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James Richardson - the bookies' odds-on favourite to become the leader of the world's 1.2 billion Catholics having again missed out on the Match of the Day 2 gig to Mark 'Chappers' Chapman - is joined for today's edition of Football Weekly by the unholy trio of Barney Ronay, Gregg Bakowski and Michael Cox.
Our business begins with the Premier League, where Manchester City's lacklustre defeat to Southampton means that Manchester United have opened up what's likely to be an unassailable lead at the top of the Premier League.
A sterner test awaits the Champions-elect this midweek when they go to Madrid to face CR7 and Mr Mou. Real are, as ever, hellbent on winning Europe's biggest prize, and Sid Lowe tells us what's in store.
Next, we hear Jonathan Wilson's final missive from South Africa, where Nigeria beat Burkina Faso in the Africa Cup of Nations final.
Finally, there's a bit of chat about the Europa League, a long-awaited win for Aston Villa, and a certain Dutch footballer rapping: no, not Ryan Babel, but Royston Drenthe.
CNN's handsomologist Pedro Pinto and long-haired lothario James Horncastle are with us for our Valentine's Day special on Thursday (as well as Tom Lutz). Be afraid, be very afraid …
