Aug. 06--You ushered your child to his sports physical, bought his school supplies and located your neighborhood on the bus schedule. Now for the hardest part of the back-to-school routine: switching his mindset from carefree to conscientious.
Here's some advice from the pros:
Kindergarten
It's likely your child never again will be this enthusiastic about school. It's what the big kids do, and she wants to be like the big kids. Harness the excitement while setting the ground rules.
--Make the first day a milestone. Help her choose a new backpack and outfit. Schedule a haircut. Take a snapshot.
--If your child has a medical issue, assuage his angst by reviewing his diagnosis with the school nurse and learning the school's procedures, said Beth Mattey, president-elect of the National Association of School Nurses. Who keeps the asthma inhaler? Where should he go to ride out a nosebleed? Which adult will understand his fear of thunderstorms?
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--Ask the teacher how he handles the kindergartner who clings to mom or dad. Then, follow his procedure. He's been through this before.
--Schools have lots of rules. Review them with your child. "Kids get anxious when they don't know what's expected of them," said Kelly Vaillancourt Strobach, director of government relations for the National Association of School Psychologists.
--Know the territory. If there is no kindergarten open house before school begins, line up your own visit. Give your child a chance to find her classroom and cubbie, check out the playground and meet the staff.
--A week or more before school starts, begin your weekday routine by getting up earlier, eating breakfast, packing lunches, etc. "Then, when school starts, it's not a jolt," Strobach said.
--Just reaching the kindergarten classroom is daunting if your little one must wade through a sea of big kids to reach it. Ask your teacher to match your child with a "fifth-grade buddy" who can meet him at the front door and get him to class safely. "If you feel your child is unsafe, speak up," Mattey said. "Parents have power."
--Before Day One arrives, ask your child how he would handle the "what-ifs." What if there's trouble at the bus stop? What if the nurse is at another school on the day he needs her? What if he forgets his lunch?
Elementary school
By first grade, school is a familiar place. In terms of academics, though, the party's over. Now your child is expected to get along socially and learn his three R's.
--Maintain an upbeat attitude, Strobach said. "Say, 'We get to buy new school supplies,' not, 'Ugh, we have to buy more supplies.'"
--"Post your family calendar where everyone can see it," said Kristin Marshall, Minneapolis mother of two and one-half of the kindie band Bazillions. "I put it on the refrigerator door, so the kids can anticipate events."
--"Before school starts, prime the kids with educational but fun activities, like watching our 'Silent E' video," Marshall said. "Then they walk into the classroom with confidence."
--Add "homework time" to your evening routine. "You can do your homework then too, like paying bills," Marshal said.
--Limit activities and sports to one per season, Strobach suggested. "Otherwise (your child) has no downtime, which he needs," she said.
Middle school
Who can concentrate on school when your priorities are braces, body odor, bras and bullies? Your child can survive this horrendous hyphen between elementary and high schools but not without your support.
--The No. 1 issue among incoming middle schoolers, Strobach said, is "locker anxiety." You can't find your locker, or you forgot your lock combination. "Normalize this by telling your child everyone has this, and adults still have nightmares about it," she said.
--Discourage teachers and coaches from comparing your middle schooler to her older siblings: "Your sister was our mathlete" or "Your brother has such a great voice." Encourage her to form her own identity.
--Talk to your child about the effects of raging hormones -- physically and socially. "In his eyes, every day is a legitimate crisis," Strobach said. Lessen the pain with young-adult books that inject humor. "It's easier to floss with barbed wire than admit you like someone in middle school," wrote Laurie Halse Anderson in "Speak."
High school
The good news: Your teen is in the homestretch. The bad news: He's in the homestretch. In addition to school and extracurriculars, he is stressed out about advanced-placement classes, class rank, college tests and college apps. Ready your safety net.
"My high schooler, Jack, keeps telling me, 'I've got it,'" said Mary-Jo Caldwell, a Raleigh, N.C., environmental engineer and mom of two. "In high school, they still need help but want their freedom. Let them take the lead."
--Before school starts, encourage him to clean his room and organize his clothes, Caldwell said. "Then he won't have to worry about dressing from the clean-clothes pile in the laundry room," she said.
--Don't pick your high schooler's classes for her, said Cynthia Edwards, also of Raleigh, a mother of two and a psychology professor. "Ask if she's met her requirements, then back off. She needs to learn to make these decisions."
--Attending the school's back-to-school night tells you a lot about the teachers, support staff and the school's college-search resources.
--Understand the value of high school extracurriculars, Edwards said. "This is where the kids find lifelong friends and passions," she said.
--While some high schoolers are old enough to vote and join the military, they are not yet adults who have earned 100 percent freedom. "Consider them adults with training wheels," Edwards said.
College
"Send lots of care packages" is Edwards' daughter's advice to parents of college kids. Otherwise, your parenting job is done.
Not.
--Before your college freshman leaves, sit down and talk about your "communications expectations," Edwards said. "How often do you expect her to call home or Skype?" she said. "Should she call you if she leaves campus for the weekend?"
--You cannot legally access your 18-year-old's school records unless he signs a waiver (usually on the college's website). "Even then, you might not receive daily reports like you did when he was in high school," Edwards warned. "So it's time for the student to keep track."
--Orientation is a good time to learn where the student should go for personal, financial and academic help. "It's no longer appropriate for you to swoop in," Edwards said. "She has to solve these problems herself now. Save your swooping for the times when the college's resources don't work."
--If your 18-year-old remains under your roof, your house rules still apply. No serving alcohol to his study group or waking the whole household because he has an early-morning class. Tell him if you expect him to pay rent and/or do additional chores. Until he's truly independent, the training wheels are still attached.
Leslie Mann is a freelance reporter.
