Soaps are becoming “like fast food”, according to the actor Shane Richie, with plotlines unfolding more quickly to cater for shorter audience attention. He should know: his EastEnders character Alfie Moon waited 14 months before his first kiss with on-off love Kat. Arguably, if scriptwriters nowadays want to attract the Snapchat generation, they are not going to do it with long, lumbering storylines. But how long did viewers have to wait for those most momentous episodes in the past?
EastEnders: Sharongate (1992-94)
Two years after Sharon Mitchell had first done the double (romantically rubbing the heads of both her husband Grant and his brother Phil), her confession was broadcast to a packed Queen Vic. Faaa-mily fist fights ensued.
How fast? Two years.
Brookside: Trevor Jordache under the patio (1993-95)
Long-suffering wife Mandy stabbed her abuser Trevor, the man whose evil eyes gave Brookside viewers nightmares, and buried him under the patio in 1993. It took two years for his body to be found, during which time barbecues and plumbers’ visits at chez Jordache triggered full-on panic.
How fast? Two years.
Coronation Street: The evil of Richard Hillman (2001-3)
Corrie’s conman Hillman enjoyed a long, downward spiral, from extorting cash from locals to killing crimper Maxine Peacock. His final evil act was to drive gullible wife Gail and her kids into the canal. They survived, but he didn’t.
How fast? Two years, two months.
EastEnders: Who shot Phil Mitchell? (March-April 2001)
Who in Albert Square didn’t want to pop a cap at the gruff-voiced Mitchell brother at one point or another? So many suspects – but, in a sign that the soap was already ahead of the times, it took mere weeks for Phil to pin it on former lover Lisa.
How fast? One month.
EastEnders: Who killed Lucy Beale? (2014-16)
Eleven laborious months preceded the Bobby Beale reveal and, to add to the anti-climactic fun, the storyline rumbled on for another year or so while Ian and Jane covered up for the evil pre-teen before finally turning him in in favour of a quiet life.
How fast? Two years, four months.
Hollyoaks: The Gloved Hand Killer (2014-16)
Hollyoaks loves a serial killer on the loose, but this murderous storyline ran and ran. Junior doctor Lindsey Butterfield was revealed as the handy culprit, but carried on killing until fellow murderer Silas bumped her off.
How fast? 18 months.
Coronation Street: Kylie’s death (July 2016)
She was a hoop-earringed legend who had cage-danced on to the cobbles and eventually cleaned up her act, but Kylie met a swift exit when she was stabbed at the end of one episode and died in the next.
How fast? 20 minutes.
EastEnders: Tina and Woody (April 2017)
It took just moments for Woody to change gay Tina’s sexuality and seduce her. That, viewers, is the magic of Lee Ryan from Blue’s charms.
How fast? One minute.
