Here’s the match report on this most ludicrous of matches.
Andrew Harper, a voice of reason amid madness: “After the abuse meted out this week it needs to be said for the record - Thomas Tuchel has improved on Southgate and is England’s most successful coach since Alf Ramsey, if you use the not-unreasonable metric of performance at a World Cup. Fair’s fair.”
Kari Tulinius gets in touch: “Such an absurd and joyous spectacle! France played in the two best and most entertaining matches at the last two world cups, and it will take some final tomorrow for France not to extend their streak by one year. That said, it was Argentina that was their opponent in the 4-3 in 2018 and the 3-3 in ‘22. What a legacy for Deschamps!”
The records that fell: the highest scoring game since 1982, Kylian Mbappe becoming the highest World Cup scorer in history, Bukayo Saka joining the World Cup hat-trick club, Jude Bellingham becoming the first Englishman to score seven World Cup goals, Michael Olise equalling Pele’s assist record for a World Cup. So there’s that.
Can a third-place play-off be the best match of a tournament? The answer? Yes.
Full-time: France 4-6 England
The game that means nothing was one of the highlights of the tournament with records falling over the place. It ends with Thomas Tuchel and Didier Deschamps hugging with huge smiles. That was truly amazing.
Goal! France 4-6 England (Bellingham, 90+8)
This is real desperation. England cannot seem to hold on to the ball aside from one man: Jude Bellingham goes on and on, and cuts in and out, beating Lacroix, righting himself and scoring. That’s his seventh goal…
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Goal! France 4-5 England (Dembele, 90+6)
Rayan Cherki, canned at half-time, has a haunted expression on the touchline. Jude Bellingham does some useful ball-carrying…but then loses it and Dembele, cutting in from the right, gets to an Upamecano pass and whips the ball home.
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90+5 min: Dembele and Olise resume their rhythm and England are sat back deep, with Djed Spence making a clearance before then going down heavily. It looks like he’s pulled something. England down to 10.
90+3 min: The ref does England a solid by getting in the way when the ball is set back for a France shot. Trevoh Chalobah is coming on, the late replacement being a late replacement. Only Kobbie Mainoo with no minutes of the outfield players.
90+1 min: Seven minutes seems low. As Darren Fletcher told us, the ref needed a “rub down” in the second half.
90 min: England remain open to French attacks. There’s plenty of football left to be played. Barcola forces a corner. There will be seven minutes added. Gusto goes off, Kounde on for France.
88 min: Will that decide it? That seems unlikely. How did England get back in a winning position? By attacking. So then, about Atlanta, and those French misses.
87 min: It should be noted that Bellingham passed up the chance to score his seventh goal, the most ever by an Englishman at a World Cup. Saka follows Hurst, Lineker and Kane as an Englishman with a hat-trick.
Goal! France 3-5 England (Saka, 86 pen, hat-trick)
It looks like Bellingham will take it, but then the ball is with Saka, for his hat-trick. The run-up is short but the penalty is true and to the right.
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Penalty to England!
85 min: Spence gallops onwards, and Gusto slides in and catches him. A definite penalty.
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84 min: Anderson chases gamely, but France look so much more full of zest. Mbappe skids a shot from distance that Henderson fields with comfort.
83 min: Quansah is down, and will be replaced by James once he gets up. How this game is still 4-3 is beyond all logic.
81 min: Bellingham is soon involved, in releasing Watkins, and then following up, gliding on but suddenly losing the momentum. Within seconds, France go close to their fourth. It seems as Olise must score as the ball is laid into his path. But it goes wide. Somehow. How did that go wide?
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80 min: Eze and Toney depart, as Anderson and Bellingham come on, to try and block up the midfield.
78 min: France free-kick, English boots swing and miss before Eze hoofs clear. Seen this movie before? There is no out-ball for England.
77 min: So too is Elliot Anderson. England need someone to block up the plughole. This pressure is almost as intense as that they faced in Atlanta.
76 min: Mbappe bobs and weaves, and falls, with Rogers having hold of his shirt. Though it looks as if Mbappe was similarly guilty. Jude Bellingham is imminent.
74 min: Olise is now level with Pele on assists and might have had a goal, only for him to slash wide after Gusto’s excellent pass. France want this, their ennui of the first 45 a distant memory.
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73 min: Ivan Toney is down, following some rough stuff from Upamecano. The referee asks him to get back up.
