And with that, I’m going to hang up my typewriter. It’s been a blast. Thanks for being there. Bye!
Bakayoko bursts into the area, gets to the byline, pulls the ball back and if only there had been a Frenchman on the edge of the six-yard box, they would have had a consolation. There wasn’t. And with that, the referee blows his whistle.
We’re deep into stoppage time at the Stade de France, where Spain lead 2-0 with three of five minutes played.
It’s half-time in Bolivia, and Argentina trail 1-0.
“Watching France against Spain tonight,” writes Paul Cox. “I see the potential of video technology, but it does suck the life out of a match – how are players supposed to celebrate authentically?” I for one am prepared to sacrifice authenticity of celebrations in favour of truth and justice, so long as said justice is swiftly delivered.
It’s all over in Amsterdam as well, where Holland have lost 2-1 to Italy.
Updated
GOAL! Portugal 2-3 Sweden!
João Cancelo has scored a last-minute own-goal winner for the Swedes! And that’s the way it is as the final whistle sounds!
@Simon_Burnton I don't know why but it feels important to note that Uruguay is Wrwgwái in Welsh.
— Harry Kennard (@HarryKennard) March 28, 2017
In further Everton-related news, back in Bolivia Ramiro Funes Mori has been substituted because of knack.
GOAL! Bolivia 1-0 Argentina
They’ve only gone and scored. I missed the goal, inevitably, but I’m told Juan Carlos Arce scored it.
GOAL! France 0-2 Spain
Deulofeu taps in at the far post after a low cross from the left, but the linesman’s got his flag in the air! The referee gets on the blower to the video official again, and it turns out the Everton man wasn’t offside after all, so it counts!
Updated
Donnarumma springs into action once again, after some panic in the Italian defence ends with the ball rolling to Sneijder, to deny the veteran another time.
Wesley Sneijder has just come on, and he sends in a 25-yarder that was heading low into the bottom right corner of the goal, at some speed, until Donnarumma got a hand in the way.
Oooh! In Amsterdam Atalanta’s Leonardo Spinazzola, on debut, runs in from the right into the penalty area and blasts a shot goalwards, but Zoet flings out a right arm and saves with his wrist!
GOAL! France 0-1 Spain
David Silva sends the ball low to his right, and the goalkeeper dives the wrong way.
Updated
Penalty to Spain!
It was a defensive howler, Deulofeu – who has just come on – intercepting a pass, running into the box and being taken out by Koscielny.
Mbappé’s night is ending without a goal: Olivier Giroud has replaced him in the 65th minute. He was, though, bright and constructive throughout.
Meanwhile Ronaldo’s homecoming has turned ugly: it’s now Portugal 2-2 Sweden, Viktor Claesson equalising.
Updated
Bolivia’s No13 just drew a top-drawer save. A home win in this one would make the qualifying group genuinely intriguing.
Argentina under real pressure early on here. They need some possession of they're going to be exhausted.
— Jonathan Wilson (@jonawils) March 28, 2017
It was an excellent header, though. Griezmann absolutely launched himself at the ball to power it home.
🎥An example of how video assistant refs could be used going forward...
— ITV Football (@itvfootball) March 28, 2017
Griezmann scores but the video ref rules it out for offside: pic.twitter.com/r0IswV6EyI
Updated
Bolivia v Argentina isn’t a great improvement on Ireland v Iceland so far, but there’s still time for the altitude to take effect.
BTW eight of the Bolivian players today on the pitch, play in La Paz. Just a little advantage.
— Juan G. Arango (@JuanG_Arango) March 28, 2017
Updated
They’re 10 minutes into the game in Bolivia, but the most interesting incident so far came before kick-off, when the Argentinian anthem was abruptly stopped half-way through.
That, by the way, was a pretty good advertisement for video officials. It took about 20 seconds to clear up, and prevented the award of a goal despite an offside that the on-field officials had missed.
Wimbledon, who went 1-0 up against Rochdale in the 53rd minute, have gone 3-0 up in the 58th!
No goal! France 0-0 Spain!
Griezmann headed in, but he was very slightly offside, and the France No3, who headed the cross back to him, was definitely offside.
