Final scores
All five matches have ended. The scores are below, and I’m off to watch the darts on delay. Sssshhh. Thanks for your company, goodnight!
Group C
Germany 3-0 Czech Republic
Northern Ireland 4-0 San Marino
Group E
Poland 3-2 Denmark
Group F
Scotland 1-1 Lithuania
Slovenia 1-0 Slovakia
Full time: Scotland 1-1 Lithuania
That’s it. A very frustrating night for Scotland, though it could have been worse.
How did that stay out! A Scotland corner was headed across the box and looped towards his own goal by a Lithuania defender, and it was brilliantly cleared off the line.
Full time: Northern Ireland 4-0 San Marino
Kyle Lafferty gets his second in injury time to give Northern Ireland an emphatic win.
There will be five minutes of added time at Hampden. Scotland push forward to such an extent that Lithuania have a three-on-one break, but the ball in from the left is dreadful and Scotland escape.
GOAL! Scotland 1-1 Lithuania (McArthur 89)
James McArthur equalises with his shoulder! Hanley flicked on a long throw and McArthur put it in at the far post. He went with his head, mistimed it and shouldered it past the keeper. Who cares how he scored it.
Updated
There should be a couple of days of added time, such has been the Lithuanian timewasting since they scored, but I wouldn’t get your hopes up.
Why can’t Scotland enter the Kirin Cup again?
Updated
GOAL! Northern Ireland 3-0 San Marino (Ward 86)
Jamie Ward completes a comfortable night for Northern Ireland, arriving late beyond the far post to finish emphatically after Lafferty had headed Ferguson’s ball across the box.
Lithuania’s playacting in the last 15 minutes has been both pathetic and comically brazen. It’s like the set of Reservoir Dogs.
Lithuania are wasting time at every opportunity, which has darkened the already pitch-black mood at Hampden.
GOAL! Northern Ireland 2-0 San Marino (Lafferty 79)
Kyle Lafferty secures the win for Northern Ireland.
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Words are so 2015
📸 🇩🇪 3-0 🇨🇿
— FIFA World Cup (@FIFAWorldCup) October 8, 2016
Muller: ⚽️⚽️
Kroos: ⚽️
💪 pic.twitter.com/pur5Zd7Jw6
A great chance for Griffiths! Snodgrass picked him out with a gorgeous left-wing cross, and Griffiths headed too close to the keeper from 10 yards.
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GOAL! Slovenia 1-0 Slovakia (Kronaveter 74)
Slovenia, who play England in the week, have taken the lead against Slovakia. Rok Kronaveter, who has only just come off the bench, scores with a brilliant first-time finish from 20 yards.
GOAL! Poland 3-2 Denmark (Poulsen 69)
Denmark, who were 3-0 down, have pulled it back to 3-2. Yussuf Poulsen was the scorer, smuggling the ball in from close range.
That was almost a second for Lithuania. Cernych again broke behind the defence, and as the ball bounced up he leathered it just wide of goal.
Lithuania are camped in their own third of the pitch now. From Bannan’s corner, Paterson’s header hits the arm of Vaitkunas, though he knew nothing about it.
Scotland have had a few near misses and don’t deserve to be behind, but they are and this would be a desperate result. Gordon Strachan is about to make his last substitution: Leigh Griffiths on for Matt Ritchie.
“Can you give Begbie a call please?” says Simon McMahon. “No, really.”
GOAL! Germany 3-0 Czech Republic (Muller 65)
The world champions are cruising to victory. Ozil releases Hector, whose fast low cross is turned in at the near post by the alert Muller.
Updated
With half an hour remaining, these are the latest scores.
Group C
Germany 2-0 Czech Republic
Northern Ireland 1-0 San Marino
Group E
Poland 3-1 Denmark
Group F
Scotland 0-1 Lithuania
Slovenia 0-0 Slovakia
What a chance for Scotland! The superb Robertson breaks down the left again. His cross is palmed clear to Forrest, whose vicious half-volley flies fractionally wide of the far post. He probably should have scored.
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Oh, Scotland (reprise)
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GOAL! Scotland 0-1 Lithuania (Cernych 59)
This is a fantastic goal. Cernych plays a lovely one-two with Slivka, spinning in behind to receive the return pass before whistling a shot past Marshall at the near post.
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Another Scotland change, with James Forrest replacing Oliver Burke.
GOAL! Poland 3-1 Denmark (Glik own goal 49)
Kamil Glik gives Denmark a bit of hope with a slapstick own goal, looping a perfectly placed header over Fabianski and into his own net.
Scotland come close again, with Chris Martin flashing a fine header this far wide of the far post.
GOAL! Germany 2-0 Czech Republic (Kroos 49)
This is a nice goal from Toni Kroos, a first-time sidefoot right into the corner from the edge of the area. That was a pass, not a shot.
Updated
GOAL! Poland 3-0 Denmark (Lewandowski hat-trick)
Robert Lewandowski bulldozes forward from the halfway line before clipping a shot in off the near post to complete yet another hat-trick.
“I think installing Begbie as Scotland manager might be something of a backward step,” says Ian Copestale. “I mean, imagine the team-bonding exercises.”