71 min: No Kane, no Bellingham yet, though there is some warming up in session. How can England stop losing the ball? Bit of fun shared between Marc Guehi and Michael Olise; it’s been a Crystal Palace masterclass on both teams.
69 min: Brian gets in touch: “Long goal kicks: when you care enough to say to the opponent “Here, we don’t like the ball, you have it. Now hurt us, please!”
”It did a lot to cost them the game against Argentina and here we go again. Unfortunately Pickford is hopeless with the ball at his feet so I guess they don’t have a choice.”
68 min: There was almost another, as Mbappe just fails to reach out a telescopic leg to collect a pass. Here’s the hydration break. Thomas Tuchel’s future may rest on this.
Goal! France 3-4 England (Mbappe, 67)
The history man does it, the all-time World Cup goalscorer, and the all-time assists, from Olise. Mbappe lashes it home with his left. Oh France, oh England.
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65 min: Thomas Tuchel has not been a fan of Jordan Pickford’s kicking but Henderson’s has been similarly afflicted. His saves have been fine, and his defenders bail him out when Mbappe makes a mess of a backheel. England try to counter too quickly.
64 min: Watkins has seen plenty of the ball in linking up with Eze; England are trying not to sit back, mostly because they can’t. France look renewed, slick, and Dembele cuts inward, only to shoot at Henderson, who reads the danger well.
62 min: England try to keep the ball, buy some calm and collect their thoughts. Eventually, Toney almost gets to a Rice dink, only for some desperate French defending to block off the striker.
61 min: Richard Hirst asks: “Will Tuchel now be castigated for not parking the bus at 4-0?” France are as rampant as England were in the first half, and Olise is allowed to dance through and zip a shot wide. This is all very silly.
59 min: Maignan has to make a brilliant save from a Toney flick from a Rice corner that comes off Watkins and can only be clawed away. That keeps France in the contest.
58 min: From being a glorified friendly, there’s a bit of needle here. England need to do some attacking, and Djed Spence, as ever, leads the effort, before Upamecano makes a saving tackle.
56 min: Oh my, this game is so ridiculous. Dembele escapes on the left, and Henderson, who makes a fine save. One that meets the approval of Jordan Pickford. There was an offside, so the danger would have been cleared, though Henderson doesn’t know that.
55 min: They couldn’t, could they? They probably could. And to lose from this position, well, Thomas Tuchel’s name will be the deepest hue of mud.
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Goal! France 2-4 England (Barcola, 54)
Uh oh! Eze goes on a solo run, and decides to chip Maignan from miles out. As soon as the ball is cleared, France go back on the attack and Barcola gallops on, and slots past Henderson.
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53 min: England need to calm this one down. Allan Castle gets in touch: “Can I be the first of what will certainly be many Arsenal fans reminding viewers that four-nil is the most dangerous lead in football?”
51 min: Almost another the loose ball falls to Rabiot after a French tackle, rare as ortolan in the first half, sets up another France attack. England are playing like France in the first half. Did Anthony Barry go too early?
49 min: A half-celebration from Mbappe. He’ll want more, and in scoring in this game, he’s repeating Just Fontaine’s stat-padding in 1958, when the Frenchman finished on 13 goals with four in the semi. Olise meanwhile has a record five assists. Level with Pele.
Goal! France 1-4 England (Mbappe, 48)
The king claims his title, the ball played for Olise and Mbappe scores his ninth goal, and becomes joint all-time World Cup scorer with Messi.
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47 min: Rice, in that deep role, stroking the ball around. He looks fitter than last week, which is unfortunate timing.
46 min: So back we go, with France on the attack and Malo Gusto having to stop Djed Spence in his tracks.
No shocks, there will be a host of French changes, four: Digne, Upemecano, Dembele, Barcola ON. Konate, Theo Hernandez, Olise, Doue OFF.
Rashford departs for England, Watkins comes on.
Here’s those Anthony Barry quotes via the BBC: “To be honest there’s no frustration. I’m a little bit emotional. I can’t find the words to describe how proud I am of these players. They’re playing a game with broken hearts. I see 11 lads on the field with broken hearts. I’ve seen them in the hotel the last few days with broken hearts. And they can build a performance like that through pride of playing for England.
