Gabriel Heinze

Escaping Old Trafford was just the beginning for Wentworth Heinze in John Leonard's effort. Photograph: Public domain

Roy Ward's gone all Salvador Dali on us: "Gabby had big ideas about himself, but the reality was more surreal than he could ever have imagined." Photograph: Public domain

"After a torrid few months, Gabby finally gets his spirits up enough to crack a joke," honks Gareth Sweet, who might want to consider upgrading his photo editing software. Photograph: Public domain

"Heinze as Tarzan," explains Adam Roylance, who might want to do a little work on his captions. Photograph: Public domain

Oliver Daly has Sir Winston Ferguson in belligerent mood. "Heinze knows that he will have to break us in this arbitration or lose the transfer. If we can stand up to him, all Europe may be free and life of the world may move forward into broad, sunlit uplands. Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that, if Manchester United and the Premier League lasts for a thousand years, men will still say: 'This was their finest arbitration panel!'" Photograph: Public domain

"A quick trip down to the supermarket reveals why savvy Premier League managers are sticking with the Tesco Value range," guffaws Martin Nicholson. Photograph: Public domain

Dinesh Vijayan's effort is sure to haunt your sleep for week's to come. "Fergie looked pleased to see the back of Gabby." Photograph: Public domain

"Heinze’s summer was a rollercoaster ride after he attempted to 'sledgehammer' his Man Utd contract," says Blake Gladman. Would that be Peter Gabriel Heinze by any chance Blake? Photograph: Public domain

“Fergie was never going to let Benitez 'Russell’ one of his players away," chortles Ciaran Neeson. Photograph: Public domain

Lawrence has stumbled across Real Madrid's secret weabpon. Photograph: Public domain

And John Barry brings proceedings to a close with just the second baked beans gag of the day. "Fergie felt that that Heinze was being mean over the whole transfer saga." Photograph: Public domain