Age: 32.
Appearance: Like great glass and aluminium castles glaring down on high streets full of serfs.
Are these those fancy-looking London estate-agent shops? That's right.
And what is our opinion of estate agents in general? Well, you have to remember that this is an unregulated industry that employs salespeople on low salaries, thereby breeding a stop-at-nothing culture of meeting monthly sales targets in order to win commission, so obviously there are going to be a few isolated cases of people behaving like decent human beings.
Right. And of Foxtons in particular? Apart from their fouling of London with smug shops and tacky Minis, their history of overvaluing houses and faking signatures, as exposed by the BBC in 2006, and recent allegations they lock rental clients into exorbitant utilities contracts from which Foxtons themselves take commission (BBC again), I've got no problem with them.
You have a very generous spirit. Thanks. These days they are richer than God, so you have to be careful what you say.
How come? Well, the company floated on the stock exchange on 20 September and quickly ended up being valued at more than £750m, making a killing for staff, early investors and the private-equity firm BC Partners, which holds a big stake.
Crumbs. I guess a lot of people just want a piece of that Foxtons magic. Yes. Or a pile of cash. Traders clearly expect the London property market to continue on its recent trend of rapid growth, and Foxtons plan to take advantage by opening loads of more branches over the next five years.
Why are house prices rising so fast again? Mortgages are ultra cheap, the economy is recovering, confidence is up and George Osborne has promised to lend people even more money with his Help to Buy scheme.
So this is a story of rich people making each other richer with the help of irresponsible government and a crazy property market? That's right. The financial crisis is over, dude. I think we all learned some important lessons there.
Do say: "Aren't you a bit overdressed to be showing me someone's loo?"
Don't say: "Yea, the Thames shall boil and foam and skyscrapers shall melt Jaguars in the streets ..."
