I wake at 2am to a call from my BFF. “He’s in the kitchen now... with strangers,” she whispers. She tells me that earlier the police had phoned, looking for him (her new flatmate), saying he needs to report to a police station immediately. “He’s coming upstairs,” she says. “I’d better go and speak to him.”
As I lie in the dark, panic begins to set in. What do we really know about this man? If only I had some advice. I reach for my phone: “Siri, what to do if your flatmate is secretly a criminal?”
Siri replies: “OK, I found this on the web for Michael Jackson’s Smooth Criminal.”
By now I’m up and pacing around, my mind tripping over possibilities. A drug lord, I conclude. He seemed like a normal bartender, sharing a post-shift nightcap on the patio with colleagues, but maybe that’s an act. “Do you have a panic room?” I text.
“You are very weird,” she replies.
But in the realm of living with strangers, maybe a panic room isn’t such a bad idea. Like this four-bed luxury country house complete with 2.75 acres. Valued upwards of £625,000, it’s no wonder it includes hefty security: electric gates, camera doorbell and a “strong room”: perfect for protecting your most valued possessions and people, should your mind get carried away over an everyday call regarding an unpaid speeding ticket. Maybe I should cut back on the TV crime dramas.
