She pays the bills. Her 19-year-old sleeps in, hangs with friends, and shrugs at responsibilities. And now she's wondering out loud: "Have we swung too far the other way?"
In a post shared in the r/GenX subreddit, the mother describes a growing disconnect between what she expected at that age — and what her child delivers. "Am I unreasonable to expect some kind of contribution to the home?" she asked. "I haven't asked for board. I don't expect rent. I would like some kind of effort towards maintaining our home's cleanliness or a meal cooked once a week or ANYTHING which might make my life a little easier." Instead, she says, she's met with "rolled eyes and outrage and silent treatment."
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For her, the frustration runs deeper than dirty dishes. "At the same age I was living alone and fully responsible for myself," she wrote, pointing to the contrast between her experience and her child's.
The difference isn't just personal — it's generational. For many Gen Xers who came of age in the 1980s and early 1990s, moving out at 18 wasn't just common, it was expected.
That's the dilemma she's grappling with — and one echoed by many who weighed in. While there was some sympathy for the realities of modern living costs, most responses circled back to one core idea: independence starts at home.
"You get what you allow," one commenter said simply.
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Another wrote, "Helping out around the house is free. There is zero excuse not to contribute."
Some pointed to long-standing cultural expectations within multigenerational households. "It is NOT ok to treat said home like a hotel," one user wrote. "Each person is expected to contribute to the upkeep of the house and shop for groceries to replace things that are consumed."
Others emphasized the importance of clarity: "Tell them what your expectations are," one suggested, while another advised drafting a list of non-negotiables — chores, meals, shared responsibilities — and treating it like a "pseudo-lease."
Still, not everyone blamed the teen. One commenter asked pointedly, "Have you not been having them do any chores or have any responsibilities over the last several years? Why do you think they'd all of a sudden start helping out now?"
That sentiment was echoed by another user who wrote, "There is no ‘we' or generational issue here. This is a communication issue between you and your child."
The general consensus? The issue isn't just about age — it's about boundaries. And while moving out may not be financially feasible for every 19-year-old today, contributing at home isn't optional.
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As one parent put it, "Your job as a parent is to prepare your child for adulthood. Not requiring them to help out is actually, for lack of a better word, a failure." In other words, it may not be time to kick them out — but it might be time to draw the line.
While it may feel like everyone moved out at 18 back in the day, the numbers tell a different story. According to Pew Research, about 53% of 18- to 24-year-olds lived with a parent in 1993 — only slightly lower than today's figure of 57%. The perception of independence may have been stronger, but the reality wasn't drastically different.
Still, today's economic backdrop is harder to ignore. Rents are higher, starter salaries haven't kept pace with inflation, and even part-time jobs don't stretch as far. That said, some young adults do manage to juggle school, work, and home responsibilities — and that contrast is what stings for this mom.
She isn't demanding rent or a full-time job. What she wants is partnership — a gesture of maturity, a signal that her 19-year-old sees the household as something shared. The question isn't whether they live at home. It's whether they're showing up like they belong there.
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