Felictious news. Matthew McConaughey's baby, Levi, has been born, and, like some ridiculously ripped Dr Faustus, the actor has offered up the infant to Richard Desmond in exchange for $3m.
And what an interview OK! magazine gets in return. Though Matthew may be the Zen master of forgettable rom-com performances, he has delivered perhaps the most epically self-centred account of a celebrity birth this year. If this were a movie, he'd get pre-title billing and his girlfriend wouldn't even make fifth card.
In fact, it would be: "Matthew McConaughey presents. . .Matthew McConaughey. . . in a child by Matthew McConaughey."
It's not just the continued use of the "we" pronoun, exemplified by such gems as "we ended up having an epidural". It's Matthew explaining: "We found a great rhythm. Contractions started kicking in. I sat with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music. . . I learned -- and no one tells you this -- but having a baby is a bloody, sweaty, pukey, primeval thing!"
He's right. No one tells you this.
Anyway, in the end she has to have an emergency C-section, but whatevs. "I said, 'Come here, little man,'" he explains. "I saw the pecker and screamed that we'd been right all along about him being a boy. Then I brought him over to her."
Yeah, let her have a quick peek. Let the dog see the rabbit.
