Even though I have been an occupational therapist in adult mental health for 16 years, it took me a long time to learn how to balance the demands of the job with a healthy lifestyle.
Over the years in previous working environments, I have had many comments from different colleagues such as:
“Why are you returning to work in mental health?”
“Are you sure you are up to this type of emotionally demanding work?”
“You’re not fit enough to work in this type of environment.”
“It’s about trust. I have to think about risk.”
I have felt judged; thought to be not strong enough, unreliable and at times a liability in the workplace. A burden, not a valued member of the team. In 2013, , I was formally diagnosed with bipolar disorder, 18 months after the birth of my twin boys.
It has been incredibly difficult over my career to gauge how much to say about my mental health at work. As a junior occupational therapist, I was well supported by my colleagues in my phased return to work after my first episode. I felt fully recovered, applied for promotion and did not disclose in the application or interview process.
Not disclosing made it impossible for my new team to put support in place when I did need it. I came up against some difficult situations, with a senior colleague suggesting I had bipolar even though I hadn’t been diagnosed with it. I felt that boundaries between work and my health and personal life had been crossed. However, I worked hard to prove to everyone that I was good at my job. Phased returns were put in place when needed and occupational health support was all in-house and on-site at the time, so I saw the same doctor and could build up trust and communication.
But lots of sickness absences eroded trust from management in my capability to work safely with people with severe and enduring mental health issues. It often felt more about risk and liability than valuing my resilience and empathy as a person with lived experience of mental health difficulties.
Nine years ago, things came to a head and I was witness to a difficult personal situation in my team. The pressure was too much, I became isolated within my team, and one day found I could not go back to that workplace. I was just too worn out and demoralised.
Seven months later, after I successfully battled a grievance filed against me and negotiated medical redeployment, I began working in a different locality. I continued to struggle with my confidence in my ability and performance at work. I grappled with how much to share in one-on-one meetings with my line manager when I was trying to cope.
When I had a terrible manic depressive episode 18 months after the birth of my twins, I finally received the proper treatment for my underlying bipolar disorder, following a hospital admission and a long period of home treatment.
I wanted to open up more about my health condition, but did not know how to do this safely. By this point I was too scared of feeling judged and not trusted. So I attended speaking out training through charities Rethink Mental Illness and Time to Change in August 2014.
Since the integration of my small team with a larger one, I have grown in confidence and been able to show what I can do with a great bunch of people around me when I am trusted and given autonomy. This year, I felt it was time for me to talk about my mental health.
Tips for disclosing mental health conditions at work
• It’s your choice – say as much or as little as you want. Being open on a one-on-one basis with individual colleagues in the team helped me. Being upfront on my terms gave me an amazing sense of freedom.
• You are the expert on your own needs – ask for a meeting with your line manager to discuss your mental health if you feel you need it.
• Agree a plan of changes with your boss and a time to meet again to discuss whether things have improved.
• You have rights – under the Equality Act, mental health conditions are a disability so you are likely to be protected, but always seek legal advice. Union support has helped me fight for my reputation at work in the past, so always check whether your employer is affiliated to one. Consider signing up.
• You are not alone – one in six workers experience mental health issues each year. With time and practice, it is possible for many of us to balance our health with the demands of a job.
For more information and advice, go to Mind or Time to Change
