New year, new relationship trend. As we move from an era of traditional relationships to a world of limitless dating possibilities, so too do new terms crop up.
The latest one to hit our news feeds? Relationship anarchy. A new report by dating app Feeld and sex educator Ruby Rare on the state of dating today has revealed that one in five people are already practicing it, without realising what it is.
It’s been embraced by Kesha, and is on the rise in the general population: where’s what to know.
Relationship anarchy: a speed guide
Relationship anarchy is an offshoot of ENM, or ethical non-monogamy, where consenting partners in a relationship have multiple other romantic and sexual relationships.
According to Feeld, the term was coined by Andie Nordgren, a writer and activist, around 2006.
It’s a concept that follows, according to Rare, “politically anarchic principles of anti-capitalism and anti-hierarchy.”
“The key concept is that no relationship should be bound by any rules not entirely agreed upon by the involved parties,” she writes. “RAs regard all of their personal relationships ‘as equally important, unique, fulfilling different needs or desires in their life, and as possessing similar or identical potential for emotional/physical/mental intimacy, love, and satisfaction’.”
Though that might sound like a recipe for chaos, it’s quite the opposite; according to Rare, people who practice RA prioritise community, mutual care and cultivate many important, meaningful relationships, “not just those centered around romance or sex.” This involves a lot of managing boundaries, open communication, transparency and honesty, the report adds - as well as an awareness that “loving multiple people at once – and fully – is not only possible, but we are likely already doing this in joyful and enriching ways.”
It’s also a term that has taken off as traditional relationship structures have started to crumble. Feeld’s first State of Dating report revealed that, while monogamy remained a popular fantasy for Gen Z, it was balanced by a growing awareness of sexuality, kink and gender identity – proving, in turn, that younger generations are “increasingly engaging with non-traditional ways of relating and being.”
Who practices it?
It tends to be more popular amongst the younger generations – Gen Z and younger millennials – as well as LGBTQIA+ individuals and (of course) people who use Feeld.
It also has surprising emotional benefits. Studies have found that people who practice RA experience less loneliness and more freedom, as well as deeper emotional connections with others.
Given that Gen Z is often touted as the loneliest generation in an already lonely era – recent surveys show that 73 per cent of them feel alone and disconnected – RA could offer a solution to this. In fact, surveys found that people who did practice RA felt more connected and less lonely.
However, it could already be a lot more widespread than people think, perhaps due to the popularity of its predecessor, ENM. One in five people surveyed in the US and Canada had experience with non-monogamy; in the UK, a third of heterosexual men and 11 per cent of women were open to having more than one long-term partner.
Plus, a survey of non-Feeld members found that one in five of them realised that they had practiced a relationship style that corresponded with RA – while one in two Feeld members went onto practice it after learning what it was.
Time for a relationship anarchy summer?