“The team spirit over the last seven weeks has been a privilege to watch. I know what the cynics will say, ‘it’s too late’, but we’re still playing against a world-class opponent and that 45 minutes I’m so proud of the boys. There’s 45 minutes to go, the game’s not done, anything can happen. In isolation I’m proud of the team and I hope everyone back home is as well.”
*sob*
Jeff Sax gets in touch: “Pointless match, pointless result.”
That doesn’t necessarily make it a bad match.
The word is that Anthony Barry’s half-time show has been an emotional tour de force. Sadly, I can’t see it here, but will await the quotes.
Andrew James gets in touch: “Thanks for all of the Guardian’s coverage of the World Cup, it’s been great. I’ve particularly enjoyed the Football Weekly podcasts. Gotta feel for Ollie Watkins here - he came into the World Cup on a red hot run of form, and it looks like his only involvement will be the last few minutes of the Argentina game.”
Kari Tulinius gets in touch: “I’ve been thinking about how to judge the quality of a World Cup. I think you need at least two or three classic matches that you’d want to rewatch in years to come, and a couple of mind-boggling upsets. By those measures, this editions falls short, certainly compared to 2018 and ‘22. I still think this is better than the first four World Cups this century, but 2002-14 was a pretty rum run, entertainment-wise. That said, there have been a lot of great moments, so it has been enjoyable.”
Yes, agree, though I am resistant to being told it’s the greatest World Cup ever as a) it’s not finished yet and b) you can’t make that judgement in the moment and c) Fifa said this after Qatar 2022. It’s almost as if the broadcaster is pitching for the next rights deal.
Here’s Gary Naylor: “IT’S COMING THIRD / IT’S COMING THIRD / IT’S COMING / FOOTBALL’S COMING THIRD...”
Bryan gets in touch: “Are all the whinging Arsenal supporters happy? BTW, I thought Rice was limping before that goal.”
Bryan would like you to know he’s an Arsenal fan.
Half-time: France 0-4 England
A French surrender, an English triumph when it barely matters. Declan Rice appears embarrassed to be part of it as he leaves the field for the break. What an odd occasion this is.
45+4 min: Saka’s corner, and there’s a foul on the French keeper to close the half.
45+3 min: Saka and Rashford running free, no Frenchmen near then. Then Toney has a shot blocked, the first evidence of French defending in some time.
Goal! France 0-4 England (Saka, 45+1)
Beginning to lose count. The formula is the same, an England forward getting a pass from Eze and slotting with ease, though some style too. Thomas Tuchel gives warm applause.
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45 min: Four minutes added to the half. The stat is that only Malo Gusto has made a tackle, and no other French defenders.
44 min: Richard Slassor gets in touch: “It warms my heart that England saved their best for the big game.” It’s suggested that France have not yet put in a tackle worthy of the name.
43 min: Rogers and Toney link up, and even though Rogers’ second pass goes off beam, it’s clear that Toney’s movement might have been some use beyond the mere seconds he has played in the tournament.
41 min: France’s ennui, insouciance is made apparent by even more lax defending that almost lets in Rashford for a fourth goal. There’s been 300 goals at the World Cup 2026, a case of pile it high.
39 min: We may well ask: does this matter? Such an argument will be made either side of the Channel. It is still unlikely to be much of a fig leaf for the Shame of Atlanta.
38 min: Quelle horreur for France, vindication for England? Or the sense that there might be something in this attacking lark?
Goal! France 0-3 England (Saka, 37)
This was chaos. France are all over the place. Rashford play in Saka, who rounds Maignan and when he is asked to turn back finds the referee in the way. Then, after Cherki has a shot saved by Henderson the ball comes all the way back to Rashford, and eventually, after taking a beat, Saka smashes in, off a French boot.
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35 min: Fine save from Henderson, with Olise playing in Mbappe, who drills his shot, and the Palace keeper stakes his claim with more good work.
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33 min: Have England slackened off? Or are they looking for the counter? Scratch that, Rashford takes Warren Zaire-Emery to school with a drag-back and smashes the ball with severe venom. That requires a save from Maignan. Rashford could actually have passed to Saka, as Thomas Tuchel also seems to think.
31 min: Rice is sat deep, taking the ball off the defenders, his role a little different with Elliott Anderson on the bench. Quansah takes a knock from Doue, it looked like a poke in the eye. Accidental, though.
