From Boring To Borderline Scary: Roasting The Worst Secret Santa Gifts Out There
It’s that dreaded time of year. Office party invites are going out and someone amongst one of your many teams has just sent that one Slack message: “Are we doing Secret Santa this year?”
Now, I don’t know if you’ve looked up Secret Santa inspo recently, but I have. OH BOY, there is a lot going on out there.
When it comes to gift-giving, the safest and most appreciated option is, of course, a little something from The Bottle-O. Tried and true, it’s the easiest way to get that Christmas shopping done. Unfortunately, people don’t think of it until it’s too late.
So, we’re walking through the worst Secret Santa gifts, covering everything from basic to batty in the hopes of finding out if there are any actually worth gifting, and, most importantly, what they say about you.
Disclaimer: The sheer volume of toilet jokes or overtly sexual references is wild (especially considering they’re all vaguely office themed) but for the sanctity of this article, we have kept those references to a minimum.
Comedy Christmas ornaments
Generally speaking, this is a no for me, but this ornament? I hate to say it, but it’s a yes.
My main concern with this bad boy, though, would be questioning what my coworkers think of me if they have a $10 limit and instantly think that Nicholas Cage is the way to go.
This BBQ set from hell
What in the sleep paralysis demon is this? The BBQ set to end all BBQ sets, this gift is completely terrifying and surely unnecessary. How many coworkers are dropping hints about their BBQ needs? We would say forget about this one but, unfortunately, you’ll be seeing those faces in your nightmares from now on.
Novelty socks
AHA! What a gag! The comedy genius that picked out some silly socks must be everyone’s favourite funny coworker. There’s no way these come across as cringey or lame, no way at all!
Seriously though, you may get a quick laugh but unless they’re high-quality or at least a nice pattern, they’re going straight in the bin.
Whatever this is
Seriously, what is this? Am I meant to give this to someone at work? If you’re buying this for someone, you think you’re the class clown but truthfully, you’re barely tolerated. HR almost definitely has an email chain about you and, chances are, after they see this, you’ll be getting pulled in for a chat.
Favourites chocolates
Oh my god, so boring. They’re literally what to bring when you’re told not to bring a thing but the whole point of Secret Santa is to bring something.
Sure, they’re delicious, but they don’t scream personalised or thoughtful, do they? I hate to say it, but if you’re buying this then you must work in finance. The lack of creativity is screaming at me through the screen.
A candle
The gift that says “I don’t care about you”. I have seen this walked out at every family holiday and work Christmas party and may I just say: I am over a candle. I have four in my house that I don’t use, and I don’t need anymore. If you ask me: if you receive this as a prezzie, they think you smell, you’re boring, or both.
Truthfully, this list barely scratches the surface. There is some weird stuff out there, and if you want any hope of your email finding your coworker well, then I would avoid them all.
A safer bet is probably just to swing by The Bottle-O on your way in and be sure to pick up something they’ll actually appreciate. Something tells me they’d rather unwrap a nice bottle of whiskey than that Nic Cage ornament.
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