You’d also have to add ‘flick-knife wound’ to the glossary of football injuries.
A lovely move from Scotland ends with Snodgrass’s first-time shot being headed away by Girdvainis. Hard to know whether the keeper had it covered or not.
Lithuania almost take the lead. David Marshall gets down sharply to his left to make an excellent save from Novikovas.
“My feeling is Schmeichel’s complaint was about the start-stop way Lewandowski approached the ball,” says Mateusz Bobrowicz. “I’m watching the game in a Greek bar in Crete with no commentary so I have no one to tell me what to think. Much like Ben Kenobi to the rebellion, you are my only hope. Was it an infringement or not?”
I’d need to see it again but I think it was during the run-up and therefore okay.
Time for some more football. Scotland have made a half-time substitution, with James McArthur replacing Darren Fletcher.
“The Baggie boys in central defence are dominating those primadonnas from San Marino,” says JR. “Those guys think they’re so great just because they have full time jobs. They’re all just headphones.”
That’s my new favourite term of abuse. I couldn’t care less what you think, mate. You’re nothing. You’re headphones.
Half-time reading
Peep peep! That’s the end of a disappointing half for Scotland, who rather scandalously are booed off by some supporters. These are the half-time scores in the five Uefa qualifiers:
Group C
Germany 1-0 Czech Republic
Northern Ireland 1-0 San Marino
Group E
Poland 2-0 Denmark
Group F
Scotland 0-0 Lithuania
Slovenia 0-0 Slovakia
It could be worse for Scotland. Lithuania could easily have had a penalty a moment ago for a clumsy tackle by Bannan on Cernych.
“I’d happily have Begbie as Scotland manager,” says Simon McMahon. “‘Nae **** leaves this dressing room until we’ve qualified fir the next ****** World Cup.’”
Updated
GOAL! Poland 2-0 Denmark (Lewandowski 36 pen)
Lewandowski is Danish kryptonite: he scores his second from the penalty spot, sending Schmeichel the wrong way. Schmeichel charges from his goal to complain about something, encroachment perhaps, and is booked.
Updated
Burke has come to life with a couple of explosive runs in the last few minutes, one of which ended with a penalty appeal that was rightly turned down.
There’s a very nervous atmosphere at Hampden. Scotland have at least managed to silence the home crowd. Oh.
“No doubt the Ballon d’Or select of 2026 will isolate themselves from society by actually living in glass sealed bubbles, which they will only exit two seconds before kick off,” says Jack McCullough, envisioning future football nadirs. “Also their transparent football slippers, velvet interchangeable hair pieces and their constant appearance in hovercraft advertisements won’t endear them to the public.”
Snodgrass is starting to influence the game in his new No10 role. He is such a classy player.
GOAL! Northern Ireland 1-0 San Marino (Davis 26 pen)
Northern Ireland, attempting to reach the World Cup for the first time since 1986, have finally taken the lead against San Marino through Steven Davis’s penalty.
Updated
Snodgrass’s lovely cross-pass is volleyed not far wide by Martin, who did well to get a shot away while a Lithuanian defender was practising various wrestling manoeuvres on him
GOAL! Poland 1-0 Denmark (Lewandowski 20)
Poland are ahead against Denmark. Robert Lewandowski sidefooted through Kasper Schmeichel from close range after superb wing play by the talented Kamil Grosicki.
Updated
This is going to be a nervy night for Scotland. Lithuania look vaguely competent on the counter-attack, although Scotland have come closest to scoring with Paterson’s header.
TOR! Germany 1-0 Czech Republic (Muller 13)
The first goal of the night has been scored, unsurprisingly, by Germany, and even less surprisingly by Thomas Muller.
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Callum Paterson heads just wide from a long free-kick. Just before that, Vaitkunas was booked for a cynical block-cum-elbow on Robertson.
“You do know that Charles Jahja Surja works for the Telegraph?” says Ian Copestake. I bet he doesn’t have to do two clockwatches in three days, does he.
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Lithuania are having a decent spell, to the audible dissatisfaction of the crowd. I’d love to hear Francis Begbie’s thoughts on the Scotland team’s attempt to qualify for the World Cup since 1998.
“Good day,” writes Charles Jahja Surja. “I am writing you this letter because I do have a legitimate business proposal which I would like to bring to your personal edification and I would be most grateful if you can send me a reply immediately showing your interest in my proposal.”
Gordon Strachan, while naming an unchanged side, has switched Robert Snodgrass and Oliver Burke, so Burke is playing on the right and Snodgrass is behind Chris Martin.
After seven minutes, there are no goals in any of the five matches. Which, while making my job an easy one, is not exactly conducive to prose-based entertainment.
“Hawrite Rob!” says Ryan Dunne. “Strachan’s condemnation of tattoos and headphones is arrant nonsense; presumably Messi and Ronaldo would need to buck their ideas up to make a Wee Gordy XI. David Beckham’s work ethic and professionalism surely put many a Brut-wearing, short-back-and-sides, tattoo-shunning Proper Football Man to shame.”