30 min: Olise appears to have woken up, perhaps with an Mbappe flea in his ear. France have improved since their swigs of energy drink. It takes a combination of Rice and Spence to clear the latest danger.
28 min: Rogers loses the ball in midfield, and Olise sets off, playing in Mbappe, Guehi stoops to clear, and Henderson has the angle narrowed. An offside flag was waved – wrongly, it turns out.
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27 min: Euan Scott gets in touch: “I find within myself a slight knot in my stomach not of worry but slight annoyance, cause we’re playing really well with this young dynamic squad, back-and-forth. It just makes me ask what if we had made such substitutions in the semi-finals? Can’t change the past though, and hopefully something in this fixture can make me less pessimistic.”
25 min: Mbappe, who has scored in two finals, and a hat-trick in the last, has looked desperate for a goal in a third-place play-off. He’s prowling with intent as they resume.
24 min: Ron Stack gets in touch, a Spurs fan at a guess: “Porro, Romero and Spence have all had an excellent World Cup, haven’t they? I guess it’s all downhill from here. Congrats to you and your Guardian colleagues for outstanding reporting and incisive (and brutal) commentary.”
23 min: France ready for the hydration break. Mbappe has a face like thunder but is full of intention and smashes a shot wide. Here comes the drinks, and in my case here, a deluge of David Beckham content.
21 min: David Wall gets in touch: “Ah, so Konsa for Gordon against Argentina was an attacking change all along! I guess we all owe Thomas an apology.”
20 min: The question will be asked: where were this England? But perhaps we should enjoy this for what it is, success on the international stage that was beyond reach for so long.
Goal! France 0-2 England (Konsa, 19)
Declan Rice’s ball is a pearler, and Konsa jumps high and unmarked, to nod home. England are heading for their best World Cup since 1966.
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18 min: Saka has another chance, set up by Eze, cutting in on his favoured left. Lacroix’s boot deflects the ball behind. England look so dangerous on the counter.
17 min: Big noise from the fans in Miami.
15 min: Guehi comes across to stop a cross from the byline from Mbappe, who is NOT playing this game like it’s a glorified friendly. France make little of the resultant corner. Darren Fletcher now says this has “been the best World Cup we have ever seen”. Is Donald Trump doubling as script editor on Fox?
14 min: Michael S Weller gets in touch: “ Love your reference to Mark E. Smith, as the Fall are my favourite band, but I wonder if the legendary Prestwich resident might be more appropriate for Spain this summer? “We’ve got the repetition, in the” football, “and we’re never gonna lose it...repetition, in the defense...repetition, in the pressing...Marc Cucurella LOVES repetition, Unai Simon loves repetition...”
13 min: France look the team who are recovering from a painful defeat. And that’s because they are. They were the best team in the tournament until that Dallas semi.
Saka goal disallowed...
Just offside, bursting away as Quansah plays him in but a nice finish. France’s defence looks vulnerable.
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11 min: Doue, at pace, sets up Cherki, who takes on the shot. Henderson saves well. Mbappe is asking his teammates for more. He really wants that second golden boot…
10 min: News that Dan Burn is warming up to come on and lead the defensive effort has been exaggerrated.
9 min: Rice has chance to whip in free-kick just down to the left, by the touchline. Konate, who has started well, gets it clear.
8 min: France are penned back, Saka and Toney both getting glimpses, but then Cherki sets off a counter and Mbappe cannot quite control the ball. The lack of jeopardy has allowed this game an element of cavalier spirit.
7 min: Rampant England. Rice has looked great. Saka also keen to get involved and the ball ends with Rashford, whose shot is fierce but deflected behind.
6 min: Konate steps across to deny a pass aimed for Toney.
5 min: France, who suffered their own disappointment, try to relaunch. Rabiot shows off his skill but cannot find Doue or Mbappe.
4 min: Big smiles from Harry Kane, applause from Thomas Tuchel, Rice’s celebration is muted. Let’s hope England don’t try and sit on this lead….
Goal! France 0-1 England (Rice, 3)
Well, what a start. Rice picks up a loose Doue ball and drills past Maignan.
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2 min: A Rashford ball is aimed for Toney and headed away by Lacroix…
We are go in Miami....
1 min: France, in break from tourney tradition, do not hoof the ball out of play. Did they not get the memo? It’s at a slow pace, it’s hot and muggy out there. Djed Spence and Marcus Rashford link early down the left. Jarrell Quansah is playing on the right.
