LUIS ATTAQUE
No matter what anyone says, The Fiver is no Albert Camus. So we’re not certain what the Nobel laureate was driving at when he declared: “All that I know most surely about morality and obligations I owe to football.” But we think he meant he was a big Uruguay fan.
That’s the country to which The Fiver looks for moral guidance anyway, and not just since they legalised the use of Giddy Leaves. Consider, for instance, the instructive time in 1925 when Uruguay were playing in Argentina and home fans began lobbing stones at the visitors’ best player, José Leandro Andrade. The whole Uruguay team picked up the rocks and flung them straight back. A riot ensued, the match was abandoned and one of the players was arrested. But a valuable lesson was learned about not messing with Uruguayans. And, of course, most of that gifted team went on to win the first World Cup, a sensational achievement for a country containing fewer people than an average rush-hour train in England.
In short, The Fiver has long been charmed by Uruguayan players’ simultaneously life-affirming and homicidal determination to stand up for themselves. It is, of course, at its most endearing when they feel most threatened so The Fiver was concerned when the country’s manager, Óscar Tabárez, spoke in the buildup to Friday’s first Ethics World Cup quarter-final about his Francophilia. Tabárez revealed that he went to a French school, has visited the country many times and cherishes the various links between French and Uruguayan football. “That is why, although they will be our big rival [on Friday], they can never be our enemies,” he chirped ominously.
Antoine Greizmann was at it, too. The France striker devoted his match preview to declaring himself to be not only the anti-Phil Neville – an enthusiastic drinker of maté – but a lover of all things Uruguayan, even a paid-up member of the Peñarol fan club. He explained he developed his passion thanks to the friendships he has formed with the many Uruguayan team-mates he has had in his career, particularly Diego Godín, who is the godfather of his daughter and will be marking him on Friday. “I almost feel Uruguayan,” simpered Griezmann. All very unsettling for neutrals hoping for a spectacular quarter-final.
Fortunately there’s at least one man on whom we can always rely to set the right tone. “The reality is he doesn’t know how it feels to be Uruguayan,” roared Luis Suárez when told of Griezmann’s goodwill. “He doesn’t know the efforts you have to make, what you have to give.” That’s more like it! Let the battle commence.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“As a team player he always sees that every action is the end of the world and that makes him a warrior and someone that every coach and manager would love to have in his team” – given Belgium’s embarrassment of riches, it was no great surprise to hear one of their number extolled in this way. De Bruyne? Lukaku? Mertens? Hazard? Er, no, Bobby M was describing none other than … Marouane Fellaini.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
It’s your boy, David Squires, on the Ethics World Cup.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Here’s the latest World Cup Football Daily podcast, with Max Rushden and co, and you can find it in this general area every matchday evening.
SUPPORT THE GUARDIAN
Producing the Guardian’s thoughtful, in-depth journalism [the stuff not normally found in this email, obviously – Fiver Ed] is expensive, but supporting us isn’t. If you value our journalism, please support us. In return we can hopefully arm you with the kind of knowledge that makes you sound slightly less uninformed during those hot reactive gegenpress chats you so enjoy. And if you think what we do is enjoyable [again, etc and so on – Fiver Ed], please help us keep coming back here to give you more of the same.
FIVEЯ LETTERS
“We get it. The FiveЯ managed to predict the result of the England v Colombia game in the manner of a stopped clock. Does that really justify publishing the same letter twice, albeit in slightly amended format?” – Tim Birdsall (and 1,056 others). [Yes and this makes thrice – FiveЯ Ed].
“At first read, Tom Barneby’s World Plate idea (yesterday’s FiveЯ letters) sounded great, but after a Tin or two’s worth of contemplation I realised it would leave the door open to teams who can’t qualify to rest players for their final group game a la England v Belgium. If South Korea had saved their better players against Germany we’d potentially have been robbed of the best moment of the World Cup so far. However, after Tin Nos 4, 5 and a glance at the TV schedule, it started to seem like a good idea again” – Philip C0ckburn.
“Last night I dreamt that I grew 11 thick talons on my feet which I was unable to trim. All of a sudden, Gary Neville walked into the room, sat down, told me to relax, and then promptly trimmed and manicured all 11 toes. This is quite obviously a message from the footballing gods. So I have withdrawn my life savings and stuck it on Valencia to win La Liga” – Michael O’Donnell.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our letter o’the day and, with it, a copy of World Cup Nuggets by Richard Foster is … Rollover.
BITS AND BOBS
Waistcoat ambassador Gareth Southgate is keeping a close knack-watch on his England squad before their quarter-final with Sweden. “Oddly enough, when it gets to these games, they’re not always as honest as they might be about how fit they are,” he tooted. “So you’ve got to have a racehorse trainer’s eye at times.”
Wigan legend Andreas Granqvist has got his eye on England after wife Sophie gave birth to their second child. “[She] did a wonderful job back home,” he cheered. “Everything went well and both baby daughter and wife are doing really well.”
Vlad Putin reckons Russia 2018 has helped debunk stereotypes about the country. “People have seen that Russia is a hospitable country, a friendly one for those who come here,” he roared. “I’m sure that an overwhelming majority of people who came will leave with the best feelings and memories of our country and will come again many times.”
Russia coach Stanislav Cherchesov believes messages from Vladdy P are providing extra motivation for him and his players. Bet they do. “Putin has been calling me,” he cooed. “It is just an extra boost in terms of motivation.”
And non-World Cup dept: like a desperate Love Island contestant, West Ham are ready to have their heart broken by Dimitri Payet once again.
STILL WANT MORE?
The Joy of Six: World Cup goal celebrations.
From stylistic perfection to mutiny: the history of France v Uruguay.
Paul Doyle on how Gareth Southgate has risen above the blather.
A chat with Brazil’s 2002 World Cup-winner Lúcio.
Samara: the once-closed city opening its doors to fans. Nick Ames reports.
The loneliness that comes with loving Tomas Brolin. By Marcus Christenson.
More on the “Brolin-Dahlin-Brolin” Euro 92 game, from Ed Aarons.
The Dozen: our pick of the best last-16 pictures from Russia 2018.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
