Turns out there is very little point wearing a baby-on-board badge if you commute in rush hour. Squeezing through the doors is challenge enough, getting close enough to the seats to be spotted a pipe dream.
Still, I’ve kept mine pinned on, partly in case I’m up early enough to travel off-peak, and partly as a discreet way to alert acquaintances I’m not just even greedier than usual.
The effects are remarkable. Everywhere you go, waves of friendliness await. Strangers offer congratulations. You get free stuff in shops. Silent smiles beam off passersby. Which is great, of course, but a bit unnecessary: if you’re prepared to wear a badge declaring your pregnancy, you’re probably pretty happy about it. The bonhomie feels a waste if already chipper.
Such goodwill would be far more useful when one is feeling blue. The main problem with that “Tube chat?” initiative earlier this year, in which commuters were encouraged to banter via badges, was that it suggested a cheery willingness for conversation-starting that few of us feel, even at our least lonely.
To pin on something that explicitly flags upset or vulnerability might take a bit of a leap of faith, but maybe a resulting smile would make it worthwhile. “Recently bereaved”, “Fifth failed IVF”, “Workplace tribunal” – that sort of thing. Also: “Unhappy cat”, “Boiler bust”, “Just dumped”. Not only might these prompt people to try to lift your spirits, but they could be of practical help too. A plumber might offer their services.
And if that idea doesn’t take off, it’s worth knowing that although you have to apply for a baby-on-board badge, Transport for London doesn’t require proof of pregnancy. If the price of an emotional boost is fraud, perhaps that’s not too much to pay.
Moonlighting at the Oscars
Theatre is propping up our cinemas. The inflated ticket prices and de rigueur posh drinks for live-streamed stage events are earning many an arthouse more at the box office than the entire run of most movies. But they are also squashing film. Fewer Christmassy flicks enter production nowadays, not daring to compete with the Royal Opera House’s Nutcracker and Andre Rieu, live and festive from his Maastricht castle.
Two of this year’s big Oscar movies, Fences and Moonlight, are adapted from plays – and you can definitely tell. Moonlight’s cinematography is very swish, but the three-act narrative is inescapably stagy. Fences is a pretty straight transfer of a 2010 Tony award-winning production. They’re both terrific, certain for Oscars success – in part because they function best as performance showcases. And this means we can thank them for an endless parade of lightly adapted filmed plays in the years to come. For if there’s one thing Hollywood loves doing with a trend, it’s flogging it.
Sometimes, watching Moonlight especially, you can forget you’re not in a theatre; you can lose yourself in the story and the darkness. But the truth hits home around the 60 minute mark, when the reality dawns: there is no interval.
How to drive a bargain
A new scheme in one prefecture of Tokyo offers cheap ramen to elderly drivers who give up their licence, lest they go on to cause crashes in years to come. And it’s not just noodles – discounted rates at public baths, barbers and chemists, plus reduced taxi fares. It has been enormously successful: 12,000 over-75s took advantage this year, before soup was part of the deal.
But what’s most striking is that the discount is only 15%. Perhaps something similar might work to incentivise quitting driving over here. For if there’s one thing we love more than our cars, it’s a bargain.