Charles Antaki, a man of culture, gets in touch: “I’m half-watching the BBC coverage online, doing something else on a different tab – they’re just showing images of a players warming up with some background music, presumably being played over the stadium PA. Nothing unusual so far… Except… Surely not? Yes! They’re playing a Charles Aznavour number. Charles Aznavour! Classic French crooner, total French icon, almost certainly a Légion D’Honneur. If they ‘re going to match that with a Brit, one wonder who it will be- Sir Cliff?”
Surely Sir Cliff. Perhaps Mark E Smith.
Here comes the English national anthem. Declan Rice is captain, which is one clue as to why he might have wanted to play.
Pravin Gopal gets in touch: “I find it laughable that Arsenal fans like Tom Johnson et al are complaining about England playing Saka and Rice. It was Arteta who ran them into the ground and played them while injured in his mythical quest to win the Premier League and Championship. If anybody is to blame for the injuries to them, which have been carried over while playing for Arsenal, it should be Arteta!”
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In other news, Darren Fletcher in the commentary box, having dropped in the Battle of Agincourt, is telling viewers he’d like to take his shirt off because of the heat. Meanwhile, Thomas Tuchel and Didier Deschamps share a manly hug as the national anthems begin, France going first.
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Mike Nagle gets in touch: “Great coverage. Thank you very much. France put out a fairly strong team, England a much weaker one. What is going on here? It may be a match that no one wanted to play but it still is one in which we surely want to compete & try to win. What is your take on this?”
I guess England do indifference and the “I never fancied her anyway” better than anyone.
From those in Miami: "audible boos as Tuchel’s name was read out before the game.”
Perhaps Sir Keir Starmer could have styled it out with Tuchel now taking the brunt.
Tom Johnson gets in touch: “It is an absolute disgrace that Saka and Rice are playing. They are both clearly carrying injuries that have stopped them performing at their usual high standards. I hope Arteta is watching and withdraws them from every England game next season. I am bloody furious.”
Perhaps they asked to play, Tom.
Niall Mullen gets in touch: “Tommy T has done the Arne Slot transformation. Every pronouncement seemed wise and on point while his team were winning and now he’s under scrutiny they all seem defensive and laced with self justification. Probably the words are not that different but context has changed the tenor of them completely.”
Social media suggests Arsenal fans are enraged by the inclusion of Declan Rice and Bukayo Saka after their fitness problems at this World Cup.
Wenger denies impact of hydration breaks
Story via Reuters: Hydration breaks introduced at the World Cup did not impact the flow of play and had no effect on results of matches but their future is still undecided, Arsene Wenger, Fifa’s chief of global football development said on Saturday.
Wenger said Fifa would review the hydration breaks after the tournament, before taking a decision on whether to use them in future competitions. FIFA made three-minute hydration breaks midway through each half mandatory in every World Cup match but they were not universally embraced.
Critics said the breaks, which essentially cut the game into four quarters, impacted the momentum of matches while allowing broadcasters to benefit from commercial breaks for over two minutes. Fans booed during hydration breaks early on in the tournament.
“No,” Wenger told a press conference when asked whether they had any impact on the games. “Sometimes they did not like them and we have to analyse after the World Cup what is the impact. It did not look to me that it [hydration break] changed the results of the competition. But we are here to serve people who watch football.”
Thomas Tuchel has been speaking in pre-match: “[France] were on their way to the final and seemed the strongest, the strongest team in this tournament. And it was the strongest form and yet they had a total day off. It just tells you we’re like on the same stage and playing for the third place, a very, very difficult opponent, but like I said yesterday, I feel that there’s still a slight gap between us and the top three teams and today we try to close that gap and then we’ll compete and try to get that win because it’s important for us.”
Mark Turner gets in touch: “This whole “Everyone is rooting for Spain” thing is uniquely English (i.e. not even British) and is more about Perfidious Albion’s self-image and myopia. For sure there are places that have traditional enmity with the Albiceleste (the top three are Brazil, Chile and North Mexico) but most of Latin America, most of Africa and the emerging Asian football worlds tend to be very pro-Argentina. It really is time to stop believing your own propaganda.”
I’m not sure who this refers to but point made, Mark.
