From vaginal eggs to sexy handmaids: Jo Brand’s feminist quiz of the year

Composite: Prada/AP/Getty

Hello, I’m Jo Brand and I have been a feminist since 1847, when we were the property of men. Now, hopefully, we are marching towards a world in which we are not unequal in any sphere and can do exactly what we want without someone commenting that it is unladylike. The future is bright, not pink. Use this quiz to while away a few idle moments as a man in your family drones on about Brexit.

1. 

   Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle website, Goop, which I have never visited as I fear it might make my head explode, agreed to a $145,000 settlement after it was accused of making unfounded claims about which product?

   1. Vaginal eggs

   2. Psychic vampire repellant

   3. Raw camel milk

   4. Fur oil for pubic hair

2. 

   Jacinda Ardern, New Zealand’s prime minister, made history when she became the first female world leader at the United Nations general assembly meeting to do what?

   1. Give birth

   2. Bring a baby

   3. Smile while being patronised by a male politician

   4. Persuade the US to ratify the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child

3. 

   What did McDonald’s do in honour of International Women’s Day?

   1. Implement a living wage and maternity leave

   2. Flip its arches to a W

   3. Rename itself McDonna’s

   4. Make french fries a feminist issue

4. Serena Williams’ outfit at the French Open caused outrage among French Tennis Federation officials, who announced: “You have to respect the game and the place.” What was she wearing?

   1. Donald Trump fancy dress

   2. A burkini

   3. A black bodysuit

   4. Leather chaps

5. 

   Indra Nooyi, the CEO of PepsiCo, said the company was considering launching a female-friendly brand of Doritos. Which of the following is NOT a rationale she gave for why regular Doritos aren’t appropriate for women?

   1. Women don’t like to crunch too loudly in public

   2. Women don’t lick their fingers generously

   3. Women don’t like to pour the little broken pieces into their mouths

   4. Women don’t like the colour orange

6. Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, flexing her feminist credentials nearly broke the internet when she did what?

   1. Closed her car door all by herself

   2. Fixed a flat tyre

   3. Flashed her pants while attempting an elegant exit

   4. Got cheaper car insurance

7. 

   Prada’s 2018 spring collection featured a cotton T-shirt with Angela Davis’s face on it. What price tag did it slap on this homage to the anti-capitalist feminist?

   1. $50

   2. $150

   3. $500

   4. $5000

8. Which member of the Kardashian-Jenner clan did Forbes estimate was on track to become the world’s youngest “self-made” billionaire?

   1. Kylie

   2. Kim

   3. Khloé

   4. Khrist’s sake, who cares?

9. 

   Which of the following women was NOT accused of being a bad feminist this year?

   1. Germaine Greer

   2. Margaret Atwood

   3. Catherine Deneuve

   4. Victoria Beckham

10. Which of these Halloween costumes was pulled from sale after a public outcry?

    1. Sexy Raccoon

    2. Sexy Theresa May

    3. Sexy Dorito

    4. Sexy Handmaid

11. 

    Alastair Campbell’s daughter, Grace, called into LBC to grill her dad on feminism this summer. What did she accuse him of calling women?

    1. Blairs

    2. Birds

    3. Bards

    4. Crumpet

12. According to the animal rights organisation Peta, you are not a true feminist if you do which of the following?

    1. Eat eggs

    2. Beat eggs

    3. Lay eggs

    4. Throw eggs

13. 

    In her tell-all book on Donald Trump, Full Disclosure, how did Stormy Daniels describe the US president’s penis?

    1. Like Blanka in Street Fighter

    2. Like the mushroom character, Toad, in Mario Kart

    3. Like the ghost in Pac-Man

    4. Like Bill Sikes in Oliver Twist

14. When Jennifer Lawrence posed at a photo-call for the film Red Sparrow, her dress sparked a debate about feminism. Why?

    1. She looked cold

    2. She looked old

    3. She looked sad

    4. She looked bad

Solutions

1:A - Goop claimed that inserting the eggs into the vagina helps to “cultivate sexual energy, clear chi pathways in the body, intensify femininity and invigorate our life force”, 2:B - Ardern appeared with her three-month-old daughter, Neve Te Aroha, at the UN in September, 3:B - McDonald’s global chief diversity officer, Wendy Lewis, said the stunt was “in honour of the extraordinary accomplishments of women everywhere, and especially in our restaurants”, 4:C - The French Tennis Federation president, Bernard Giudicelli, said Williams’ catsuit went “too far”, 5:D - Obviously, 6:A - “A princess who still takes the time to shut her car door. Well done Meghan,” tweeted the Sun’s royal correspondent, Emily Andrews, 7:C - Bargain, 8:A - Also d), 9:D - That we know of. Although she was accused of being a bad Spice Girl for refusing to join their reunion tour, 10:D - The online store made the decision to pull the costume following a widespread outcry on social media, 11:B - Grace told her father that he needed to “unpick” certain behaviours in order to “truly be a feminist”. She said: “Birds are birds, they fly, women can’t fly”, 12:A - Peta encouraged “everyone to stand up to the systematic abuse of females of all species”, 13:B - She also mentioned “Yeti pubes”, 14:A - People held up a photo of Lawrence in an evening gown next to her male co-stars wrapped up warm in their coats as evidence of the double standards for men and women

Scores

1. 14 and above.

   A perfect score! Muy bueno. Très bien. Very good. This is what the suffragettes sacrificed themselves for

2. 13 and above.

   Nearly a perfect score! Let this near-miss haunt you for ever.

3. 12 and above.

   Nearly a perfect score! Let this near-miss haunt you for ever.

4. 11 and above.

   Nearly a perfect score! Let this near-miss haunt you for ever.

5. 10 and above.

   Nearly a perfect score! Let this near-miss haunt you for ever.

6. 9 and above.

   Nearly a perfect score! Let this near-miss haunt you for ever.

7. 8 and above.

   You did OK. When it comes to feminist quizzes, it is clear you are not a girl, not yet a woman … you’re a goman!

8. 7 and above.

   You did OK. When it comes to feminist quizzes, it is clear you are not a girl, not yet a woman … you’re a goman!

9. 6 and above.

   You did OK. When it comes to feminist quizzes, it is clear you are not a girl, not yet a woman … you’re a goman!

10. 5 and above.

    You did OK. When it comes to feminist quizzes, it is clear you are not a girl, not yet a woman … you’re a goman!

11. 4 and above.

    Well, that’s an F for failure for you.

12. 3 and above.

    Well, that’s an F for failure for you.

13. 2 and above.

    Well, that’s an F for failure for you.

14. 0 and above.

    Well, that’s an F for failure for you.

15. 1 and above.

    Well, that’s an F for failure for you.