Otherwise, thanks all for your company and comments - enjoy.
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That was an excellent show from Germany, who directed Slovakia around the pitch for the entirety of the game - they seem to have found a first XI. In the first half especially, they purred with menace and invention, Hector and Kimmich a particular threat and Draxler an imaginative, dextrous joy.
They will play Italy or Spain in Bordeaux, next Saturday! Well, if you’re forcing me!
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Full-time: Germany 3-0 Slovakia
That was so comprehensive Michael Gove is already trying to make it an academy.
90+1 min And Germany almost add a fourth! Again, Muller zooms and feints down the right - well, you know - cutting back a tasty ball into the path of Kroos, who meets it at full pelt, ten yards out. But it’s near enough to Kozack for him to beat away. Great save, though he oughtn’t to have had a chance.
90 min There shall be a minimum of two additional minutes.
88 min For all the patter about Kimmich, Hector is the first of the gang to die equally impressive. And he breaks forward again, on the end of lovely one-touch stuff between more or less everyone, overhitting his eventual cross.
86 min “‘Testimonial feel’ - isn’t that what Low does,” titters Andy Gordon.
Here’s Lukas.
84 min Change for Slovakia. Gyomber, who must have twisted platelets after facing Draxler, is replaced by Salata.
83 min Podolski is trying really hard, and he finds space on the left of the box before slamming a low left footer into the nearest defender.
82 min I always had him as Mr Logic from Viz.
@DanielHarris I dunno...to me Jogi Low looks more like Moe Howard. pic.twitter.com/wZCdclhKTW
— Hubert O'Hearn (@BTBReviews) June 26, 2016
80 min “Switched from listening to Emily Thornberry telling Channel 4 news Jeremy Corbyn was on course to be Prime Minister to find you describing this as the best performanceafter three others including ‘England against Russia,” emails Ally Ross. “Have I passed into the next life? Please confirm.”
Thornberry is from Islington, so naturally she has a deep affinity to irony.
77 min “Julian Bradnt,” emails David Birl. “Only 20 - powered Leverkusen to the Champions League. Low did not take him but probably should have instead of Podolski. Similar talent to Draxler.”
Yeah, would’ve been nice to see Weigl today too. Only eight more required for a team of Julians. I’d naturalise the one from Famous Five.
77 min Low will bring on Klaus Augenthaler next.
76 min The testimonial feel intensifies when Schweinsteiger comes on for Khedira.
75 min “Maybe, slightly, disagree on that ‘most impressive’ thing,” tweets Hubert O’Hearn. “Slovakia are - to be kind - Team Scrub.”
Yes, that’s fair - or, at least, they’ve been thoroughly deconstructed today. But there haven’t been many of those in this competition, and as far as Germany go it doesn’t necessarily matter. They’re confident.
74 min Which probably tells you that things are slowing down.
73 min Does Jogi Low like David Bowie? That’d be a happy chance.
71 min Changes for Germany: Boateng off and Howedes on; Draxler off and Podolski on. Wow, Germany must really be sure this one’s won.
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69 min Perhaps Germany are “peaking at the right time”.After Croatia against Spain, Italy against Belgium and England against Russia, this is the most impressive performance of the competition so far.
67 min And Hummels welcomes him to the game with a cruncher - he flies in low, curls his body and feet around the ball, wins it cleanly, and is booked for his trouble. Durica slams the free-kick wide of the near post.
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64 min Slovakia make a change: Duris departs. Sestak arrives. That will sort it.
GOAL! Germany 3-0 Slovakia (Draxler 63)
Nothing more than his performance deserves. Kroos clips to the back post, Hummels is up, and his header finds Draxler alone and palely loitering about eight yards out. But there’s still plenty to do, so he does it, watching the ball over his shoulder before swivelling to control a powervolley into the roof of the net, close the top near-post corner. Beautifully done.
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62 min Kimmich humps down the line to Muller, and he falls into a cross that’s turned behind before Gomez can convert.
60 min Oh this is brilliant from Draxler! He pirouttes away from Durica, then between him and Gyomber, so Durica drags him down. No foul says the referee, for reasons known best to himself.
59 min Who are Martin Skrtel’s favourite band?
Prml Scrm.