Jon Collins gets in touch: “Why on earth is Declan Rice, of all people, starting this meaningless match? He’s carrying an injury, has played an unfathomable number of games this season, and looks more in need of a rest than any player I’ve ever seen. He should be on a beach by now, not lining up for yet another game. As Shaun said, Arteta will be rightly furious.
”Also great work on the pod in the home stretch. I hope you’re enjoying New York.”
Thanks, it’s been great fun, with plenty of hard work done by the production team behind the scenes.
Morgan Rogers and Eberechi Eze together is quite the combination. Rogers very much in the news.
Arsenal were interested in Rogers and made contact with Villa this month but Chelsea have long tracked the 23-year-old’s progress and have moved quickly to land one of Xabi Alonso’s top targets.
The deal is a significant boost for the Spaniard, who was hired as Chelsea’s manager in May. Rogers played an instrumental role in Villa reaching the Champions League and winning the Europa League last season, providing 14 goals and 12 assists in all competitions, and has been a key player for England at the World Cup. He started on the right wing in the semi-final defeat by Argentina and created the opening goal for Anthony Gordon.
The TV commentator on the US coverage is Fletch “Darren” Fletcher, who has just told us that the conditions are so hot in Miami that you “could quite literally get out a knife and cut the heat”. I have never quite understood the metaphor behind that football cliche.
Shaun Lawson gets in touch: “That selection is INSANE. He benches Bellingham when he’s still in golden boot contention: that looks for all the world like punishment for what happened after the Norway game. He starts Rice and Saka, both with huge fitness concerns, burning his bridges with Arteta: who’ll be doing his nut.
“He ignores Watkins despite benching Kane and despite the fantastic form Watkins was in late in the season. Mainoo? He’s blatantly cried off. Can’t say I blame him given his disgusting treatment. I think there’s a thrashing coming here. a humiliation.”
Colum Fordham gets in touch: “I read the email from an American reader with interest and some amusement. While Tuchel may not experience coaching a national team, I think he ignores the fact that Tuchel won the Champions League with Chelsea and coached PSG. So he hardly lacks international experience.
“But what interests and perplexes me more, given the above, is Tuchel’s decision not to pick players who are comfortable on the ball such as Cole Palmer and Phil Foden, not to mention the creative flair that a player of the calibre of Trent Alexander Arnold could have brought to key moments of matches with his superlative long passes. And Thomas Tuchel’s decision not to even include Mainoo, who had a great second half of the season with Man Utd, on the bench is baffling. Mainoo could have held the ball and supplied forwards like Saka, Rashford or Ollie Watkins in the last 30 minutes against Argentina.”
Big wry smile at the cameras from Thomas Tuchel as he leaves the England bus in Miami.
Brian Dunne has been on: “First of all, a huge shout-out to all of you at The Guardian for your coverage of the World Cup; have been following the live blogs almost every game especially if I couldn’t watch it live.
Clearly neither England nor France really give a damn about this match, and it really doesn’t matter who wins this one. Since everyone else around the world is pretty much fed up with Argentina and Fifa’s shenanigans at this point and are rooting for Spain to win tomorrow, how about England and France here just unofficially agree to not play defense and ensure Mbappe wins the Golden Boot instead of Argentina’s Messi?”
David Wall gets in touch: “For all the discussion about whether England’s increasing defensiveness and eventual collapse stemmed from the players or the manager (and for what it’s worth i’m with Jonathan Liew) i think we’re asking the wrong question. Tuchel was hired specifically for those kinds of situations, to make the decisions that would get the team over the line, and nothing else like culture building that Southgate did so well.
“Whether his decision was to focus just on defending and abandon any attacking intent, or he made some other decision to try to prevent the players doing that naturally themselves, it didn’t work. So he got it wrong. And that raises questions hiring him in the first place. I don’t know if that means he should lose his job, if he can learn from this and make better decisions in the next tournament then hiring him would have been justified. But given he’s so far shown no sign that he even recognises something wrong with his decision making process, let alone a willingness to learn from the mistake, i think there have to be doubts about whether he should continue after this game has finished.”
Harry Desmond has been on: “I think this makes England (and France) the first team to play eight matches at the same World Cup - twice as many as the winners of the first four tournaments. That has to count for something, right? Also, I’d like to propose that we go full Star Wars and start calling it the “3PPO”.”
Lars from Copenhagen gets in touch: “Hi John, greetings from Copenhagen. Here in Denmark (as in Norway) English football has had a special place, since live transmission of one English match became a Saturday tradition in the mid-70s.