Scotland have an early free-kick in a dangerous position on the left. Ritchie’s deep free-kick is headed wide by Hanley.
Peep peep! The five matches are under way. Let’s watch some clocks!
“This is Scotland’s time,” announces Simon McMahon. “I mean, look at our group. If we can’t qualify from that, we might as well give up. Or hope that Fifa press ahead with a 211-team tournament.”
Essential pre-match listening
An email! “Gordon Strachan is seriously limiting his choices not liking players with tattoos or who wear headphones!” says Brian McAllister. Maybe he needs to be more tolerant and remember the daft footballler’s mullet he had in the early eighties.”
This makes you wonder: as every generation is hard-wired to unapologetically despise the generation after them, what did older people find offensive about 1980s footballers? And what will a 50-year-old Aaron Ramsey/Mario Balotelli/Wayne Rooney find distasteful about the footballers of the 2030s? After flourescent boots, briefing and #hashtags, surely football is all nadired out.
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If you are into Scottish football, present and past, you should read this and watch this. Both are superb.
Slovenia v Slovakia team news
Slovenia (4-1-3-2) Oblak; Struna, Samardzic, Cesar, Jokic; Krhin; Kurtic, Birsa, Verbic; Ilicic, Bezjak.
Slovakia (3-3-2-2) Kozacik; Hubocan, Salata, Durica; Pauschek, Hrosovsky, Svento; Kucka, Gregus; Mak, Hamsik.
Northern Ireland v San Marino team news
Northern Ireland (4-2-3-1) McGovern; McLaughlin, Evans, McAuley, Ferguson; Davis, Norwood; McGinn, Ward, Dallas; Magennis.
San Marino (5-4-1) A Simoncini; Berardi, F Vitaioli, D Simoncini, Della Valle, Palazzi; Hirsch, Tosi, Coppini, M Vitaioli; Stefanelli.
Germany v Czech Republic team news
Germany (4-2-3-1) Neuer; Kimmich, Boateng, Hummels, Hector; Khedira, Kroos; Muller, Ozil, Draxler; Gotze.
Czech Republic (4-4-2) Vaclik; Kaderabek, Sivok, Suchy, Novak; Petrzela, Horava, Pavelka, Krejci; Dockal, Vydra.
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Poland v Denmark team news
Poland (4-4-2) Fabianski; Piszczek, Glik, Cionek, Jedrzejczyk; Blaszczykowski, Krychowiak, Zielinski, Grosicki; Lewandowski, Milik.
Denmark (3-4-1-2) Schmeichel; Kjaer, Christensen, Vestergaard; Ankersen, Kvist, Hojbjerg, Durmisi; Eriksen; Fischer, Jorgensen.
Scotland v Lithuania team news
Scotland (4-4-2) Marshall; Paterson, Martin, Hanley, Robertson; Snodgrass, Fletcher, Bannan, Ritchie; Burke, Martin.
Lithuania (4-4-2) Setkus; Vaitkunas, Freidgeimas, Girdvainis, Slavickas; Cernych, Zulpa, Kuklys, Novikovas; Valskis, Slivka.
The four early games have just finished. England were comfortable winners over Malta, a match you can revisit with John Ashdown’s MBM report.
Azerbaijan 1-0 Norway
England 2-0 Malta (Sturridge, Alli)
Montenegro 5-0 Kazakhstan
Armenia 0-5 Romania
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Preamble
Hello and welcome to Season 18, Episode 2 of sport’s most bittersweet love story: Scotland and the World Cup. After a series of heartbreaking and sometimes absurd first-round eliminations between 1974 and 1998, they have failed to qualify for the last four tournaments. They continue to show up with love in their heart and puppy-dog enthusiasm on their coupon, however, and they started this campaign by thrashing Malta 5-1, a match in which Robert Snodgrass may have scored one of the goals of the season.
If Scotland are to qualify for at least the play-offs, they probably have no margin for error in matches against the smaller sides. They host Lithuania tonight, one of five fixtures which kick off at 7.45pm BST:
Group C
Germany v Czech Republic
Northern Ireland v San Marino
Group E
Poland v Denmark
Group F
Scotland v Lithuania
Slovenia v Slovakia
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Hello. Rob will be here shortly. While you’re waiting, why not take in Nick Ames’ excellent interview with Scotland’s Oliver Burke?
When England came calling, there was only one thing Oliver Burke could say. He was preparing to make his debut for Scotland and it was the first he had been told of any interest from the Football Association when he heard, at second hand, there were two nations courting his allegiance.
England’s curiosity was valid – Burke was born in Kirkcaldy but moved to Melton Mowbray with his English mother as an infant – but the horse had bolted and within days he would be appearing for Gordon Strachan’s side towards the end of a 1-0 win over Denmark.
“There was nothing direct but I did hear when I was away with the senior squad for the first time that they didn’t want me to play for Scotland,” Burke says. “I was like: ‘No way!’ I can’t change – who does that? I love playing for Scotland; it’s my country, it’s where I was born, and every time I wear the badge it’s a dream come true – goosebumps. They did try a little cheeky one but it was never going to happen.”