57 min Germany aren’t quite at it now, and when Skriniak lumbers at the heart of their defence, Draxler, can’t resist tripping him. Another free-kick, this one left of centre - and only just - but slightly further out. Hamsik rolls it to Kuka, and he smelts it to alla schwarze yoren.
55 min Slovakia have been much better this half, but then Hrosovsky loses possession carelessly and with one measured, first-time pass, Hummels finds Draxler. He jinks down the side of Gyomber, but is crowded out thereafter.
54 min Hamsik goes over the far side of the wall, and the ball clips Hummels’ shoulder on its way over. The ref gives a goalkick, and there follows consternation.
53 min Lovely from Hrosovsky, who turns inside Kroos so is pulled down by Hector. Free-kick, 30 yards out, left of centre, and here comes Hamsik...
52 min Kuka lands a sair yin on Muller’s instep, and there’s a pause while he grimaces it off.
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51 min This game - and Germany’s last - have been lessons for Roy Hodgson: there’s a difference between having possession and using possession.
49 min Flying winger Muller, who’s been relatively quiet, comes in off his touchline and feeds Kroos. 30 yards out and dead centre, it looks open for him to hit one, but Skriniar flings himself into the block.
47 min Not often does one receive an email with “German hip-hop” in the subject box, but here’s Hauke Wemken:
“German players probably feel good, very good. (Which is basically the lyrics: I am fine. I am very very fine. I don’t wanna do anything else but this. In fact in best form...)
Hope for the players that it doesn’t end like in the video.”
46 min We see Hamsik! He runs at Kimmich, who introduces hand to ball and is booked.
46 min And off we go again. Best of luck, Slovakia.
Incidentally, Lee Dixon is incandescent at the defending which allowed Boateng so much time in lining up the opener. He’s right.
@DanielHarris I see your Slovakian hip hop and raise you German dancehall https://t.co/qCbpU6pTgi
— frank g. (@effgee) June 26, 2016
Half-time entertainment:
Half-time: Germany 2-0 Slovakia
Germany have been excellent, Slovakia have been forcibly abject. There is no way back, I’m afraid.
43 min “Two things,” stomps Matt Dony. “Firstly, as a centre-half who learnt much of the game playing with a bunch of older, very vocal cloggers, if you’re enjoying playing football, then someone is playing it wrong. Secondly, Ramsey was naturally fired up, but won loads of tackles, played some lovely passes, and for long spells ran the show against England. Him and JA7 are playing as if they’re offended at the suggestion that Wales are a one-man team.”
Can’t agree with that one. Wales created almost nothing and had almost nothing of the ball - Ramsey spent too long running round in a tantrum starting senseless rows. I found their whole approach to that game odd, making it personal with patter all the sillier when only Robson-Kanu and maybe the back-four turned up.
GOAL! Germany 2-0 Slovakia (Gomez, 43)
And what - what! - a goal this is! Hector clips down the line to Khedira, who finds Draxler. He rolls the ball across his body with his right studs, allows it under his left and leaves Kucka flummoxed, befuddled and stupefied. He then snaps a low cross to the near post, and Gomez gets his body shape perfect to turn in a much harder finish that was initially apparent. These last three minutes; that’s the game, right there.
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41 min And there it nearly is! Pekarik finds space down the right and flights a cross towards the back post, where Kucka is up epochs before Kimmich, heading powerfulyl towards the top corner. But Neuer is wise to the rude, springing over to palm over. The corner comes to nowt, but that’s a warning for Germany.
39 min Germany are humming now! Delicious, delectable skill from Ozil, admittedly alone 30 yards from goal before scooping a ball over the top for Draxler who chests, swivels, and shoots over the top. Quite simply, Germany are much, much too good for Slovakia, who haven’t mustered so much as a shot. And yet, it’s still 1-0, so you never know.
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37 min Just inside the box, Draxler glides inside Pekarik with an exaggerated flow, then diddles him by flipping the other way. But Skrtel is over sharply to block his shot.
35 min Kimmich hits the line and clips back a fine cross - Muller and Skrtel contest it, and both hit the deck thereafter, as you’d expect. Both are fine.
