We live in a world stuffed so silly with streaming services that it is hard to get excited about newcomers any more. Apple TV+ was met with a shrug. Britbox barely registered. Disney+ is still a fortnight away for UK subscribers, but not even the promise of being able to watch every film you loved as a child has set our expectations alight. Maybe Quibi can do better.
For the uninitiated, Quibi is a mobile-first US streaming platform that promises big-name shows served in bite-sized chunks. It is yet to launch, but has racked up $2bn in funding, according to reports. Down the line there will be a reality show about Zac Efron being a worse version of Bear Grylls, as well as a horror series written by Stephen Spielberg that will be available only after the sun goes down. There will be “content” from 50 Cent and Kendall Jenner, too.
The service, which lands in the US next month, has just released its 50-show launch slate. Much of its output will be short news shows – including a show in partnership with the gossip site TMZ, another with the pop culture channel E!, a sports show, a weather show and a programme that packages highlights of the previous night’s late-night talkshows.
I have been through the list and found 10 shows that may convince you to try Quibi, selected either because they show promise or because I am just morbidly curious about them.
Survive
This is one of only four scripted series that Quibi will offer at launch. It takes Sophie Turner from Game of Thrones and Corey Hawkins from that series of 24 you didn’t watch and asks them to escape a plane wreckage in the wilderness. Remember the 2017 Kate Winslet drama The Mountain Between Us? No, of course you don’t. Anyway, this is like that, but better, because it is shorter.
Murder House Flip
This sounds like a parody, but I have checked and checked and it isn’t. Murder House Flip is a home renovation show, but one that purely focuses on sites that hosted notorious murders. Can fresh curtains distract the new owners from the terrible act of violence that happened in their home? Can decking sufficiently cover the shallow grave discovered by a horrified neighbour? Will magnolia walls mask the sense of screaming doom that fills this cursed house? Tune in to find out.
Most Dangerous Game
Another scripted series, Most Dangerous Game is a show in which a terminally ill Liam Hemsworth earns money to support his family by agreeing to be hunted by Christoph Waltz. For an entire series of television.
Dishmantled
I have written about Dishmantled before. Chefs compete to replicate a dish, but there is a twist: first of all, they have to guess what the dish is by having it blasted into their face from a cannon. Quibi prides itself on its short-form content, but you suspect that no episode of Dishmantled could ever be short enough.
Fierce Queens
A bite-size BBC wildlife show – this is a co-production with BBC Studios – is a really good idea for a mobile streaming platform, because those shows tends to fit an episodic format. But this is the internet in 2020, so instead we get Fierce Queens, a nature show in which Reese Witherspoon co-opts LGBTQ+ slang in order to reframe footage of lions eating deer “from a female perspective”, as the film site Deadline put it.
Chrissy’s Court
You like Chrissy Teigen on Twitter, so you are going to love her hosting a small-claims courtroom show in the style of Judge Judy. Of course you are. Don’t question it. You are.
Nikki Fre$h
Did you know that Nicole Richie had a hip-hop alter ego? Me neither. But there going to be an entire show about her. In Nikki Fre$h, the titular character will meet wellness practitioners, then try to live according to their instructions, “to comedic extremes”. Every word of that last sentence made me feel as if my brain was bleeding.
Shape of Pasta
The chef Evan Funke travels through Italy learning about making pasta. It sounds a bit boring, but there is still time for Quibi to repackage it into something more current. A show called This Is What Italy Was Like Before the Quarantine Ruined Everything, perhaps.
Idris vs Block
In which the actor Idris Elba and the rally driver Ken Block dare each other to complete car-based driving stunts. It doesn’t sound like much fun to watch, but it was probably fun to make. You would make it, too, if someone asked you. Well done, Quibi, for funding Elba’s hobby.
Prodigy
Megan Rapinoe from the football shines a light on eight remarkable young athletes. It doesn’t sound particularly exciting, but this is a platform designed to be watched while you are on the toilet, so let’s temper our expectations a little.
Quibi launches in the US on 6 April
