Former Bristol Rovers goalkeeper Neil Etheridge has opened up on his mental health struggles after winning promotion with Cardiff City.
Etheridge helped Cardiff to promotion two seasons ago and starred in the Premier League last season, even with the Bluebirds' relegation back to the Championship.
Reflecting on winning promotion, the 29-year-old admitted it was a difficult time for him.
"Living in that moment I didn't enjoy it very much," he told the Across The Line podcast (via Wales Online). "I broke down.
"Not many people know this, but at the start of the Premier League season I started seeing a psychologist, because I could do everything on the field, but mentally I was empty."
"I was saying I was all happy, but in reality I wasn't that happy we got promoted," he added. "Well, not that I wasn't happy, it's hard to describe.
"It was an empty happiness, there was no real fulfilment for me."
Etheridge attributes those feelings to the destabilising nature of his career to that point.
The Philippines international made his first football league appearance for Bristol Rovers on loan from Fulham in 2012, going on to play 12 games for the Gas.
Yet prior to his time with Rovers, he had already had stints on loan at Leatherhead and Charlton Athletic, and he subsequently was sent on loan to Oldham Athletic after returning to Fulham from the Gas.
Permanent stints, without much game time, followed at Oldham Athletic and Charlton Athletic, before he impressed with a two-season stint at Walsall, which earned him a move to the Welsh capital.
He admits his confident appearance can sometimes be a bit of an act.
"Am I good enough?," he continued. "That's a big thing. Sometimes I do put on a front of 'I'm amazing' and I do believe it, but sometimes I don't believe it."
The goalkeeper had a sobering conversation with Cardiff's club doctor after winning promotion, which led to him seeing a psychologist.
Etheridge said: "The doctor said: 'When we got promoted, everyone was dancing, drinking, you just sat in your spot and didn't move.'
"I didn't even know. He goes: 'Did you enjoy it?'
"And I said: 'Yeah, well not really, but yeah.' It's a weird concept.
"I just found it extremely tough, mentally. Not because of my ability, but because I couldn't realise what I'd achieved."