33 min This game does now look a fair bit like Slovakia-England game, with the obvious difference that Germany understand how to pull and pick apart a deep defence. Their full-backs are both playing well and using the ball well, but, more importantly, they have players able to beat men and who pass well enough to take risks. Imagine if they had Henderson and Lallana too!
32 min It’s funny how it goes. Germany looked so confident from the start today, for no reason other than playing ok against Northern Ireland. Perhaps the players prefer this formation and these personnel.
29 min Lovely from Draxler, skimming around Gyomber down the right and dribbling - not a word we get to use much anymore - along the by-line. His pull-back doesn’t work, but he looks in the mood.
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29 min I’m absolutely chalishing for a pint of Energy of Azerbaijan, now that you ask.
26 min “Was Ozil trying to Pirlo Kozacik?” asks Ken Babstock. “By which I mean, embarrass, humiliate, dominate, break the spine of? Was it attempt at a particular flavour of subliminal revenge after the friendly (and isn’t there a German word for that?) And isn’t it too early in the game? And why all the stick for Arsenal players? They’ve been wonderful! cf. Ramsay, Xhaka, Giroud, Koscielny, Ozil, Mertesack...Oh”
He wasn’t, but you’re a generous man. I thought Ramsey spent the England game running about trying to get into a ruck, and Xhaka missed that penalty yesterday.
24 min Lovely from Draxler down the left, hustling Gyomber by coming back onto his right foot and lifting a cross for Gomez. He doesn extremely well to knock it down into the path of Ozil, who drives just past the post.
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23 min Hummels is that rarity, a centre-back who opponents need to plan for as a playmaker, and he drills a lovely low pass inside Gyomber for Hector. The ensuing cross is kicked away, but a second goal is in the post.
21 min Perhaps Jogi Low has found his team, because Germany are all over Slovakia like a cheap rash. They force a corner down the right which isn’t cleared for sometime, and then the siege begins again.
20 min Weiss breaks forward down the left. Nothing comes of it because Duris is offside, but it’s a start.
19 min More email: “I think we play to enjoy the moment,” emails Hauke Wemken. “Of course the players play to win titles. But the motivation to play is enjoyment and the fact that you can’t be too sure who will win.”
Choking up here, but thorugh the tears, I think i’m inclined to agree.
17 min Germany look right into this - Slovakia can’t cope with their movement and pressing. This might be a hiding.
15 min “Granit yesterday and Ozil today,” emails JR in Illinois. “(Aside: why on earth is Ozil taking penalties for Germany?) Oh, Arsenal. Haw haw.”
Penalty missing is always funny, buy Xhaka’s yesterday was special, as though he was slamming it wide for a dare. Which is unsurprising, given his precocious bravery in demanding the he and not his older brother look after the family’s front door key.
Ozil misses the penalty!
Amazingly,an Arsenal player has faltered at a moment of high pressure! He takes the east option, curling it towards the bottom-right corner with his left foot, but not along the ground; it’s basically the easiest penalty out there with least margin for error in terms of connection and target. But Kozacik reads it, it’s not near the corner, it is a nice height for him, and he pushes away.
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PENALTY TO GERMANY!
Kimich crosses from the right, Skrtel shoves Gomes in the back before he can vault into an overhead kick, and earns himself a card too.
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12 min Slovakia have barely been in the Germany half so far, but Hamsik’s sprayed ball out wide to Kuka is a start. It comes to nothing, but it’s the thought that counts.
10 min Pep Guardiola has done a great job with Boateng - Hamsik goes down the right and he powers through the gears to ease into a tackle. Amazing what proper coaching can do.
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GOAL! Germany 1-0 Slovakia (Boateng, 8)
This is beautifully taken! Kroos swings one in from the left, Durica heads away, and just outside the box, Boateng stares the ball down all the way onto his laces, driving straight, low and hard between two defenders converging like the flippers on a pinball machine; it’s past Kozacik in a trice.
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7 min Germany win a free-kick down the right not far outside the box, and Kross whips it in dangerously - Hummels is up, and glances it just wide - with a deflection.
6 min Lovely from Germany, a long, low pass from Hummels seeking out Hector down the right. Immediately, he slides infield to Muller, and pursues the return, but can’t quite make anything of it.
5 min Slovakia are putting Germany under when they have the ball in their own half, which augurs well for us - we might see a fast, attacking game. Or we might not.