”That’s why the Norwegian commentator famously went beserk as Norway beat England - and the happened here in Denmark, when Jesper Olsen slalomed his way through Englands defence and equalised to 2-2 in Copenhagen and later won 1-0 at Wembley and secured the qualification for the Euros in France 1984.
”There was this mythological awe for English football (probably also a little supported by a long lasting thankfulness and respect for the British steeliness during WW2). An awful lot of Danes has a an English team they support from distance (At a sports bar you can find 6 Danes in a group in the range from early 20s to the age of 60 all in Leeds-shirts from different epoques). Or by going on football trips to Anfield, Old Trafford etc.
”So there is this deeply ingrained fondness of English football in Denmark - and it goes way back, much further than the introduction of the Premier League.
”I have friend and colleagues who supports Liverpool, Manchester United, Arsenal and Chelsea - and I am myself, God help me, of the Spurs conviction - and all are just baffled by the cowardice and incompetence, England showed against Argentina. It was just as inevitable as watching a mud slide.
”That is not, what we as Danish observers understands English football to be. No heart, no guts, no glory.”
Lee Matthews gets in touch: “On TT, I don’t think we all want to play the ‘blame game’ as he says. I think we just want to understand what happened. I think we could move on if he could help us understand what it was like to make that decision under the stressful conditions he and his team were experiencing.
“Sat at home, we can say what we’d do without having to face the consequences. If he could open up and talk us through it, we could understand. More than any other tournament exit, I’m frustrated - my first WC was 1986. If he keeps saying he has ‘no regrets’ and these keep being the headlines, he’ll lose everyone’s support for good. Going for it tonight could help. Win or lose, if he goes for it, he can show what a post-WC TT England team will look like. Open up and talk to us TT and please go for it tonight… Fingers crossed….”
Goalkeeper Mike Maignan, midfielder Adrian Rabiot, forward Michael Olise and captain Kylian Mbappe are the French survivors from the semi-final with Spain. N’Golo Kante is on the bench, having been the non-playing Mainoo of Les Bleus.
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Mbappe starts and will be chasing the Golden Boot. Jude Bellingham and Harry Kane are benched and so will have a lower chance of overtaking Mbappe and Lionel Messi.
Steve Farole gets in touch, and at length: “It was a pleasure to see you and the Football Weekly team at the Bowery Ballroom Thursday night. Great show!
“As an American, I’m bemused to see the English descend into your habitual post-tournament recriminations. The cycle is complete: after skepticism, then guarded optimism, you heeded the siren’s call of hope and now that your dreams have crashed upon the rocks, you’re looking for a scapegoat. Tuchel is an easy and, in many ways, appropriate target. England’s performance in the last 30 minutes was craven, his tactics and substitutions were negative and self-defeating.
“But stepping back, why did the FA think that Tuchel would succeed? Specifically, why did the FA believe a manager with no experience in the international game, at any level, would be the right man to lead England to glory? Of the four semi-finalists, England was the only one with a manager who had never been at the business end of a major tournament as either a coach or player: Deschamps was a World Cup winning player before taking the France job and de la Fuente and Scaloni both cut their teeth with their nation’s youth teams. You have to go back to Lippi in 2006 to find a manager who succeeded at a Euros or World Cup with no prior international experience - and even then, his achievements at the club level far outstripped Tuchel’s.”
Jordan Henderson is named on the bench despite a broken arm while Mainoo isn’t? Curious.
France v England teams
France: Maignan, Gusto, Konate, Lacroix, Theo Hernandez, Zaire Emery, Rabiot, Olise, Cherki, Doue, Mbappe. Subs: Samba, Risser, Digne, Upamecano, Kounde, Kone, Dembele, Tchouameni, Thuram, Barcola, Kante, Saliba, Lucas Hernandez, Mateta, Akliouche.
England: Dean Henderson, Quansah, Konsa, Guehi, Spence, Rice, Saka, Eze, Rogers, Rashford, Toney. Subs: Pickford, Trafford, Gordon, James, Madueke, Watkins, Jordan Henderson, Burn, Anderson, Kane, O’Reilly, Bellingham, Chalobah, Stones.
