Ben Lucas says he cannot remember making the decision to get in his car and drive home while drunk but he wishes he had not.
After just six months as the popular new shire councillor at Baw Baw in Victoria's east, Mr Lucas resigned from his role after he was charged with several traffic offences including reckless conduct endangering life when he drove home drunk on June 5 this year.
He said hitting a low was what allowed him to start his recovery.
"There was no pity party for me," Mr Lucas said.
"[It was] 15 minutes of, 'what the hell have I done', but then there was the quick realisation that, 'hey, I'm still alive. There's still breath in my lungs' ... Life is a precious thing, let's go fix it then and become a better person from it."
He said he was grateful that no-one was injured and that he wasn't killed while he was behind the wheel.
"If I didn't get caught that night, I don't think I would have stopped," he said.
Decision to leave council
After a successful 2020 election campaign, where he ran on a platform of easing traffic congestion and creating more infrastructure in Drouin and Warragul, Mr Lucas was voted in as one of the youngest elected councillors in the shire's history.
He has described serving on council as "one of my greatest achievements" and "an absolute honour".
But after his conviction, he chose to resign.
"I came out with a statement [and] got on the front foot with it. I was fairly honest with what happened," Mr Lucas said.
"To drag the council through my own personal issues wasn't fair. [Council is] a big machine that has a lot of work to get done and the last thing they needed was me clawing and fighting to hold on."
He said the resignation also helped in his personal recovery.
"I wasn't in the emotional headspace to be able to even answer a text message, so I had to resign for mental health [reasons] as well," he said.
'One of the best things to ever happen to me'
Sober for the last five months, Mr Lucas has turned his life around, attending a rehab facility and joining Alcoholics Anonymous as part of the process.
"To my detriment, sometimes I'm such a massive optimist," he said.
"And ... I think it's one of the best things that's ever happened to me.
Over the years, Mr Lucas had tried to curb his addition.
He resorted to hypnotism seven years ago to stop drinking but to no avail.
"You talk to my close friends; I'm known as the liability in the group," he said.
"Once I'll pop that first drink ... my behaviour is out of my control."
A mother's intuition
On the night of the incident, Mr Lucas' mum, Sarah, had discussed with him a safety plan so he wouldn't need to drive home, but he would not commit to it.
"That night, I just I knew something was going to happen ... and it did," Ms Lucas said.
Ms Lucas said she became concerned when she noticed changes in the amount, times and secrecy around her son's drinking.
"I think mothers know their children very, very well and when you can see changes happening ... [these changes in consumption] were all very evident to me," she said.
The morning after the incident, Ms Lucas said she turned up to take an 8am gym class with her son, only to find he wasn't there.
"As I pulled into the gym his car wasn't there, and my heart just went straight into my mouth and I thought, 'oh God, what's happened?'," she said.
When she eventually found him, he couldn't recollect much of what had happened.
It wasn't until police came to the house that she got more of the story.
Seeking help
Ms Lucas said she had tried numerous times to access help for Mr Lucas before the incident, including referrals for counselling, but services were at capacity.
She said the Department of Veterans Affairs (DVA) offered him the most support, as Mr Lucas had been in the military.
"I'm just very lucky that DVA have a support service for family members, and I was able to actually ring and make contact with them," Ms Lucas said.
"[They] were able to talk to me and acknowledged that the concerns that I had were very real."
But Ms Lucas was concerned with how the small community of Drouin would react after her son's behaviour.
Another tilt at office?
Council elections are still three years away, but Mr Lucas hasn't completely ruled out running again.
It would, however, be dependent on his sentencing at his upcoming court date in March.
His mother still has high hopes for him.
"I think he'll be an asset for the community in the future," she said.
"Ben has the ability to be able to think, educate younger people, but I think he also has the ability to own what he's done and use that as a positive to encourage other people to look at alcohol and how alcohol is impacting their life."
In the meanwhile, Mr Lucas is considering his options.
"At the moment, I'm very content with where I'm at in life," he said.
"Mum and I are starting a new business together. The gym is just getting back on its feet. I've got other priorities to focus on and that that includes my own health.
"[Being a local councillor] is a lot of work. You don't do it for the for the money, you do it for the love ... and I still continue to advocate for different issues now, so I'm pushing from the background, which is good."