4 min “The beauty of football is that, because it’s a low-scoring game, the best team doesn’t always win,” emails Matt Dony. “A sustained league largely evens out fairly, but a knock-out tournament offers hope to underdogs. Say Germany are twice as likely to score as Slovakia; should the game end 1-0 (a common score line), there’s a 1 in 3 chance Slovakia scored the goal, and would win the match, sending out an objectively better team. Greece were not the ‘best’ team in 2004, but they were champions. And that’s fantastic. Wales are not the ‘best’ team this year, but...”
Yes, of course - I’m just wondering if we’re playing to discover the best.
3 min Draxler beats Kucka and finds Hector, but he can’t use the space.
2 min The pitch has been relaid since Ireland beat Italy, and doesn’t not look in the greatest nick. I’d expect plenty of divots - and lots of chunks of grass being hoofed out of it.
1 min There’s a countdown, but somehow the apocalypse doesn’t come and Germany kick-off.
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Enigma should remix Deutschland Uber Alles.
You’re not going to believe this, but Martin Skrtel has a singing voice like a lump of meat.
Here are the goals from the friendly between the sides four weeks ago.
The players are in the tunnel. There are many - bare - haircuts.
“Plenty of Welsh people are nostalgic about their 70s rugby, though it may be before their time,” tweets Gary Naylor. “But rightly so!”
Gareth Edwards was a very cool man.
Returning to the best in Europe point, if the team who wins the competition isn’t the continent’s best, are we playing purely for entertainment?
Can you be nostalgic about something you don’t remember?
Favourite German footballers and a European Championship hero: Gunther Netzer.
“Irrelevant,” tweets Mark Lovell. “Germany remain World Champions till 2018.”
Yes, but means they were the best side in the world in 2014, not that it sustains until the next tournament.
A significant joy of this tournament - save the enterprising football, of course - is that it’s impossible to even know who’s going to contest the last four, never mind win the thing. So, a question: is the winner the best side in Europe by definition, or simply the side that plays best for a couple of weeks?
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If you can even contemplate Julian Draxler without hankering after this, you’re less of a nerd than me.
Man’s search for meaning:
Kimmich, who was excellent, looks excellent and is excellent keeps his place; Gotze, finally, is relieved of his, and we get more time to watch the divinely mercurial Julian Draxler.
Slovakia, who rested players against the mighty England, restore Gyomber, Krosovsky and Skriniar, omiting Hubocan, Mak and Pecovsky.
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Our debtors
Germany (4-2-3-1): Neuer; Kimmich, Hummels, Boateng, Hector; Khedira, Kroos; Müller, Özil, Draxler; Gomez.
Slovakia (4-3-3): Kozacik; Pekarik, Skrtel, Durica, Gyomber; Hrosovsky, Skriniar, Hamsik; Kucka, Duris, Weiss.
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Preamble
There’s not much we can rely on these days - the world is in flux. Leicester won the Premier League, England have a good cricket team, and a Freddo costs 25p. It’s a mess.
Still, at least we’ve got the German football team ... except we don’t. Obviously they’re still pretty handy, but beyond that, it’s never certain quite what they’ll do. They might play a striker, they might not, they might be intense, they might not, they might look scary, they might not.
And they’ve not looked up to much this tournament, struggling to put away Ukraine and close to defeat against Poland, before rustling up a 1-0 win over a Northern Ireland side desperate to lose 1-0. That would be one way of looking at it.
Presumably, the truth is in between, because that’s where the truth always resides - just ask Carl Williams or Brandon Vera. But at the same time, there’s no especial reason to think that they might win this competition, just as there’s no especial reason to think that they won’t. There is nothing about them that is ominous.
Yet, we fully expect them to beat Slovakia this afternoon, who felt themselves unable to cope even with England’s ponderous attack. It seems inconceivable that a similar strategy will deny Germany, or that they’ll try it. They beat them earlier four weeks ago, will restore a few players who were rested last week, and in Marek Hamsik, they at least have a player capable of gumptious transcendence. If he has a good day, then this will be an interesting afternoon; if not, then we’re right there for more eye-soiling attrition. Either way it’s going to be comforting.
Kick-off: 5pm BST
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