Name: Foxtons.
Age: 34.
Appearance: Everywhere at least half-posh in London.
I know these guys. They’re estate agents, right? Yes, although that bland phrase doesn’t quite do justice to their high profile and ideological purity.
Nice guys? If by “nice” you mean “having a history of allegations concerning the overvaluing of properties, forging of documents and slyly locking rental clients into extortionate utilities contracts from which they themselves take commission” then, yes, very nice indeed.
And very rich, too, I suppose? Yes. Although ...
Although? Well, they’re suddenly not getting rich as quickly as they used to. According to figures for the first half of 2015, profits before tax were £18.1m, down from £23.1m in the equivalent period in 2014. Property sales themselves were also down 11%. It’s “a solid result against very tough comparables”, according to the chief executive, Nic Budden, which is chief executive-speak for “bad”.
Are people finally tiring of their obnoxious green Minis and aggressive pricing strategy? It’s possible. Foxtons say they predicted the loss of business, which was actually caused, they claim, by the general election in May.
Stupid democracy! I know.
But why might people stop moving house before an election? It comes down to uncertainty. The Tories promised that if they won they would extend the right-to-buy scheme, which might raise house prices. Labour and the LibDems promised to introduce a mansion tax on properties worth more than £2m, which might lower house prices. The Greens promised to build 500,000 new social rent homes, costing they didn’t know what, but anyway, Natalie Bennett had a cold.
No one thought the Greens would win, though. True. But people thought Labour might.
Really? Who thought that? Everybody. It’s hard to believe, I know. Anyway, Foxtons say that everything has since settled down. “With the election uncertainty now passed we have seen an increase in activity across our branch network,” Budden says. “We expect to meet full-year market expectations.”
Don’t you always expect to meet expectations? I guess you do.
Do say: “Estate agents. Can’t live with them ...”
Don’t say: “... no seriously, you can’t afford to.”
