Well Oik-wise it is getting *quite* awkward? As in, even though he reached his target weight so he should now totally be on the maintenance programme he is still in uber-strict 5:2 mode & snapchatting thigh-gap selfies & going how do you think my hair would look dip-dyed & sharing Krispy Kreme snaps on Instagram with captions saying I ate ten #nomnom, even though everybody KNOWS Oik only eats celery nowadays #whyheisalwaysangry. Dave’s like, I swear it is like working with someone from Victoria’s Secret except *coughs* I understand they use less makeup & hair product & do not go swanking about in hi-vis jackets making everybody hate us?
I’m like, well, tbh, no offence babes, everybody hates you already? Dave’s like, but in a respectful way, yeah, that’s what Lynton says, as in compromise not chaos is our new slogan, unless it is compost, or competence, whatever, what do you think? I’m like *literacy face* are you sure that it is not pronounced kayoss? Dave’s like, no, I checked with Govey, he was like, no it is definitely chay as in Blyth, I’m like fine, good old Govey, thank goodness he does not bear a grudge, right? Dave’s like, no, good old Govey, I do not know what I would do without him, he is so patient with poor little Nicky, you know she never stops badgering him #totallyoutofherdepth. I’m like oh bless him, Dave’s like, yes, plus he is so loyal, you know he has told all the backbenchers to play Candy Crush to keep them out of trouble until May, from the front they will just look as if they are concentrating #asif.
So I was just going dear Goveys, we must ask them over, when Govey knocked, he was like, forgive the presumption of a humble chief whip, but it would give Sarah and me such pleasure if you would accept these seasonal jumpers with our compliments? I’m like *dying inside* oh how SWEET, he’s like, the flashing reindeer one is for you Samantha, and the snowman is for for Dave, oh do put them on. I’m like, as in NOW? Dave’s like, come on Samantha, how can we refuse the man who designed our genius Christmas card :(((
