as her husband went to buy drinks at the bar, a woman approached him, held his face, and tried to kiss him on the mouth. Naturally, the husband turned away, but she ended up catching his cheek instead.
The creator noted how she tried to stay chill about it and attempted to laugh it off before minimizing the action further after the girl’s friend apologized on her behalf.
When they passed the same woman later on in the night, @toastedciabatta said nothing. But in her TikTok, she says she wishes she had a “very firm interaction” with the woman.
What she wishes she had done instead
She walked through viewers on how she would approach her.
“I would say it’s really important to me to understand that it doesn’t make it OK,” she says. “The principle is that it’s just not OK to make intimate contact with anyone without their consent, and that applies to men and women. If a man did that to a bar, I think this likely could be a very different story about that. […] That’s not a comment on you or your appearance or anything. It’s just that you’re a stranger, and we wouldn’t agree to that. It was selfish. Do you understand that?”
She added that she would’ve then asked the woman if she had anything to say—but noted that she wouldn’t “demand” an apology.
“Is there a ‘right’ way to handle something like that?” she asked in the video description. “Did I completely miss my shining opportunity for a justified bar brawl?”
Commenters were unconvinced by the ‘gentle parenting’ approach
The video amassed 628,500 views, but the majority of viewers didn’t agree with her approach.
One wrote, “She kissed him with no prior conversation? And her friend apologized? Yeah, she was gone. Nothing you would have said would have gotten through. That is a conversation that she needs while sober.”
@toastedciabatta Is there a “right” way to handle something like that? Did I completely miss my shining opportunity for a justified bar brawl?! #storytime #fypage #dramatiktok #couples #relationships ♬ original sound – toastedciabatta
While a second opined, “Yeah, the way you reacted to your partner getting kissed by a stranger without his consent is kind of wild to me. he was just assaulted in front of you and you just asked like ‘you OK that was weird?’ like what?”
“Honestly, if it were me, I would have pretended I didn’t see it and then waited to see if he told me later on in the evening, just so I know if he is open and honest with me about stuff like that, and then I’ll go from there,” a third added. “I want to know if it’s something he’s willing to tell me if I wasn’t personally around to witness, but that’s just me.”
More critcism
Apologetically, a fourth said, “Sorry girl, I disagree. And I disagree because she is intoxicated and in a club. I don’t think you can gentle parent another adult who is under the influence. I think it probably was best the way it played out and hopefully her friend told her in the morning and told her it wasn’t okay.”
This TikToker isn’t the only one to deploy gentle parenting on bar punters. In a viral video, Chris Evans (@chrisevans8832) shared how, when he visited a bar, he ended up being cut off. However, rather than making a scene, the bartender slipped him a polite, discreet note.
“You have been cut off. Please leave quietly, and no one will know,” the note read. “It has been a pleasure to serve you, but it is time for you to leave for the night.”
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