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Pedestrian.tv
Pedestrian.tv
National
David Allegretti

From The D-Grade Influencer To The DJ, Here’s Every Bozo You’ll Ride With In An Uber Pool

Uber Pool is a melting pot of humanity’s most intriguing specimens — randos. 

If you feel like saving a few bucks and meeting a wild assortment of weird and wonderful creatures who are also supposedly human, then Uber Pool is for you.

Think of it like a fun matchmaking service on wheels, pairing you with an assortment of freaky individuals you never knew you needed in your life. People like…

The talker

You are simply in awe at this person’s WPS (that’s Words Per Second for those playing at home). This person has reached a new level of human evolution that allows them to simply never shut up. It’s actually impressive.

The D-grade influencer

Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok — they are shuffling back and forth through each like something you’ve never witnessed before. They are documenting every twist and turn of this ride, so make sure your best side is on display because you’re about to become the latest unwilling co-star in their stories.

The spy

This person is shrouded in mystery. You will never know their secrets. You’ll much sooner discover what’s in the centre of a black hole than learn their name. And for that, you think they’re so cool — so much cooler than you (because they are).

The DJ

Whatever you do, do not — I repeat — do not give them any control over the music. They will attempt to play their latest project. It will be bad. You will feel bad. The driver will feel bad. The vibe will be bad. So just listen to The Lion King soundtrack instead. Literally cannot go wrong there.

The zealot

Do you love conspiracies? Well, you’re in luck because you just hit the jackpot — this ride is about to take a detour into the twilight zone. The zealot will regale you with enlightening tales of government cover-ups and extra-terrestrial encounters while fretting about birds not being real and the earth being a little flatter than government schools will let on. Remember to nod politely, they’ll stop talking eventually (when The Government silences them for knowing too much).

Looking to save some money, do your bit to ease congestion, AND make some friends along the way? Grab an Uber Pool.

The post From The D-Grade Influencer To The DJ, Here’s Every Bozo You’ll Ride With In An Uber Pool appeared first on PEDESTRIAN.TV .

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