With a 42% rise in divorce after lockdown we reveal tips to avoid your children being stuck in the middle of a bitter split

Divorce and separation is hard on everyone - and if there's children involved they are probably suffering the most.

Following lockdown one law firm reported a 42% rise in divorce rates.

According to Co-Op legal Services couples being forced to spend more time together during the coronavirus outbreak saw an increase in divorce applications to the firm.

While it can be hard not to let your break-up turn bitter, amicable divorce experts say separated parents must keep their contact civil for the sake of the kids.

Psychologist Kate Daly, co-founder of the divorce service 'Amicable' (amicable.io), has issued four vital steps separated parents should take if they want to keep the bickering at bay.

(Blend Images)

She said: "When a divorce has been acrimonious and left the parents pitted against each other, it can make the thought of co-parenting feel impossible."

If you're in a situation where things have become difficult, you can help shelter your children from the bitterness using these helpful steps.

Don't react

Respond, don't react. Just because someone sends you an angry text or email, doesn't mean you have to react. You can choose to wait until you're in a good space to deal with it. If you can unhook yourself from reacting and choose how to respond instead, you'll diffuse your relationship. Keep responses brief, factual and polite.

Be on the same page

Create a parenting plan. Co-parenting isn't the same as parenting. It has different rules of engagement. If you can agree how you're going to engage with each other and how you want to parent your children, you can record these agreements in a parenting plan.

Agreeing these things before you hit problems will help avoid conflict and upset. Start with something you think you have similar views on, something uncontentious. There are apps you can use to help you, or you can contact a parenting coach or mediator.

Single mother's pension pots are nearly a third less than the average divorced woman (Getty)

Accept the imperfections

Don't expect perfection. Like any new skill, co-parenting will take some practice, so don't be too hard on yourself, or your ex, if you don't always get it right. Try and acknowledge the things you do both get right.

The more you focus on the things you do well, the quicker the relationship will start to feel better.

Don't be afraid to seek help

If you need personal support to help put the divorce behind you, speak to a counsellor.