Name: Denglish.
AKA: Germlish, Angleutsch.
Appearance: English, surrounded by German.
Something to do with Dunkirk? No, something to do with foreign languages.
Ooh, I just felt a little part of my brain die. It's about the increasing use of English words by German speakers.
In that case, tell me more. Some fear it will ultimately lead to a kind of hybrid German-English.
Fine with me. I'm for the advancement of English everywhere. Hail to thee, my all-conquering mother tongue! Well, the Germans aren't so happy, at least not officially.
And what do they think they're going to do about it? The German rail operator Deutsche Bahn has just issued its employees with a glossary of 2,200 Denglish words and their German translations, as part of a policy to encourage use of the latter.
What sort of thing are we talking about? Examples of Denglish words include alcopop, outsourcing, lifestyle, in-house, download, lobbyist, terminal, brainstorming and wellness.
They've chosen all the worst ones! There are worse still. The Germans are particularly fond of pseudo-anglicisms of their own devising: "handy" for mobile phone; "sprayer" for graffiti artist; "peeling" for body scrub; "showmaster" for TV show host.
Is this a new thing? The borrowing certainly isn't. Germans have been pinching English words and phrases since the Allied occupation – jeep, rock, quiz – especially where no ready German synonyms existed. Before the second world war, such borrowings were usually translated literally, eg Wolkenkratzer for "skyscraper".
But the backlash is new? Newish. Back in 2009, Germany's transport minister launched a campaign to rid his department of Anglicisms such as "deadline" and "meeting".
I don't really see the problem, but then I would say that. Neither do younger Germans, most of whom have a grasp of English, or at least Denglish. It's the older generation that is left feeling alienated and excluded by the use of foreign words in advertising and politics.
Do say: "Borrowing can enliven and enrich any language, but the word 'wellness' demeans us all."
Don't say: "I can't help it – the Denglish invasion fills me with good old English schadenfreude."
