Woody Allen’s new TV show Crisis in Six Scenes launches on 30 September. Very little is known about the show, but one thing is certain: it wouldn’t be an Allen project if it didn’t contain at least a few of these trademark tropes.
The middle classes!
Overwhelmingly, Woody Allen protagonists are self-obsessed middle-class academics who punctuate all their conversations with highfalutin literary references. It’s hard to say if this will be the case here, but the minute-long teaser trailer did contain the word “novella”.
Lovely scenery!
Nobody has ever shot New York as well, or as comprehensively, as Woody Allen, and it’s unlikely anyone has ever set so many films there. After his recent jaunts around the world, he’s back in his home city for this new series. Plus, it’s set in the 1960s so, regardless of quality, at least it’ll look great.
A creepy age gap!
There was a 26-year age gap between Allen and Mariel Hemingway in Manhattan, a 33-year gap between him and Debra Messing in Hollywood Ending and a 41-year gap between Larry David and Evan Rachel Wood in Whatever Works. Miley Cyrus is 57 years younger than Woody Allen. They are almost definitely going to get it on.
A bad Woody Allen impression!
There’s always one of these. Kenneth Branagh in Celebrity. John Cusack in Bullets Over Broadway. Owen Wilson in Midnight in Paris. Jason Biggs in Anything Else. However, since Allen will star in Crisis in Six Scenes, hopefully the bad impression will be reserved for him.
Windsor Light Condensed!
This is a no-brainer. With the exception of Interiors, every Allen film since Annie Hall has featured this font. Crisis in Six Scenes proudly carries on the tradition, which is for the best. Imagine if it used Impact, Stencil or – heaven forbid – Matura M7 Script Capitals. Yuck.
An enormous downer!
Given Allen’s fondness for miserable endings – see Interiors, September, Crimes and Misdemeanours, Cassandra’s Dream, Blue Jasmine, Irrational Man – there’s a 30% chance that Crisis in Six Scenes will end with Cyrus becoming paralysed by the infinite cruelty of the universe and killing herself.