Updated
GOAL! France 1-0 Spain
Two minutes into the second half, France take the lead. But should it stand? The referee is consulting the video official!
Fine save from Donnarumma, to stop Promes’s shot, which could have been a bit more powerful, really.
Updated
“Have you got Iraq v Iran yet,” asks Damien Cuddihy (and 14,821 others). Yes.
“Can we cross languages?” asks Martin Richardson. Um, not really, but then these are desperate times. “Chile (in English, or indeed Spanish) and Chine (French for China)? If Monsieur Guerry makes up a nonsense game we can invent out own the rules right? I like Haiti and Tahiti a lot as well.”
“Is is too pathetic to point out that it is officially The Gambia, not merely Gambia?” writes Oliver Dungey. “Not for me it’s not. I’m ruling out Zambia vs The Gambia.” Well get ready to rule it back in again:
@DanFromFL @Simon_Burnton Governing body in the country is called Gambia Football Federation, no definite article. So the team is Gambia.
— R. Marr (@RolloTreadway) March 28, 2017
Meanwhile in Amsterdam, Rugani gets booked for cynically blocking Depay, and pulling his shirt for good measure.
I’m going to stop watching Ireland, because everyone’s telling me it’s boring, and start watching Bolivia, so get ready for a goal rush in Dublin.
@Simon_Burnton Russia and Prussia almost count - in an imaginary game before football was invented
— Daniel Chernilo (@danielchernilo) March 28, 2017
N Korea v S Korea doesn’t count. East Germany v West Germany might have counted if we were doing this 30 years ago, but doesn’t any more.
@Simon_Burnton Finland v. Funland. And I'm not asking if it counts; it does in my head.
— Citizen of Nowhere (@il_cagnaccio) March 28, 2017
Kick-off in Bolivia is 20 minutes away. Argentina are without the suspended Messi, and also without the requisite oxygen.
Bolivia: Lampe, Bejarano, Raldes, Flores, Zenteno, Chumacero, Castro, Escobar, Wayar, Arce, Martins. Subs: Cordano, Haquim, Sagredo, Vargas, Justiniano, Campos, Miranda, Melean, Gutierrez, Vaca, Morales, Vizcarra.
Argentina: Romero, Roncaglia, Musacchio, Funes Mori, Rojo, Perez, Pizarro, Banega, Di Maria, Correa, Pratto. Subs: Guzman, Lavezzi, Alario, Marcone, Aguero, Caruzzo, Buffarini, Pinola, Andujar, Acuna, Dybala.
Referee: Wilmar Roldan Perez (Colombia)
Harsh but fair.
@Simon_Burnton Paul Guerry sleeps with the fishes ...
— Hubert O'Hearn (@BTBReviews) March 28, 2017
It’s half-time in Holland, where Italy lead 2-1.
Dan Breen has been thinking outside the box, proposing Tonga v Gabon. In his defence, the question didn’t make clear whether the letters had to be in the same order.
The whistle blows, and Ireland and Iceland go in at half-time with the visitors 1-0 up.
Updated
New Zealand beat Fiji 2-0 in World Cup qualifying. Here are the key stats:
New Zealand vs Fiji:
— Football Stuff (@FootbalIStuff) March 28, 2017
🏟 Capacity: 35,000
💩 Attendance: 50
😂 Wenger Out Banners: 1 pic.twitter.com/sWpGLVMoYC
“I should probably admit that I could think of none,” admits quizmaster Paul Guerry. “Zambia v Gambia is good.” So we may never know the answers.
Daniele De Rossi, the Italy captain, is limping around the outside of the pitch looking unhappy, and that’s the end of his evening. Roberto Gagliardini comes on to replace him.
Portugal are 2-0 up against Sweden, Andreas Ganqvist scoring an own goal.
Holland very nearly equalised inside 30 seconds! It’s a lovely cross from the right, but Bonucci slides in to clear at full strength, with Depay (I think) lurking behind him.
GOAL! Holland 1-2 Italy!
A corner is headed goalwards, Zoet saves excellently, but Bonucci slams the rebound into the roof of the net!
Updated
“Does Holand vs Poland count?” asks Mayur Gupta (and 1,248 others). Not to me it doesn’t.
As we speak, Dion Dublin is watching Busted in concert.
