Former Classic Hits star Nikki Hayes has opened up on her shock and heartache at being axed from her dream radio job as she battles her borderline personality disorder.
The Bray native has been working in radio for over two decades but now she’s ready for a new challenge; her second book and a new passion, caring for the elderly.
Nikki, 42, told the Irish Mirror: “I was made redundant three weeks ago and it was a complete shock, it’s a sign of the times I guess.
“I was with Classic Hits for over six and a half years and new management came in and they swept the decks and I was one of the casualties.
“My real name is Emer and Nikki is my on air persona so I always felt that whatever I did through Nikki was OK.
“When it happens, it’s like someone kicked you in the gut.”
Nikki said she has to mind her mind and said retraining will be her ticket back to her true self.
The mum-of-one explained: “I’m hoping to retrain, I still do overnights on Sunshine and East Coast FM, but that’s all pre-recorded.
“But I think it’s time for me to retrain, I’ve signed up for a course in ‘care of the elderly’, I’m looking to do a home help course.
“I always said Classic Hits was kind of my last stop.
“I worked in Spin, then 2FM then back to Spin then to Classic Hits, there’s not really anywhere to go from there.
“So doing something that doesn’t require so much of ‘Nikki’ and I can just be myself again.
“I have to be philosophical, the first week when I was told I was to be let go, I cried my eyes out.
“I was like ‘Oh My God my life is over all I ever wanted was radio, but I have other things going on.’
Nikki is conscious of protecting her mental health: “I have borderline personality disorder but because of everything that’s been going on, I’ve been really low and depressed.
“I’ve been told that I have major depressive disorder at the moment.
“I love reading and I keep up my appointments, I see a psychologist, a therapist and a mental health nurse.”
Nikki’s first book, ‘Crying into the Saucepan’ where she documented her mental health struggle was a huge hit helping so many.
Her next book is a continuation of it, but it’s going to be more about getting through life, the hard times, getting through divorce.
Nikki explained: “It will be more like a self help book and the working title is ‘My Dog’s a dickhead’.
Commenting on the zany title, she said: “Yeah because when I was writing the first half of the book he kept barking at me.
“He died a couple of months ago, but like every time I was typing I was like ‘stop barking, your such dickhead’.
“He was 13 and he died very quickly of cancer, but I love the title and I love him.”
