It's a pretty lucky week for any music fan who is:
A) a white, 25-year-old brunette woman with blue eyes; B) a 20 to 30-year-old man with slightly receding hair; or C) the spitting image of Sloth from The Goonies (and it's not often that people in this category have good weeks, believe me).
These people are lucky because they can take advantage of some of the photo-stamped Glastonbury tickets that have gone on sale on eBay, there despite the fact that Michael Eavis has threatened to personally track touts down and have them hung, drawn and pelted with the contents of a portaloo on the streets of Pilton. (Or something.)
Since the first tickets appeared last week, dozens more have cropped up on the auction site along with a whole range of stories justifying the sales. What's interesting about the online sales pitches is that they all try far too hard to take the "Ticket tout? No guv, I'm just an honest punter who can't make it" angle.
Most fail miserably, like the woman who "can't get adequate childcare for my daughter" and promises to donate 10% of her profits to the NSPCC because she's "not looking to make any money". Hmm... Surely if she wasn't looking to make money, she'd donate 100% of the profits, no?
Responding to these types of messages are the Guerilla Ticket Tout Police - users like Affirmation1977 who recently bid over £9,000,000 for a ticket, just to piss the seller off. On her profile, she is branded as "an absolute time-waster" for bidding on other tickets for up to £50,000.
There are, however, genuine cases to be made for putting a Glastonbury ticket on eBay. XRRF reports on a 26-year-old student who claims he was threatened with legal action if he didn't remove his ticket listing. Thing was, the reason he couldn't make it to the festival was because his ticket was only valid if he travelled on a coach that left on the same day as his Grandmother's funeral.
Apparently, after being approached by the BBC, Michael Eavis granted the student access to Glastonbury at any point during the weekend, provided he bring along the death certificate. This, surely, has to be a case of crossed wires. Can you imagine anything more crushing to the famous "Glastonbury spirit" than having to travel down with your ticket in one hand and proof of a close family member's recent passing in the other? As XRRF puts it: "I suppose we should be grateful that they're not asking for some DNA from the corpse to prove that the death certificate was of a relative."
Many of the eBay adverts come with a picture of ticket and the blurry photo ID. One that caught my eye seems to include an image of Sloth from the Goonies.
"Hey, you guys! I have a spare ticket for Glastonbury 2007. Unfortunately I can't attend due to finding the key to One Eyed Willy. Picture is as on ticket. Stick on a Superman T-shirt and Red braces and you could get through... I personally recommend watching the Fratellis. May exchange ticket for Rocky Road ice cream or Baby Ruth bars."
The bid stands at 99p at the time of writing. There are, of course, better things to spend your money on, such as the array of hastily put together Glastonbury festival tat that has surfaced. Maybe you fancy a Glast07 Virgin T-shirt or - better still - a set of acid-tab-themed blotting paper. Of course, the seller points out "we do not sell or have any LSD so please do not ask," and explains that each print contains "a massive 896 tiny perforated squares, they look fantastic when framed". Because, as we all know, there's nothing people like to do more at Glastonbury than, erm, frame things.