It's begun, the warm up band are underway @Busted @RoyalAlbertHall @TeenageCancer ....... main event: @edsheeran pic.twitter.com/gkxhr6PTTx
— Dion Dublin (@DionDublinsDube) March 28, 2017
“Sweden are playing a high back line tonight, so it wouldn’t surprise me if Ronaldo Thelin to a few offside traps tonight, putting a Hult to any cheeky through balls,” writes Woolie Madden. “Playing a Krafth-y game, those Swedes. On the subject of Sweden’s defence: I see they have four at the back tonight. I’m a little surprised they didn’t line up as 1-5-4, as with Helander at the back, ‘there can be only one’. I’ll see myself out.”
You’d better.
@Simon_Burnton Has anyone picked up on Zambia-Gambia yet?
— R. Marr (@RolloTreadway) March 28, 2017
Nope.
Holland nearly score again! From a corner, Martins Indi thumps a header against the bar!
Hubert O’Hearn and PJ Nellbone on Twitter both get Iran v Iraq, and the latter also suggests USA v UAE, which sounds like cheating to me.
@Simon_Burnton Are all of the international games friendlies, or which ones are for qualification?
— ericbojanglesschwab (@ericjonahschwab) March 28, 2017
All of tonight’s European games are friendlies, but there have been, or will be, qualifiers today in Asia, Oceania, South and Central America.
France very nearly score, Koscielny heading a free-kick goalwards, but though it beats De Gea, Ramos gets back to volley off the line!
“Name three other international fixtures in which the two countries differ by only one letter,” writes Paul Guerry, apropos Ireland v Iceland. Consider my thinking cap donned.
I don’t know why someone’s gone to the trouble of working this out, but it’s a fine stat.
His place of birth Funchal becomes the 86th city in which @Cristiano scores a goal in his career (all competitions, club & country) #PORSWE
— Gracenote Live (@GracenoteLive) March 28, 2017
Guess who’s put Portugal 1-0 up against Sweden? Yes, him.
Updated
GOAL! Republic of Ireland 0-1 Iceland
Hordur Bjorgvin curls the ball over the wall and into goal from a free kick just outside the penalty area!
Updated
Choir uniform of the day
This match has already finished, and falls outside my purview, but these uniforms are too good to leave out.
York are now 2-0 up at Macclesfield, and Sheffield United are 1-0 up against Millwall, through Jack O’Connell.
That is a remarkable minute of friendly action right there.
A free-kick is chipped into the area, headed out to Eder, 20 yards from goal, and he slams a low shot across goal and in the far corner!
Updated
Italy equalise about 20 seconds later!
Quincy Promes is played in by Klassen, and his shot hits a defender, hits another defender, wrongfoots the goalkeeper and bobbles in! Romagnoli is the embarrassed defender!
Goal! Holland go one up against Italy, and the Italians scored it for them!
He just can’t resist showing it off, can he?
The second also comes in the conference: York are 1-0 up at Macclesfield, and look very much capable of dragging themselves out of the relegation mire at the moment.
The first goal of my night comes at Chester, where Barrow, who could go fifth in the Conference tonight, have gone a goal up in the second minute, through Richie Bennett.
Here’s a story about Seedorf’s appearance. He was, it seems, being officially retired as an international. Never too late, eh?
Kick-off in the Holland v Italy game has been delayed by a lengthy on-field interview with Clarence Seedorf, followed by a Seedorf speech to the crowd. I know not why, because it was all in Dutch.
Kick-off! Ireland v Iceland is the first of the three games I’m kind-of-watching to get under way.
Carl Magnusson has helpfully emailed the Portugal v Sweden teams. Let’s hope they’re right, eh?
Portugal: Marafona; Cancelo, Alves, Neto, Eliseu; Moutinho, Danilo, Sanches; Martins, C Ronaldo, B Silva.
Sweden: Johnsson; Krafth, Granqvist, Helander, Hult; Sam Larsson, Seb Larsson, J Johansson, V Claesson; Nyman, Thelin.
Fabio Capello and Louis van Gaal are sitting next to each other in the stands for the Holland game. Is that the KNVB’s next managerial dream team?
