Garry Cook

"Garry Cook turns his attention to defenders with 'lasers' after his one hundred miiiiillllliiiiion dollar bid for Kaka is turned down," honks David Ellis Photograph: n/a

"Garry Cook defended his comments as being lost in translation. 'All I said was if Kaka were to bless the natural spring that runs under the east stand we'd be interested in bottling it'," chuckles Phil Willis Photograph: n/a

Stuart Goodacre gets an inside view of Cook's negotiating technique Photograph: n/a

"It was beginning to turn into a nightmare episode of Deal or No Deal," parps John Barry Photograph: n/a

"Garry explains his 'hardball' approach to transfer discussions," chuckles Malcolm Jones Photograph: n/a

"I'm sure Garry Cook was manager of the Air Jordan brand," muses Thomas Nycz-Losi. "But I have a suspicion it was probably at his local Nike Town" Photograph: n/a

Neil Pollock has a novel idea - a Garry Cook entry without any Garry Cook. Yet somehow it still works. "Garry Cook wasn't very happy over the Kaka transfer saga, in fact he couldn't believe when Milan bottled it" Photograph: n/a

"Garry Cook's failure to tie up the Kaka deal proved too much for the angry Sheikh," titters William Wilson Photograph: n/a

John Barry's second effort would be even better if Mark Hughes was actually called Thomas Cook. But he's not Photograph: n/a

City's executive chairman becomes a sort of giant cow with twisted legs, saying things that don't make much sense. It seems fair to describe this as a fairly abstract effort from Kevin McAleer Photograph: n/a

It's hard to know who should be more offended by Richard Gilman's effort - Sparky and Cooky or Harry and Lloyd Photograph: n/a