Referee: Jesus Valenzuela (Venezuela)
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Team news imminent: the big line is that Kobbie Mainoo is out with an injury. “Kobbie Mainoo is ruled out of today’s matchday squad to face France due to injury,” reads an official statement. There’s been seven changes from Atlanta.
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On Fox Sports, where they are currently showing IndyCar, they have just described 2026 as the “greatest World Cup in history”. Is that really so?
What of Deschamps himself? He had this to say: “I have a duty for this game. It is not a friendly. It is a third-place playoff. The players, staff, and I have the duty to reach this last objective. It is less important than the final. England does not want to play this game, and neither do we. But here we are.
“We have to set our eyes on that goal to be third and make this final goal a reality. We have this duty when wearing this jersey. In my head I know that it is my last match. I don’t want anybody to cry. The end is near but life goes on.”
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There’s another team playing today, and that’s France, in Didier Deschamps’ final game. It is expected he will be replaced by Zinedine Zidane, his former midfield partners. Kylian Mbappe has been paying tribute to the outgoing coach.
“Today is your last dance. You, who have given us so much. We should have given you a better ending, but we failed,” Mbappe wrote in a message shared on social media. “Putting into words what you have brought over 14 years is very difficult, because you have been such a major figure in the rebirth of this team. People have not always known how to appreciate your greatness, but time and history will take care of that.”
What of Thomas Tuchel himself? He’s doubling down. Turns out the man hired to win the World Cup had no chance of doing so with the players at his disposal.
“I believe that three other nations [in the semi-finals] have almost expectations to win the title. This is not us,” said Tuchel. “France, Spain, Argentina expect almost they’re on that level that they expect to win. We are not there yet. There is still a gap to close. This is what we will do from tomorrow. We will not stop. We will not stop hunting. We will not stop challenging. We have things to improve in a football matter. And this is the context. So there is not a lot of room for drama. If drama is needed, if the blame game needs to be played, OK, we can do that. But I have the right to not engage.”
Jonathan Liew did not spare the rod.
Two years of this. Countless millions sunk on tickets, hotels, Ubers, shirts, pizzas, flags, the hours spent on Google Maps trying to locate somewhere to eat after 11pm in Riga, the endless psychodrama over Jude Bellingham and whether he should have been left at home or not (turns out, not). How we bled and sweated over this, over the minor details of the journey, over whether Danny Welbeck had done enough to earn a place in the squad or not (turns out, not). All pointing towards the moment on Wednesday evening when England are 1-0 up in a World Cup semi-final against Argentina and your entire happiness rests on whether a bunch of millionaire footballers and a millionaire German coach can keep their shit together for 40 minutes, or not.
The England inquest will continue whatever happens here. Here’s Ed Aarons.
Despite the Football Association’s best efforts to produce players who are able to “intelligently dominate possession” as outlined when it launched its “England DNA philosophy” at St George’s Park back in December 2014, there is still a shortage of top-class central midfielders with the technical skills required to win a World Cup semi-final.
Niall McVeigh cast this ugly duckling of a fixture in a positive light.
Yes, the third-place playoff can have a hungover, world-weary vibe, but it can also be a lot of fun. The goals-per-game average is higher than in the final, and the TPPO has never gone to penalties. But does the result matter? It depends who you ask. Back in 1982, France lost an all-time classic semi-final on penalties to West Germany, and were extremely laissez-faire against Poland just two days later. “Our hearts were elsewhere,” Alain Giresse recalled 40 years on. “We had pulled the plug.” On the other hand, Poland’s 3-2 victory meant they matched their best-ever performance, having also won the TPPO against Brazil in 1974. Plenty of other teams have secured a new personal best via this fixture, including Austria, Chile, Portugal, Turkey and Belgium, whose 2-0 triumph over a checked-out England sealed third place in 2018, and a rousing civic reception when the squad returned home.
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Preamble
Should you even be watching? The game nobody wants to take part in - though is nice to win - is set for Miami. Should England’s reserve team – and we expect a reserve team – win, then this will represent the best national team performance since 1966. The best since is fourth in 1990 and 2018, previous third-place matches lost to Italy and Belgium. It’s also a chance to rescue Thomas Tuchel’s reputation from the shame of Atlanta. Didier Deschamps can sign off with a third place, to follow second and being champions in the previous two. It’s also a chance for stats-padding, with Kylian Mbappe eyeing the golden boot. See: there is some point to this game after all.
Join me.
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