Here’s what the inside of the video referee’s van looks like:
France v Spain will feature video referees, which the French appear quite keen on – it’s the second friendly they’ve used them in. Only eight years too late, some might say.
“I propose that on international friendly days, the Clockwatch be named Knackwatch,” writes Peter Oh, “because let’s face it, all I’m interested in reading about is whether or not my club’s players survive without having to be carried off due to gah, ack, or twang.” Not a terrible idea, but then we all have our own thing we watch out for and we can’t name it after all of them. If I had my way, it would be permanently retitled In Search of the Perfect Goal, which is a footballing equivalent of Waiting for Godot only normally more fun.
Ireland’s team to play Iceland:
BREAKING: Conor Hourihane & John Egan are set to make their international debuts as both men are named in the team to face Iceland! #COYBIG pic.twitter.com/OVzxdE2eWT
— FAIreland (@FAIreland) March 28, 2017
And France start with Kylian Mbappé! Their team in full: Lloris; Jallet, Koscielny, Umtiti, Kurzawa; Tolisso, Kanté, Rabiot; Mbappé, Gameiro, Griezmann.
On connaît le 11 de départ pour ce #FRAESP qui s'annonce bouillant!! 🔥🔥 21h00 sur TF1 #FiersdetreBleus pic.twitter.com/XzmSa9XRaD
— Equipe de France (@equipedefrance) March 28, 2017
Spain’s team to play France: De Gea; Carvajal, Ramos, Pque, Alba, Busquets, Koke, Isco, Iniesta, Pedro, Morata.
OFICIAL | ¡Estos son los 11 elegidos para medirnos a @equipedefrance! ¡A POR TODAS! ¡#VamosEspaña! 💪🏻🇪🇸 pic.twitter.com/06sjwV53so
— Selección Española (@SeFutbol) March 28, 2017
And Holland’s team, with no attempt whatsoever made at putting them into formation: Zoet; Tete, Martins Indi, Hoedt, Blind, Strootman, Lens, Wijnaldum, Depay, Klaassen, Promes.
There’s some England-related interest on the bench, which features Tottenham’s Michel Vorm and Steven Berghuis of Watford (though he’s on loan at Feyenoord).
This, meanwhile, is how Austria line up against Finland:
Die Startelf gegen Finnland. #autfin pic.twitter.com/uLyg1ctrWN
— ÖFB - oefb.at (@oefb1904) March 28, 2017
Italy’s team looks like this: Donnarumma; Rugani, Bonucci, Romagnoli; Zappacosta, De Rossi, Verratti, Parolo, Darmian; Immobile, Eder.
❗️ | Here is the #Azzurri XI for tonight's match!#NetherlandsItaly🇳🇱 🇮🇹 #NEDITA #VivoAzzurro pic.twitter.com/sOVNl2NbhM
— Italy (@azzurri) March 28, 2017
International football can have serious long-term repercussions: according to this Icelandic obstetrician this weekend there were a record-smashing number of births in Iceland, precisely nine months after their victory over England.
hehehe dagsins:
— Ásgeir Pétur (@asgeirpetur) March 27, 2017
sett var met í fjölda mænudeyfinga á fæðingarvakt um helgina - níu mánuðum eftir 2-1 sigurinn á Englandi
;)
Still waiting for teams, but it looks like Italy will be wearing white:
#OlandaItalia: lo spogliatoio degli #Azzurri #OlaIta #NedIta #VivoAzzurro @azzurri pic.twitter.com/2cB6nvT3eW
— Nazionale Italiana (@Vivo_Azzurro) March 28, 2017
Hello world! So international week continues, though tonight we’ve only got five internationals to think about:
Austria v Finland
Holland v Italy
Portugal v Sweden
Republic of Ireland v Iceland
France v Spain
And also three League One matches, of which one is fairly important:
Oxford United v Bury
Sheffield United v Millwall
Wimbledon v Rochdale
And we might as well throw the one League Two match into the mix
Accrington Stanley
And while we’re here, the National League’s game-in-hand-hoarding leaders are in action, and all five games are potentially important either at the top or the bottom:
Chester v Barrow
Macclesfield v York City
Solihull Moors v Torquay United
Sutton United v Lincoln City
Tranmere v Dover Athletic
Simon Burnton will be here shortly …
