Posting your private life online comes with a level of understanding that you will be scrutinized by strangers, whether you like it or not. Couple influencers and family TikTokers know this is par for the course–they are no strangers to having folks dissect their relationships. Still, what happens when seemingly the entire internet deems your marriage a failure?
Teacher and TikToker Kaitlyn (@kaitlynnjb) is the latest–but certainly not the last–to be put under TikTok-stigation after she shared what she thought was a funny prank her husband played on her. Viewers, however, found it anything but funny.
What did her husband pack her for lunch?
“So I forgot my lunch today, and I asked my husband to bring me lunch,” Kaitlyn begins. She films her lunch bag while she sits at her desk in her classroom. “So let’s do an unboxing.”
First, Kaitlyn pulls out a half-empty bag of Milano chocolate cookies. “Not even a Ziploc, just the bag,” she laughs. Secondly, she unpacks a nearly empty bag of pretzels, still in its original packaging. She then takes out one apple, an entire container of Pringles (which sounds half empty), and another half-empty bag of cookies.
Kaitlyn pauses to laugh before pulling out a two-day-old Chipotle order, its container squished.
But the last item takes the cake.
“And at the very bottom, we have a bag of dog food,” Kaitlyn says, showing viewers a Ziploc bag of kibble. A note is stuck to it.
“Because you’re my dawg,” the note reads. But it doesn’t end there. The note continues, “Please bring back. The dogs are low on food.”
Kaitlyn bursts out laughing. “So, ladies, if you don’t have food and your husband has to bring your lunch, just know that you’re going to get lots of food, as well as maybe a cute note,” she concludes. “This is nice, this is great.”
The TikToker added in the caption, “Thanks Trev love you so much! Thanks for really putting thought into it…. Also I realized you clearly knew where the ziplocks were cause you used one for the dog food.”
People are furious
Before Kaitlyn turned off the comments on her TikTok–which earned 27 million views in four days–commenters let their thoughts be known. The majority were livid for her, saying that this shows her husband didn’t care about her.
Many called out the bag of dog food as outright disrespect. And while viewers could no longer comment, TikTokers ended up making their own videos about Kaitlyn’s viral clip.
In one TikTok, user @bug.cel informed Kaitlyn that her husband “hates” her. “He actually wants you dead. I don’t know if you knew that but he wants you dead,” @bug.cel says. That clip earned 943,000 views, with folks dragging the husband in the comments.
“She was giggling like it was nothing,” one stop comment read, while another wrote, “He was weaponizing ‘incompetence.’”
In one clip with 7.2 million views about the situation, TikToker @wtfaleisa shared the same sentiments as @bug.cel and thousands of others.
“Of course she’s doing the classic thing of ‘it’s just a joke, it’s just a joke,” @wtfaleisa says. “OK. If that’s the joke lunch, where is the real lunch?”
She continued, “Also, the added layer of him being fully aware that there is not enough food for the dog at home, but won’t just buy more dog food?”
“He did it on purpose,” one comment read. “So that she never asks again.”
Another pointed out, “The fact that the dog food was at the bottom means he did that FIRST.”
What is weaponized incompetence?
According to the Cleveland Clinic, weaponized “is a psychological dynamic where one person avoids or refuses to do a task and uses their ‘incompetence’ as an excuse.” This often presents in committed relationships, though it can happen with anyone. Common examples are a man loading the dishwasher wrong on purpose, so he’s not asked to do it again, or putting the entire frying pan in the fridge instead of packing the leftovers in Tupperware.
Cleveland Clinic says there are 4 signs to look for when you suspect weaponized incompetence.
- They use phrases like, “I’m not good at that,” ““You do this task better than I can,” and “I know you enjoy doing X.”
- They make no attempt to improve.
- They use the word “help” in things that should be shared responsibilities. “This is because the partner is operating under the assumption that the other person is always responsible for said task and that they’re only helping as a special favor,” the site writes.
- They shift the blame to the other person. For example, claiming you didn’t “give them the right instructions.”
@kaitlynnjb Thanks Trev love you so much! Thanks for really putting thought into it…. Also I realized you clearly knew where the ziplocks were cause you used one for the dog food… #newteacher #teachertok #elementaryteacher #firstyearteacher #husbandwife ♬ original sound – Kaitlyn Teaches
The Mary Sue has reached out to Kaitlyn via TikTok direct message for comment.
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